Favorite Simpsons quote thread

[fujiyama]

I figured I'd start this after the "It tastes like burning" option on the other forum. So what are your favorite quotes from the Simpsons?

"My cat's breath smells like catfood".

"you broke my wookie"

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

1. My all-time fave

"Oh my God - the dead have risen and they're voting Republican!"

[MnFats]

2. Marge, I swear: I thought you'd never find out.

(after Homer promises to get rid of the gun but keeps it)

several great lines from that one:
"Waiting period? but I'm mad now!"

[chrisesq]

12. This gun has cost me everything

My wife, my kids, everything except my precious, precious gun.

Or something like that.

[Richardo]

70. Also the classic storefront: Bloodbath and Beyond...

:D

[neoteric lefty]

3. this could be an entire thread

about Ralph Wiggum quotes. My fav of his is

"Me fail English? That's unpossible!"

[fujiyama]

8. I love your banner...

God Jon Stewart was just great tonight!

[neoteric lefty]

31. thanks, I made another

[sarahbellum]

68. the sacrilicious waffle

Homer: Why do you mock me, O Lord?
Marge: Homer, that's not God. That's just a waffle that Bart tossed up there.
Homer: I know I shouldn't eat thee, but - Mmm, sacrilicious.

edited to add- sorry.
i didn't mean to post here.
is there a way to delete a message?

[Triple H]

4. "If he's so smart, then why is he dead?"

Homer Simpson

"I dressed myself!" - Ralph Wiggum

"The doctor said I wouldn't get so many nosebleeds if I kept my finger outta there!" - Ralph Wiggum

[JohnyCanuck]

14. Ralph Wiggum, "Even my boogers are spicy " n/t

n/t

[drhilarius]

5. "To alcohol

the cause of and solution to all of life's problems."

[Donkeyboy75]

6. "I'm taking my wife out to the car,

and I won't be back for FIVE MINUTES"

Homer J. Simpson

aka Homer J. Fong

[SmileyBoy]

7. "Marge, maybe it's the beer talking, but yours is a butt that won't quit."

"They've got these big pretzels and zwahafghcsdbkvbaallkihaaa... FIVE DOLLARS??? Get outta here..."

[chrisesq]

9. Mine

Homer: "Hello, my name is Mr. Burns, I believe you have a letter for me.

Post office worker: "Sure thing, Mr. Burns, what's your first name?"

Homer: "I don't know."

[codegreen]

10. "great idea, Bart..."

[JohnyCanuck]

11. Ralph Wiggum

(Ralph is about to enter a door labeled "adult section)
BART: Uh uh!! You have to be four inches taller to go in the adult section!
RALPH: Ppppllllllleeeeeeaaaaaaaassssssseeeeee!
BART: Oh okay... But you have to stand on your toes.
(Ralph gleefully enters the room)
RALPH: Everybody's hugging

Ralph Wiggum Quotes

[proud patriot]

13. "It's perfectly legal Marge I could walk up to the president and blow

smoke in his stupid monkey face and he couldn't do anything
about it ."

[elperromagico]

16. LOL - Yeah, that's a great one.

:thumbsup:

[Syrinx]

41. Ding Ding, We have a winner

That's what I was going to post.

[elperromagico]

15. "Go suck a Bible."

{Bart returns from being hypnotized by Sideshow Bob)
Marge: Bart, where have you been?
Bart (robotically): I was at the flower shop.
Homer: Oh, uh, yeah. I was at the flower shop too! Yep, gettin' drunk at the ol' flower shop.

Abe: The President is a Demmy-crat!

Abe (explaining why his flag has only 49 stars): I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missour-a!

Homer (looking at funhouse mirrors): I am a robot. Do as I say... I am a washing machine. Do as I say.

Homer (at a BTO concert): No new crap! 'Taking Care of Business'!

[JohnyCanuck]

17. Monty Burns at the Post Office.

"I'd like this delivered to the Prussian consulate in Siam by aeromail. Am I too late for the five thirty autogyro?"

[chrisesq]

18. Mr. Burns at the Gas Station

"You there, fill it up with petroleum distillate, and re-vulcanize
my tires, post haste. And none of your usual boobery!"

[jpgray]

19. The 'Inside Edition' parody when Homer is accused of sexual harrassment

That was just unbelievably hilarious.

[elperromagico]

21. Hillbilly: I keep tellin' you, I just grow sorghum here!

Reporter: Uh-huh, and where are the hookers?
Hillbilly: 'Round back... whoops.

