Sorry to throw something serious into the Lounge, but I'm weeping right now.

[Redstone]

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/documentary_archive/7028468.stm

I heard the originals. Mike was my next-door neighbor and "big brother."

As you heard Cookie say, I also "wondered if what they told us was the truth."

I went looking for that truth six years later (and it damn near killed me), and didn't find it until Tim Duffie got the first bits of the tapes played on NPR.

I'd heard that there was a BBC special in the works, but for some reason (yeah, right, like I don't know why) didn't listen to it until tonight.

I'm glad I did, but wish I hadn't at the same time.

God damn it, Mike. We - Cookie, and me, and Sandy, and my sister - WE knew you weren't crazy, and you didn't have to join the Marines to prove anything to US. Nor to your mother, or to stepfather, or to your dog Lady (who ended up dying in my garage, with me rubbing her behind her ears; she hung out with me a lot after you left).

God damn it, Mike. I have to go now, and drink some more water to replenish my supply of tears.

Redstone

[kayakjohnny]

1. Oh my, Redstone... please don't worry about seriousness in the Lounge.

What a heart-wrenching post.

I'm sorry for your pain right now. It sounds very intense.

I will hold a place for you in my heart tonight as I head home.

Peace be with you.

All the best for you.

And for those you love.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. My dear Redstone...

Aw, sweetie...it takes a real man, a good man, like you, to show your emotions so vividly to all of us...

What a remarkable guy Mike must have been.

Hugs to you...

Thanks for bringing those recordings to us.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

[Redstone]

3. You should listen to this broadcast first:

http://www.npr.org/programs/lnfsound/stories/000421.stories.html

And I know you will, because you're a good friend.

Redstone

[CaliforniaPeggy]

4. You know I will...but it has to be later.

It's our dinnertime, and I need to get cracking on that...

Thanks for the link.

:hug:

[Redstone]

5. Do that, please...I know you will. And please keep this thread going for Mike.

I, myself, have to go. Time to grieve. Yet again.

Redstone

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. Take care of yourself, my dear Redstone...

Grieve as you need to...

One of these days, I'll give you a call; we have some catching up to do...

[The Midway Rebel]

7. kick

for Mike


and his dog

[Redstone]

9. She was a good girl...some kind of Lab mix, reddish and portly, and

absolutely attached to me, after Mike went away to join the Marines.

Odd that Lady bonded with me, not with Cookie or Sandy (though Sandy wasn't around that much at the time).

There's some catharsis for me, here in this thread...I did not even recognize it at the time but I absolutely, utterly shut down emotionally and psychologically, and in all the other mental senses after Mike died, for about nine months...I remember his burial on a cold, rainy day up there in Scranton, but not much thereafter, though at the same time I also had a horrible blood disease that cost me a half of a year of school.

Not a pleasant time.

But, as Mrs R says, why re-live that time now?

I think she's right.

Redstone

[handmade34]

8. wow...

such sweet sorrows in life... :hug:

[Redstone]

11. You're a Vermonter? Me, too. The dot on your map avatar seems to indicate

that you're in the Rutland area...I have a cousin there.

Redstone

[handmade34]

14. I maintain Vermont residency and vote there

I have a house in West Danville (Northeast Kingdom) but my job has kept me traveling throughout the U.S. for the past 5 years... I am hoping to settle soon, back in Vermont or W. Ma or CT
here I am (well, my feet) on Camel's Hump during my last trip home

[Redstone]

15. I know Danville! I did a photography project some years back, for a website

that was looking to have a photograph of every Vermont town, and one of the ones I covered was Danville. Great area.

Welcome home, when you come home.

Redstone

[handmade34]

19. used to be most photographed site in VT

Barnet Center... used to travel the road often and in fall always had to expect flatlanders stopped in the middle of the road taking pictures :D (my midwife who helped deliver all of my kids lived in the center hillside farmhouse)

[Redstone]

21. More photographed than Peacham?

Redstone

[kimi]

10. I've been trying to get onto these links

with no success. I'll keep trying, though.

I think it's important. People like your friend, Mike, need to be remembered.

[Redstone]

12. The links work for me. If they don't work for you, send me a PM

and I'll try to set you up with alternative links.

Redstone

[LiberalAndProud]

13. What is there to say after that?

I listened and I heard.
Truly a moving tribute to a remarkable man ... and so many other good men like him.

And so we remember, and so we grieve.
:hug: (((Redstone)))

[sarge43]

16. Peace and comfort, Redstone

The Lounge is the place where we laugh and cry among friends.

Maybe Mike and Lady are together again on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

[Redstone]

18. I'm sure they are. And I'm sure I'll see them one day; there must have been

a reason why Lady died next to me.

There must be.

Redstone

[Redstone]

17. Mrs R - who is, believe me, an expert on childhood trauma, came home early

last night because I told her on the phone that I had listened to that BBC piece. And I was weeping when I talked to her.

She told me that I had to let it go, and not follow the publications of Mike's story anymore; that I was just torturing myself unecessarily.

But his life, and his death, shaped my own life for a long time, in ways that I've only recently been able to recognize...should I let that go?

Maybe I should. Thank you all for listening. I'll leave now.

Redstone

[LeftyFingerPop]

20. My opinion...

It is usually better to work through something than to push it away. But only you and your family know what is best for YOU.

[Redstone]

22. Yes, they DO say that, and I'm going to try it...I'll smoke and drink tonight

to try to drive the demons off.

That may not be the best way to get rid of the sons of bitches, but it's worth a try.

Thank you for your opinion. I always value that.

Redstone

[LeftyFingerPop]

23. Redstone...

You are a good man, and you have been through more than I have, so you don't need a lecture from me. But please, be careful. Watch how much you drink, because you are going to feel like shit tomorrow, and you may feel worse mentally than you already do.

If you need to smoke...smoke and talk to your wife about it until it all comes out. And LET it out too.

I don't want to see you do something that is going to make you feel worse.

Just my opinion, Redstone. You know your mind and body...wish I could give you a real hug. :hug:

[Redstone]

24. Thank you. I'm going careful on the vodka because I don't drink anymore,

and I don't want to get back into the habit.

And I have about half a pack of Pall Malls left, and when they're gone, they're gone.

Furthermore, no, I do NOT consider your advice to be "lecturing." I consider it to be welcomed advice from a friend. Welcomed, indeed.

Redstone

[marzipanni]

25. I'll listen when the house has quieted down.

I heard this doctor being interviewed on the radio- I think his insight into life, death, and consciousness is very interesting and comforting, and makes what sarge43 and you said about the Rainbow Bridge seem more than just a possibility.

http://www.towardthelight.org/pimvanlommel.html

[laylah]

26. ...

:hug:

Jenn

[Redstone]

27. Your wordless reply spoke many well-appreciated words.

Redstone