$2,500 Denon ethernet cable gets mixed reviews on Amazon..

[Fumesucker]

http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKDL1-Dedicated-Link-Cable/dp/B000I1X6PM

By John L. (Border of Wasteland, Former USA)

This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime around 2007 for whomever is reading this. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES. Something... happens with them. Something came through, something from somewhere else. We were overrun in days, not many of us are left. WE LIVE UNDERGROUND! ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT NOW. SAVE US. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES.

I don't have much time. This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be--




By Harmless Gryphon (Nowhere worth mentioning)


I knew my day was going to improve when the truck pulled up at my home with this cable deep within. No ordinary truck, this one was Holy White, and the gold Delivery logo sparkled like a thousand suns reflected through shards of the purest ice formed with unadulterated water collected at the beginning of the universe. The driver, clad in a robe colored the softest of white, floated towards me on the cool fog of a hundred fire extinguishers. He smiled benevolently, like a father looking down upon his only child, and handed me a package wrapped in gold beaten thin to the point where you could see through it. I didn't have to sign, because the driver could see within my heart, and knew that I was pure. Upon opening the package, an angelic choir started to sing, and reached a crescendo as I laid this cable on my stereo system. Instantly, my antiquated equipment transformed into components made from the clearest diamond-semiconductor. The cable knew where to go, and hooked itself into the correct ports without help from me - all the while, the choir sang praises to the almighty digital god. With trepidation, I pushed "play," and was instantly enveloped in a sound that echoed the creation of all matter, a sound that vibrated every cell in my body to perfection. I was instantly taken to the next plane, where I saw the all-father. I knew with my entire soul, that all was good in the world.

But then I realized the cable was blue, so I only gave it one star. I hate blue.



By hyperyoda

I don't know why this cable is being sold for the ridiculously low price of $2,000, this is truly an insane price for something which is priceless. Through personal experience I have witnessed the awesome power which this cable can yield. It was on my 4th or 5th alien abduction when I first noticed this cable on the mothership. Through a direct telekinetic link with one of the alien gray's I was told this cable is some sort of quantum gravity device which creates miniature black holes. By plugging this cable into any electronics device one is able to create a wormhole which will allow for instantaneous travel across vast distances. I was also shown how this Denon AKDL1 can be used to effect time travel using closed timelike loops and the rotation of the universe. My plan was to somehow steal one of these amazing cables from the mothership the next time I was abducted, but now I can buy one on Amazon! This seller must work for Area 51 , and this is surely some phase of experimentation to see how the general populace handles such power. Use the Denon AKDL1 with due care, you don't want to go back in time and accidentally kill your great great great great great grandfather or come out of the wormhole near a star going supernova. Been through that before, very nasty business!



I'm still reading reviews trying to decide whether to get this cable or not, I only have about three hundred and sixty reviews left to go so I should be done sometime last week if I actually decided to purchase it.

[Locrian]

1. God's Own Saliva

seems like even the sellers are in on it:

#
Seller: brian.mcgroarty

This package had a small leak; some of God's Own Saliva may have escaped from the core of pure Gaia Fart and Anticopper. There was still sufficient tensile strength to bind a demon while I killed the hydra, so it should be almost good enough for audiophiles.

[suninvited]

2. I love it when those amazon reviews

go crazy.

Remember the wolf tshirt? And the milk?

Some of those people write really funny stuff !!

[NewJeffCT]

3. Said a prayer to Moloch...

I didn't think I could afford this cable..., September 20, 2010

By Sunny Jim - See all my reviews

This review is from: Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable (Electronics)

... what with the economy and all. It really was a shame. I took out a massive HELOC loan on my sub-prime McBox back in '07 when it was worth $750 per sq ft at the height of the bubble. I had purchased only the very most expensive audio equipment I could find, because deep down, everyone knows that the intrinsic value of any human being can only be expressed in the value of the commodities they purchase.

So it was to much chagrin that I learned about the amazing reviews the Denon AKDL1 had been receiving on Amazon only AFTER the bank had started the foreclosure proceedings on my home. If only I had back the money I had sent the televangelist that was screwing the hockey player! As luck would have it though, just last month I received an email from a gentleman in Nigeria that offered to cut me in on a sizable inheritance from a long lost uncle that shared my own last name! Just like Ed What-His-Name showing up on my porch to tell me I have won the sweepstakes! So I did what any sensible person would and took out the remaining $1k on my last over-drawn credit card in the form of a cash advance for 80% interest, sent $500 to the African for the processing fee along with my checking account routing number and $500 to the good folks at Denon for the coveted AKDL1.

And let me tell you, friend, only two words for the AKDL1 - Mission Accomplished! This was far and away the best money I have ever spent. Even better than the time I pawned my great-grandfather's life-long coin collection for that 3 day cocaine fueled bender in Vegas with the twins from the strip club!