[BigMcLargehuge]

23. Rock Bottom

that was the name of the show...

:)

[Djinn]

20. Too many

Homer: "Your welcome to watch anything on TV."
Bart: "TV sucks!"
Homer: "I know your upset right now, so I'll pretend you didn't say that."

cop: Are you trying to stall us or are you just senile?
Abe: A little from column A, a little from column B.

Homer: "Please, please, kids stop fighting. Maybe Lisa's right about America being the land of opportunity, and maybe Adil has a point about the machinery of capitalism being oiled with the blood of the workers."

[Ladyhawk]

22. "The fingers you have used to dial are too fat...

...to obtain a special dialing wand, please mash your palm on the keypad, now."

[jpgray]

25. LOL! That episode is great as well

"If the paper turns clear, it's your key to weight gain!"

[Ladyhawk]

26. Hehe..."Dad, eat around the banana. It's just empty vitamins."

[guitar man]

38. LOL,same episode

Bart:


"I think its ironic that for once dad's butt PREVENTED the release of toxic gas"

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

43. "When I grow up, I wanna be a lard-o on Workmen's Comp,

Just like my old man!"

"I wash my back with a rag on a stick!"

[CanuckAmok]

24. All Burns:

"Oppression and harrasment are a small price to pay to live in the Land of the Free"

"Books and cocao in the same store? What's next, a talking banana?! Of course the very idea of a talking banana is ludicrous, but...still..."

"Employee of the Week isn't all ham and plaques!"

"And so the worm has turned...into a shark...with a gun for a beak..."

"Snowmen have peepers...peepers to watch..."

[KinkyDem]

75. more burns

"Release the dogs AND the bees. Oh, and send a note to the widow."

[HawkerHurricane]

27. Homer: Why, Bart could be the next Warren Berger!

Burger.
Cheeseburger.
Bacon Cheeseburger!
Double Bacon Cheeseburger!

[Earth_First]

28. "And now to end this Halloween broadcast on a scary note...

...the Presidential Primaries are only a few months away."

Homer: "If you don't like it, move to Russia."

FYI: June 15, 2004 season 4 dvd is released...

[chrisesq]

29. Unless its pushed back, just like every other box set thats been released

[CanuckAmok]

30. Best pun ever" It was people...people soiled our green!"

[rucky]

32. I can't stay mad at you, sandwich, "

[Guaranteed]

45. LOL nt

[zelda7743]

33. Homer's classic

Marge, get me my address book, four beers, and my conversation hat.

[puerco-bellies]

34. Fat Tony

"I don't get mad, I get stabbie."

[The Magistrate]

35. There Was A Homer Gem In An Episode Last Night

"Because children are the future...unless we do something about it!"

[CanuckAmok]

37. Check out my sig:

...

[A-Schwarzenegger]

36. "Wow! I'm a human savings machine!"

Ralph at the market in the amazing "coupons" episode.

[tjwash]

39. "Abortions for this half, little plastic flags for everyone else"

Those space aliens are a riot.

[elperromagico]

40. Clinton: I don't want to spend the rest of my Presidency sealed in a tube!

[sniffa]

49. don't bLame me

i voted for kodos.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

60. "The politics of failure have failed. We need to make them work again."

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

61. "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos!" - Homer

(in response to Marge's question, "I don't understand why we have to build a giant ray gun to point at a planet I never even HEARD of!" when the Simpsons, as well as the rest of the Earth population, have been enslaved by the newly elected Emeror Kang regime.)

[theoceansnerves]

42. wigsphere

bart: you are, as we say in latin, a dorkus malorkus.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

62. Lisa: "That's not LATIN!"

[Guaranteed]

44. The whole scene before Barney quits drinking...

actually, the whole first half of that episode is hilarious.

But I love the scene in the bar when they're talking about Barney's alcoholism- right in front of him:

Moe: "Can you imagine this booze-bag behind the wheel of a whirley-bird? He'd be like, 'Hey, everybody, look at me! I'm a tanked-up loser in a helicopter!'"

Barney: "Is that what you think of me? I'm a tanked-up loser?"

Moe: "Awwww, it looks like a certain loser could use some tankin' up!"

[Spentastic]

46. Stampy the Elephant episode

Homer

"Then I'll reach in and pull out my arms with my face"

That and the "Go away" sign in the same episode make it my favourite.

Anything with homers brain makes me laugh too.

Homer

"I was at moes!"

