I could really use some DU emotional regulation about now.

[nolabear]

I've got a writing presentation to do tomorrow that's kind of a big deal, and I just cannot get it together to get ready. A very dear friend was in an auto accident the other day and is in hospital with six broken ribs, a busted sternum, an L4 compression and last, but not least, a broken toe. He's a fit, athletic man but he's also 72 years old and since he can't take deep enough breaths they've kept him in hospital for the past week for fear of oxygen deprivation and/or pneumonia.

I love this man dearly but am also aware this has tapped into some very old, very scary shit in my psyche. And because of professional constraints I can't casually call up every three minutes like I'd like to and assure myself he's doing okay. I don't seem to be able to think, and it's important that I do this afternoon. I'm really good at winging it, but these folks deserve to have their presenter give 'em all she's got and she ain't got a lot at the moment.

What am I asking for? I dunno. Sympathy. I know all the things to do and not do. Silliness. Absurd stories of what dumb things you've done to reassure yourself when you're scared. Good songs. Good poems. Good GOD, I sound like a little kid who wants her mommy!

[jobycom]

1. You're probably a tad bit in shock.

I get that way with bad news. I stop eating, and I can't stop my brain from going in circles. The more I try, the less it obeys. That sounds like what you're dealing with. Some of that is just physiological, so it's hard to just snap it.

They only things I've found to stop it for me are time and conversation. There's a point where I stop wanting to hold it all in and finally want to tell someone about it, and then I can start getting over it. Other times, if it's not too bad, I can derail it with something to distract me. A good movie, an unrelated book--some intermediary stage to break the cycle. Doesn't always work, but if you're ready, it can.

I guess postponing the presentation or finding someone else to do it isn't an option?

[nolabear]

3. Nah, not possible. And you're exactly right.

It has all the earmarks of shock, physical and mental. The irony of all this is that I'm a therapist and help other people with this all the time. You're exactly right about the value of sharing it and I'm doing that when time and others' availability permits, and meanwhile using DU as the "other" to share it with, just to get some light at the end of this too-long tunnel.

Thaks for the sweet response. It helps.

[kimi]

2. Maybe it would help

to know that other people are there to help him - the nurses, the docs, other support folks. And of course, the Lounge vibes, which are strong and do so much good.

It's going to be okay. He's safe and in good hands, no one is going to hurt him. It sounds like the folks at the hospital know the risks and are not going to put him in danger. Now, if they'd released him after a day or so, that would be a problem. But he's getting good care.

You've got sympathy, anyone who cares this much about a friend does, no doubt. Just know that your friend is being looked after, and you have something to do, and it will all be over by tomorrow, I take it.

You're gonna do fine. Take care, and hugs!

[nolabear]

4. Thanks, Kimi. The logical mind knows, but it's good to get it reinforced.

[nolabear]

5. Update.

My friend called this afternoon; he's back in ICU with a pulmonary embolism. I understand that they've got him on blood thinners and are checking to be certain that there are no more clots or parts of clots that might break free and kill him. I don't know what to do, nothing I suppose except plead with the universe to let us keep him and be glad it happened there and not after he went home.

[Kali]

6. oh dear, sorry the news got worse for your friend

I hope he pulls through quickly. I was going to suggest a walk or bit of physical exercise to burn off the "worry chemicals" and I guess that is still a suggestion.

Good luck with the presentation, I can certainly empathize with nerves there - I REALLY hate public speaking:scared:

[nolabear]

7. Thanks again, Kimi. I actually love public speaking and it'll be good for me.

Well, I love reading and talking about my writing, and teaching writing. If it was running for office or something I probably wouldn't be so willing.

I did get to hang out with a bunch of psychiatrists tonight, all of whom know more aobut embolisms than I do, but everyone is just hopeful.