There is a pattern that hurts many people, and is caused by people wanting others to show love.

[RandomThoughts]

But it is done in a bad way. Wanted to post on it, because it explains some issues where people confuse control with love.

There are some people that want to know they are loved, and when they need to know that, sometimes because they can no longer feel love from other people, numbness, or big empathy filters, they find ways to try and get people to prove they love them.


Most of the disrespecting and humiliation that some people do to others is part of that. The saddest comments is when people need to feel love so much, they ask people to do things they do not want to. Then when the people do those things, to them it feels like they must be loved.

That is the reason behind some of the fetish things that occur in some warped people, specifically when people treat their wives with disrespect. Some of you may have heard of when people ask their spouses to do things they don't want to. The presumed joy from that is not some event that is not fun for them, it is if they agree, then that person thinks they are loved.

Hard to explain without examples, but much of the times when people ask other people to do things they don't like, it is because those things that ask them to do those things, can not feel love very well, and want to get people to do things to prove what they are willing to do for another person.


It is part of some of the sadder relationships, and love should not need to be proven by someone willing to hurt themselves in my view.


If someone asks you to do something you think is wrong, or that you don't want to do, only to prove that you love them, then the problem is not what that person chooses to do, but the problem is the person that has difficulty feeling love.

Just thought I would add that, since so many sad events have been created by people that think others have to do something they don't want to so that they can prove love, it is replacing having control or having power with actual love.

Some will say 'if you love me you will do it' in truth it is the person wanting to feel power, thinking it is love to control someone, or to dominate someone.

Very sad, and explains much of need for power, it is a substitute for some that can not feel love in many cases.

I wont go numb, in part because I would not want to have a desire for power, I think love is better.

Linkin Park Numb official video
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GfrIipujxfQ


Side note:
Can you see the time lord in that clip?

[Tuesday Afternoon]

1. negative actions for attention ...

attention seeking behavior.

I think, I understand.

[RandomThoughts]

2. You are commenting more on the text I think.

That does sort of equate, but it is not just attention, it is submission. And the more a person submits, the more the domineering personality has to make it harder on them, to get them to show more submission.

It is not wanting attention, it is wanting to control people, to have the feeling of having power over someone, but is uses a lie saying it is about love in many situations.

I posted in another thread, the removal of empathy and love, is how people can be controlled, the attempts to take over people are done by getting people not to feel, because empathy includes real love.

So the attempt is to create numbness so a person does not resist to be controlled, and will do what they would not do if they still had love.

Although there are things that add love and allow people to express their feelings, and keep them from being taken over also, good things that add love and feelings of kindness.


Not sure if I am explaining it in the best ways, but it is basically control and power, versus ideas of love and understanding.


It is why the LDS fanatics taught no feeling in their children, it is why puritans eventually said everything was wrong, it is trying to tell people things are wrong, just to beat them down till they stop feeling.



Note in the song, 'every step I take is another mistake to you.' The mistake said is to create despair, or hopelessness. It is not about what is done, it is something trying to remove feeling.

Or as Lewis Black said, your milk is making my milk feel bad about itself. That is the intent to break feeling, and create numbness.

I admire the singer of that song.

[RandomThoughts]

3. And to those that want me to be like them.

Thou shall not want.

[nolabear]

4. Sometimes people have a shocking emptiness that others exist only to fill.

But the fill is temporary; it's like having a bucket with a hole in it. The prospect of feeling that emptiness is horrible beyond belief, a fear of annihilation. Over time, relationships with others become built around that need, and having someone ultimately dissapoint, as we all must untimately do, is as shocking as having one's arm or leg stop working. People aren't exactly people; they're functions.

Things can get very twisted around as this problem gets mixed up with other things that they hope will fill the void. "If you love me, you'll do ... because that fills the void."

It happens with celebrities and public figures often, in a circuitous give-and-take based on the things hangers-on offer like drugs, sex, power, etc. and it can be a nightmare for all involved.

I THINK this is what you're talking about, is it not? If not forgive my clumsy interpretation.

[RandomThoughts]

5. Your comment is not clumsy it helps to clarify.

It seems you speak about the love inside someone versus having an emptiness.

And you mentioned other ways that people use to try and fill that hole in them.


While you mention the larger context of the feelings of love inside, then being able to share that. I mentioned a specific example of some that try and use feelings of power to fill that space, and feel love.



The nicest part is you can share that love, and most people do, including many celebrities of coarse, but I understand your point, and agree with the larger context it speaks in.

[laundry_queen]

6. I love that song.

You've just described the dynamic of most of my relationships. I'm working on it (I'm the submissive one), especially now that I'm divorcing. Lots of self-reflection when that happens .

[RandomThoughts]

7. I have heard that concept.

Where there is a submissive dominate in many relationships.

The problem is when there is lack of respect, or not caring with love.


I don't do submissive, then again, I don't really dominate much either.


except when a bit pissed off about other issues.