Brain

"Don't let them know that Moe's is a bar"

Homer

"I was buying pornography"

[Aidoneus]

47. "I didn't know you, Jay Leno, and a monkey were bathing a clown"

[Ganja Ninja]

48. Homer trying to calm the fears of Lisa.

Homer: "Remember that rain forest thing a few years ago honey? Well our politicians saw there was a problem and they fixed it."

Lisa: "No they didn't!"

[sniffa]

50. Hi I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from..

....such educational films as "Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly," and "Here Comes the Metric System!"

....such films as "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules" and "Dial 'M' for Murderousness".

....such films as "'P' is for Psycho" and "The President's Neck is Missing".

....such films as "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" and "Gladys, the Groovy Mule".

....such films as "The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed" and "They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall".

....such Fox Network Specials as "Alien Nose Job" and "The Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show".

....such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!"

[vi5]

51. "If the bible has taught us nothing (and it hasn't).....

...it's that women should stick to sports they're good at like hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."

[ET Awful]

52. It's time to do what America does best, ACT UNILATERALLY!!!

from the recent trip to England episode :)

[nuxvomica]

53. "You know what I blame this on the downfall of?"

"Society!"
-- Moe

[Ganja Ninja]

54. Homer on facts.

Homer: "Oh, those are just facts. You can use facts to prove anything you want."

[MountainLaurel]

55. "I'm just trying to get into heaven. . ."

It's not like I'm running for Jesus or anything."

[sniffa]

56. everywhere, peopLe are dragging

their own garbage cans to the curb. DID WE LOSE A WAR!? that's not america.... that's not even mexico.

- homer running for garbageman

[Coventina]

57. Ma'am, I have been GROSSLY misinformed about witches!"

Bart, when he gets a job at the Maison Derriere.

[Butterflies]

58. When Abe Simpson is leaving his fast-food job:

....and I NEVER washed my hands - that's YOUR policy, not mine.

[Mayberry Machiavelli]

59. BTW Ralph's Wookie was Bent, not Broken

[Bertha Venation]

63. mmmm. . . . floor pie

[ellie]

64. So many quotes, so little time

When Marge went into the pretzel business:

Fat Tony: My wife keeps asking me, where are the pretzel monies? When will you get the pretzel monies?

When Homer gained weigh to work at home:

Stupid bird! Oh, it's not your fault.

When Homer ate the psychedelic peppers:
In your face space ghost! (I like to yell that out every once in a while)

When Homer steals Moe's car for the insurance money, he is at the drive in watching, "Hail to the Chimp:"

Politician: This report is filled with technical jargon and partisan rhetoric!

The chimp attacks him, beating him up. Homer, watches, laughing:
Looks like someone didn't "Hail to the Chimp."

Homer as the mayor's bodyguard:
Mayor Quimby: He looks familiar.
Homer, paging through the program: I think he was in Rent, or Stomp or Clomp or some piece of crap.

[kitkatrose]

65. My sigline.

:)

[noonwitch]

66. "Welcome, neglecterinos!" Ned Flanders

The entire foster care epidsode is hilarious.

[DonP]

67. Krusty on guns

"There are three reasons to own a gun. To protect yourself and your family, to hunt dangerous and delicious animals, and to keep the King of England out of your face." - Krusty the Clown

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

69. Ralph - my doctor said I woldn't have so many nosebleeds...

if I kept my fingr out of there!

[Richardo]

71. God bless those pagans.

- Homer.

[Richardo]

72. My favorite Chief Wiggam:

Oh, man, what a day. It's no cakewalk being a single parent, juggling a career and family like so many juggling balls... two, I suppose.

[Richardo]

73. Kent Brockman...

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: democracy just doesn't work!

[redqueen]

74. Too many!

Smithers, to Burns: Look at all the wonderful things you have, sir: King Arthur's Excalibur; the only existing nude photo of Mark Twain; and that rare first draft of the constitution with the word "suckers" in it.


Homer: That's what I've been saying! We're all fine the way we are! Turns on television. Ooh! It's that new show about the policeman who solves crimes in his spare time!

(snip)

Homer: Ah, McGarnacle . . . eases the pain.

[regularguy]

76. After leaving Bart stranded in the rain for hours...

Homer (paraphrasing): "Look Bart, we can argue all day long about who forgot to pick up who;why don't we just both admit that we were wrong and make up...."

I still use variations of this line regularly......

[fudge stripe cookays]

77. "I'd kill everyone in this room right now for a drop of sweeet beeeeeer."