Forgiveness = Time + Distance

[Amerigo Vespucci]

I had someone I thought was a friend really fuck me over today.

He offered to do something for me which, in my current circumstances, qualified him as a "lifesaver."

I spoke with him today and was thanking him, acknowledging his generosity and kindness and how I knew what he offered to do would not be convenient, and that made me appreciate it all the more.

He sat there and took this all in and told me that he'd changed his mind and withdrew what he'd offered to do.

I once asked a good friend...a TRUE friend...how he forgave people he did not want to forgive in his heart.

I'll never forget his response.

"Time + Distance."

He's right. You have to disconnect yourself from the person and give it time. Eventually, life will unfold in other areas and this will be a mere blip on the radar.

Today it hurts like hell.

That is all.

:grouphug:

[Callalily]

1. I am so sorry to hear

that your friend reneged on his promise.

I too have found myself a situation(s) of granting forgiveness, and although it's difficult, it ultimately frees YOU.

:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

2. My mom used to say...

...you don't forgive someone for them, you forgive them for you...which is essentially what you're saying, and I thank you for the reminder.

It really is a matter of time and distance, though. I see this guy today, I see a liar and a coward, but the longer in I wallow in that, the harder it is for me to set it down and move on.

[FarLeftRage]

3. You know that you are not alone....

Everyone at one time or another finds themselves in this situation.

Currently with me, it is my own family members and it will be very tough for me to deal with them.

I can only hope and pray that each one of us finds a timely and peaceful resolution to "forgiving those who have trespassed against us".....

[Amerigo Vespucci]

4. Thank you...

encouragement in the form of "you are not alone" has come to me in increasing magnitude in recent days, and I do believe it. That's what saddens me most...that "we" choose to do these things to each other.

Time + distance. I haven't found a better formula.

[Dystopian]

5. Thank you....

Amerigo Vespucci:hug:
I'm sorry that you are hurting, yet your pain brought forth words of wisdom in a simple equation.

"I see a liar and a coward, but the longer in I wallow in that, the harder it is for me to set it down and move on."

Yes, this is all I also see...and it's difficult to come to terms with that vision and those feelings.
The longer I obsess, the more bitter I become...all for naught.
It's self-destructive. And in my world, it really should not matter.
But I hang on to being lied to by someone who others hold in high esteem, waiting and wanting him to be outed for who he really is.
Not healthy or productive.
Not a part of my life..

I need to let go...
There has been enough Time + Distance.

I will be thinking about this...about you...and know that your attitude and enlightenment will see you through...
Wishing you the best...

peace & love to you~

[Amerigo Vespucci]

6. Thanks Dystopian...

...I hadn't thought about it until I read your words, but you're right...my "attitude and enlightenment will see me through."

As I get older I learn that I can control one thing in life.

Me.

The degree to which I exercise that control makes all the difference...it's Robert Frost's "road less traveled" come to life. Our first instinct, as human beings, is to expect the other person to feel bad about the fact that they've wronged us.

In reality, this guy's gonna have dinner tonight, go to bed, get up, go to work, and probably not give this a thought.

I can't afford to let it bother me any more than it bothers him. He didn't "owe" me anything. He made an offer he decided was above and beyond what he could commit to.

As a Christian, I'm supposed to pray for him. Unless I want to become one of the "fake Christians" I constantly complain about on DU, I need to do just that...pray for him, and pray for the wisdom and strength I need in order to fill the gap created by his about-face.

:grouphug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. My dear Amerigo Vespucci...

Oh, sweetie, that is a tough place to be...

The Greek philosopher Epictetus put it this way, more or less: There are two sorts of things in this world. One is stuff you have control over; the other you have zero control over. You have to let go of the stuff you have zero control over to live your life.

It is not an easy thing to do. But once you have done it, then you are far better off...

I am so very sorry that this happened to you...

:hug:

[Amerigo Vespucci]

8. Thanks CP...

...I agree completely. As I've written elsewhere, all I can control is "me."

Any friend in need who showed up at my doorstep would be welcomed in, no questions asked.

I have no right to expect other people to do that.

I keep my word.

For some people, giving their word is a method of feeling like a hero in the moment and something else when their word is broken.

I look in the mirror and like the guy I am. He's not perfect, but...as Neil Young once sang...he is "as real as the day is long."

:grouphug: