I'm Calling In Sick Tomorrow - What Should My Excuse Be?

[THUNDER HANDS]

I'm open to suggestions. I've never called in sick before when I wasn't actually sick.

What's your favorite excuse to hit the beach or just go relax?

:hangover:

[slackmaster]

1. You have a problem with your eyes

You can't see going to work.

[maxanne]

2. how 'bout

leprosy?

[THUNDER HANDS]

6. ooooh, that's a good one

I might even be able to sneak in Monday too.

:)

[Ellen Forradalom]

3. Tell them you're going to see the doctor.

Then go see Howard Dean.

[CMT]

4. sinus infection

try to sound a little hoarse.

[Skittles]

5. TELL 'EM YOU ATE SOME BAD CHILI

NO FURTHER EXPLANATION IS NECESSARY.

[underpants]

8. That's a good one-nausea and diarrhea always work

Though make sure to tell them it was home made so as to avoid the "Which restaurant" question.

Remeber it is not a lie if you believe it is the truth.

[radwriter0555]

15. I SECOND the bad chili..

you just can't argue with food poisoning.

[meegbear]

7. Crabs ....

food poisoning. Not THAT!!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

28. On the other hand...

If you're planning to go to the beach and eat crabs, and you tell your boss you aren't coming to work because of crabs; you're not really lying...

[KCDem]

9. "I'm having a rather heavy period."

Said with British inflection, of course.

Gets them, every time.

[TXlib]

13. What's that from?

That sounds so familiar...

[KCDem]

21. Meaning of Life

The scene with that nasty fat guy... "I can't eat another bite", after he starts yakking.

[XNASA]

10. Strained back.

.

[underpants]

11. Tell them "I'M SICK!"

Take the fight to them and don't take any of their CRAP, those are your sick leave hours.

[Garage Queen]

12. Tell them you're queasy 'cause you accidentally watched Faux News

That'll show 'em!

B-)

Edited 'cause I did my smilie wrong

[Kamika]

14. Your contact lens has got stuck behind your eye

Worked like a charm at my horrible summer job when i was 16

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

16. food poisoning

fever, the shakes, whatever. it's fun to do it off the cuff like I do for school. :D

[RetroLounge]

17. We don't get sick days here but we do get PTO

which stands for Paid Time Off. Same amount of days, but usable at employees discretion.

So I NEVER call in sick anymore.

I call in Well.

As in, I'm feeling too well today to waste it on a work day...

[StaggerLee]

26. We have the same thing here - APL (all purpose leave)

Since it all comes from the same pot.
I have used the excuse that my apartment had some serious plumbing problems and that I had to stay home to let the plumber in. (water damage can be a b***h)

[Exultant Democracy]

30. Good call

The way I see it, if I'm sick I'm going to work. Save my days off for having fun.

[underpants]

18. Two real life ones a former warehouse manager told me about

from the same guy

"I can't find my shoes"
"My d**k hurts"

You see they got paid on Thursdays and that night this guy would go out and spend almost all of his paycheck on booze, drugs, gambling, women and would call in on Friday. The "d**k hurts" one was actually the result of an earlier evening out.

They knew if he was still drunk or hungover when he called because when he was sober he stuttered.

So this manager takes the guy into his bosses office and they tell him they need to resolve this. The guy comes up with his own solution, "Jjjjjjust give my Fridays off"

True story.

[myrna minx]

19. Pink Eye.

My former roomate uses that excuse at every job. it is highly contagious, but not debilitating. Have fun with your fair and balanced day off.

[GOPisEvil]

27. Or go medical and say, "Conjunctivitis.".

Think they'll look it up? :evilgrin:

[THUNDER HANDS]

33. since I work in a hospital and the doctors are my bosses

I'd say... yup.

[GOPisEvil]

34. Oh...never mind...

[FlaGranny]

20. How about

"The dog ate my underwear."

Seriously though, you might say you had some personal, urgent business to take care of. That way, it has a grain of truth to it.

[silverlib]

22. here's one you can use twice

"boil on butt."

[ScreamingMeemie]

23. Strep throat works for me...

Enjoy your day off!!!

[thom1102]

38. Problem with strep throat:

Especially if he works in a medical office, is that strep requires antibiotic treatment and a doctors visit. I think you are worrying too much about it. "I am not coming in today, because I am not feeling well. I hope to be back on Monday. Sorry."

[JVS]

24. Hemorrhoid flare-up

it's good because you can use it at any time once you convince the boss that you have problems with hemorrhoids.