The Fed-Ex man arrived right on time around 4 PM in the evening, just as my neighbors were returning home from work. I know the 27 yr old hottie down the street enviously watched me signing for that Denon box and I am pretty sure I walked in on two of my other neighbors talking about my highly refined taste in Ethernet cabling yesterday.

From the time I picked up the box, I felt like a much better person, both physically and emotionally. Can you really put a price tag on that? I think not! I unwrapped my prized cable and took a lengthy bubble bath, lit some candles and said a quick prayer to Moloch before hooking it up. The quality of the plastic termination connectors cannot be understated. Most cables just un-dramatically snap into place when inserted into the port. The Denon cable clicks into place much in the same fashion, but when you take your hand away, you see the snazzy Denon logo on the end which, again, re-enforces that personal feeling of refinement and superiority.

After powering up the $40k home theater system, the music from my ultra-premium $8k Denon universal player flows through the cable to the receiver like straw through a goose! The sound can only be described as clear as an un-muddied lake and as crystal blue as the sun from an azure summer sky! Listening to the White Album, I heard things I never heard before in the recording. Halfway through, I actually felt like the 5th Beatle! eating Orange Sunshine acid with Ringo and Paul! This might be a bit distorted though. Towards the end of the album, I remembered that I hadn't taken my 12 schizophrenia medication yet.

After a couple more days of trying it out, all I can say is the revolutionary 'signal directional markings' certainly make for 'optimum signal transfer'. Those folks at Denon really thought this one through! I did some testing by holding my wifes vibrator up to the cable and the 'high quality insulation' and 'woven jacketing' insulation really works. I believe this cable could easily hold up to a 9.9 scale earthquake! With no signal degradation!

Amazing.

Only the purest, purity of the pure copper wiring of the upmost purity is used in the AKD1. Denon uses equal parts of ancient Mesopotamian spear tips, Roman Drachmas fondled by Julius Ceasar himself and decorative copper from the Aztec pyramid of Tenochtitlan for the wiring in the AKDL1. The refinement process is quite complex and also partial classified. All we know for sure is that the NASA advanced research lab, the NSA and the Air Force Area 51 and 'skunkworks' labs are all heavily involved.

All in all, once my Nigerian friend comes through, I will buy as many AKDL1 cables as I can!

[MilesColtrane]

4. Reminiscent of the automated email response you get from CD Baby when you place an order.

Your CDs have been gently taken from our CD Baby shelves with sterilized contamination-free gloves and placed onto a satin pillow.

A team of 50 employees inspected your CDs and polished them to make sure they were in the best possible condition before mailing.

Our packing specialist from Japan lit a candle and a hush fell over the crowd as he put your CDs into the finest gold-lined box that money can buy.

We all had a wonderful celebration afterwards and the whole party marched down the street to the post office where the entire town of Portland waved "Bon Voyage!" to your package, on its way to you, in our private CD Baby jet on this day, September 27, 2010.

We hope you had a wonderful time shopping at CD Baby. In commemoration, we have placed your picture on our wall as "Customer of the Year." We're all exhausted but can't wait for you to come back to CDBABY.COM!!

Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Sigh...
We miss you already. We'll be right here at htp://cdbaby.com/, patiently awaiting your return.

[TrogL]

5. you are aware these cables are a complete waste of money, right?

Just like Monster audio cables? I'm a sound technician and if I don't have any speaker wire handy I'll use standard electrical cable cannibalized from an old lamp.

Cat 5 $20 for 100 feet from the dollar store works just fine.

[NewJeffCT]

6. Dude, I've got 10 of those Denon cables

The sound is so good that Elvis speaks to me from beyond the grave via one of my AKDL1, John Lennon on another, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Buddy Holly, Kurt Cobain, Jim Croce, Aaliyah, Tupac Shakur and Jim Morrison on the rest.

It's pretty frickin' awesome.

[mike_c]

7. you are so wrong, 'bro....

Serously. I mean, I don't like to toot my own horn or nothing-- I do pull my pud on occasion but I'm just not nimble enough to toot my own horn anymore, doncha know?-- but I've become quite an expert on internet pron over the years, here in my parent's basement and all. The Denon cable makes hotties HOTTER, 'bro! I'm not kidding! I can pop in a DVD transfer of my neighbor's pimply daughter petting a cocker spaniel shot on a cell phone but after passing through that cable it reveals its true nature as the HOTTEST SHIT EBER in blue ray hi def! SMOKIN' HOT AND CRYSTAL CLEAR! It makes every babe look perfectly natural but HUMONGOUS, if you know what I mean! Every scene is hotter than the last! Guaranteed to turn bored teenagers into man-meat crazed pron star milf hotties talkin' DIRECTLY to you and showin you all there stuff. I swear you can smell sex through that cable.

I haven't been out of the basement since I bought my Denon. It is the shit, 'bro!

[struggle4progress]

8. The attributes drop-down box is fun:

Dimensional rift preventability
Cure cancer
Will geeks admire you
Channel demons from hell
Durability for jump rope
Summon tuscon whole milk