[Runesong]

25. You're having a problem with your wife..

She won't get off of you :)

[cmf]

29. Migrane

My nurse friend gave me this tip. That way you don't have to try to sound sick on the phone.

[UrbScotty]

31. "I am sad because Bush wants to take my job away."

Okay, I guess not. :-)

[GalleryGod]

32. STAG-FLATION of the Ear canal

:shrug:

[AntiBushRepub]

35. The one I'd use is..

"I get this really bad pain in my balls whenever I watch VH1"

[ikojo]

36. You are sick

of





BUSH

(I know I am)


He makes you want to :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke: :puke:

If you don't get a handle you are likely to simply explode....

:nuke: :nuke: :nuke:

[TEXASYANKEE]

37. Just say "I don't feel well."

When I call in sick and I'm not really sick, I just say that I'm not feeling well.

I'm taking tomorrow afternoon off to play golf. Luckily my boss is a huge golf fan, so I don't have to lie to him.

[leftofthedial]

39. I have a mysterious, unidentified flu-like illness

works pretty well

Leprosy, smallpox and 3rd degree burns are hard to fake, so don't use those.

[TreasonousBastard]

40. Explosive diarrhea and vomiting.

They'll just say OK and hang up.

[salin]

41. something about

being smelly? ;-)

[ProfessorGAC]

42. You Caught My M.S. Here On DU

Turns out that MS is transmitted through computer systems into the neurons of your body. It's only a temporary form of MS though. By Monday, you'll be fine.

Think they'll believe that?
The Professor

[TEXASYANKEE]

43. Funny?

Professor, I'm trying really hard to see the humor in your post ... but it's good that *you* can laugh at your disease.

[ProfessorGAC]

45. Geez, Sorry!

If i can't laugh about it, then i'd spend all my time suffering. The joke was how unbelievable such an excuse would be. Hence, my last line about whether they'd believe it.

I'm trying really hard to see how you would be offended by it. I'm the one with the malady. If i can find a sliver of humor in it, why would that bother you?
The Professor

[Kenneth ken]

44. need a mental health day

I've used it several times. It essentially means I am really getting burned out, and need a day to "catch my breath" and fix my attitude so I don't come to work in such a state as to go through the day physically attacking co-workers.

[curse10]

46. projectile vomiting

always works :puke:

[dolo amber]

47. Providing your boss is a Freeper, you could try this...

enjoy your day at the beach! B-)

[Boudicea]

48. Your gerbil had babies!

Someone in my office actually tried that once. It didn't fly.

[KCDem]

49. the power's out!

Perfect excuse!

[Iris]

50. bad oyster

That's what one of my high school friends told her mother when she was hungover!

Or - just plain food poisoning.

[Iris]

51. bad oyster

That's what one of my high school friends told her mother when she was hungover!

Or - just plain food poisoning.

[LynneSin]

52. Since the Rat lives in NYC, I suppose now he has his excuse

Power OUtage

:eyes:

[geniph]

53. The voices in your head told you to stay home and clean your guns

I think I actually used that one once. Seemed like people were a trifle nervous around me when I came back.

[Eat_The_Rich]

54. Call In Well

Tell them you would have to be sick to come to work.

[arwalden]

55. THE ABSOLUTELY PERFECT BEST NO QUESTIONS ASKED EXCUSE FOR CALLING IN SICK.

IS...

"I have a rash."

Believe me... nobody, NOBODY wants to know where the rash is... or what type of rash it is. (And if they do, tell them it's private.)

-- Allen

[JohnKleeb]

56. anal cysts if your boss is a big Rush fan

or You are puking out chunks of the new Ann Coulter book.

[amazona]

57. I say I'm congested and might be getting the flu

Since I haven't worked for years and years, I haven't had cause to use it lately but it worked just fine when I did.

[davsand]

58. The "dire rears" works great.

No obdy wants to ask too many questions about it, and you can go back without being expected to display any symptoms*. If you want to really put on the show take a box of Immodium and put it out on your desk...

I HAVE used the old Migraine thing before and it does work well, especially if you think anyone will want to hear the details. Feel free to use my story of the Migraine that had me throwing up in the toilet when the seat fell on my head... It really did happen and it will get a wince of sympathy from even the most hard boiled boss. I gift you with this in the spirit of DU love and sharing!

Enjoy your day, and pray your boss doesn't read DU!

Laura


* Anyone wanting you to display any residual syptoms or even discuss your illness is a big doodie head and deserves whatever horrible lies you can make up. :)

edited for awful typing.

[HEyHEY]

59. Just say

...It's personal, then you aren't really lying! And they'll think you have an STD