Paying children for grades?

[SarahB]

I've never done this and I pretty much disagree with the whole concept actually, but I know there are parents out there who do this. My daughter's in 6th grade and it was report card day. She's always done well, but this time among the A's were 3 A+'s. I'd like to show her that I'm proud and encourage it, but at the same time, not delve into the abyss of paying her for good grades (I couldn't afford it, especially since she's not the only one of mine who does well). Any thoughts? :)

[GOPisEvil]

1. I got silver dollars for A's when I was a kid.

But then, I was an only child, and not the best student on the face of the earth. :freak::silly:

[TXlib]

2. If she's that good a student, then for her

success is prolly its own reward.

Does she have a favorite museum or some other educational activity you could take her to as a reward?

[no_hypocrisy]

17. I second that motion. Give her a memory of an experience, not money.

My father doled out a dollar per "A". It didn't make me work any harder. I would have prefered something symbolic like my parents framing a paper that received an "A".

B.F. Skinner, author of child psychology, endorsed "positive reinforcement" wherein a child is rewarded for behavior one wants to encourage and not giving recognition to unwanted behavior. I don't think he meant using money that can be interpreted as a bribe to get good grades.

[radwriter0555]

22. oh come ON. She's 12. She is way more into cool stuff than

BONDING with MOM.

NO OFFENSE.

But let's get real.

:D

[no_hypocrisy]

23. I think there's cool stuff that you could do, au contraire.

In NYC, you can take helicopter ride tours around Manhattan, go ice-skating at Rockefeller Center, go to concerts, horseback riding in Central Park, etc. Leave the city and you can end up in a hot-air balloon at dawn, box seats at a sports arena, a daytrip to Montauk Point or another place you've never been.

Or if that's too pricey (for me, it would be), cooking a special meal might do the trick.

I don't go in for the faux parent-child bonding thing too. But I do like unusual experiences and would hope to foster the same passion in my kid.

[LynzM]

3. Do something else she really enjoys?

Take her out someplace, what does she like? Favorite restaurante? Movies? Roller-blading? Buy her a new book or a couple of magazines she wants? Or is that too close to still being money...?

How about just telling her that you love the effort she puts into her work, and you're very impressed by those 3 A+ s!!!

[arcane1]

4. ah yes, she certainly would deserve it in this case

it doesn't hurt, I guess, to reinforce positive behavior, anyway, although it can get expensive :P

if not money then at least a priviledge, something like that

well-done! You seem to know how to raise 'em right! :toast:

[SarahB]

7. They're smart anyway.

I'm sure I'll be getting a few therapy bills sent to me in another 20 years though.

[arcane1]

11. hehe

would that be considered karma for your parents, by any chance?

[redqueen]

5. Maybe a special Mom & Daughter dinner?

Just you two, any place she chooses?

Or just tell her how proud you are of her (and how proud she should be of herself!) and ask her what special thing she'd like to do?

[SarahB]

9. That's always good

We love to escape the prevalence of testosterone around here anyway.

[redqueen]

lol

And I should have said before: Kudos to you for the great job you're doing! :)

[Viking12]

6. Postive Reinforcement

I've always found that positive reinforcement is a great way to motivate my kids. Whether the reward is recognition, a special day together, or cash I think it will only induce success on future report cards. You may also want to emphasize that education is a rewrd in and of itself, but the added value won't hurt.

[flamingyouth]

8. How about a gift certificate to a bookstore?

(Assuming she likes to read, based on her good grades)

Or maybe a treat you know she's had her heart set on for a while.

You must be very proud of her - good job!!! I congratulate her! :D

[Supormom]

10. There are a lot of ways we reward our children for good grades

1. LOTS of verbal praise
2. Let her pick out a favorite meal for dinner
3. Spend some time together in one of her favorite activities

We have two children. One gets really good grades seemingly without much effort while the other struggles a lot more in school. We still reward both of them for their effort and hard work.
My parents never once told me they were proud of me when I was growing up even though I was a good student and active in positive programs. To me, saying "I'm so proud of the work you've done," is the greatest reward I can give to my children. I love the look on their faces when they hear those words.
:)

[strategery blunder]

12. Is your child motivated to get good grades internally?

If she likes to get good grades, and likes to do the work to get them, you probably shouldn't pay her.

By paying her, you would be replacing her internal motivation with external motivation (the money) that could easily be taken away. If something happens where you can no longer pay her for good grades, she will lose her motivation to work for them.

You may wish to research the psychology concept of intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation (though I'm not a psychologist, I'm in a psych class right now and we talked about this a week or so ago).

[SarahB]

14. This is what I get afraid of

It's a delicate balance and she's at a crucial age and a lot of family stuff is going on. She's at that age just before what can be that turning point for girls.

[jedicord]

13. WARNING!

My son is a very intelligent kid who just doesn't give a D*MN about school. He makes A's in science, social studies, language arts, etc. but math kicks his butt. So I started grounding him for every F he brought home in his weekly folder.

I thought he was doing great, 'cause he wasn't bringing home F's until he got his report card (he made a 71). Turns out my sunshine was taking out the F's and throwing them away. No more grounding for F's (just for lying!).

[SarahB]

15. Sounds like me

I'd get A's in everything else and be in advanced classes, but Math kicked my butt. Not quite F's, but not much better. Fortunately, they're doing a bit better so far. Let's hope it keeps up.

[MissMillie]

16. Did you notice that her efforts had stepped up?

If so, you can tell her that you are rewarding her effort, not her grades.

[geniph]

18. My mother used to take my report cards to work

and post them on the wall by her desk when I got straight A's. I was always secretly proud of that when I visited her at work. She used to show the perfect report cards to all her co-workers (who I am sure could not have cared less, but she was the boss). It made me strive hard for those perfect report cards.

[SW FL Dem]

19. I don't believe in cash as a reward for good grades

When my son does better than expected, he gets something special like a night out at his favorite restaurant or a trip to the local water park.

[radwriter0555]

20. Take her shopping! Or even better, ASK her... Tell her how PROUD

you are, and give her a couple options, such as shopping for clothes, a gift card, shopping at a books & cd store, whatever...

She will love you for it.

I did the same thing for my kid when she really went above and beyond the call of duty when I was recently laid up with an injury. My 10 year old really shouldered a LOT of work around the house... and we had recently discussed raising her allowance.

So one morning I said "You know, I've been thinking about your allowance, and I don't think that amount is really fair..." (we had settled on a dollar more a week).

Her face fell. Her allowance had been $5 a week. Then I said

"I am going to give you $7 a week from now on, because you've been so amazing in helping me around the house... you really deserve it.."

She plotzed.

[amazona]

21. I never got paid and I got all As -- coincidence, I think not

We were high achieving kids with broke parents, so we never got paid. It used to flabbergast us to hear kids getting paid for As and even Bs. Must be nice. It sends the wrong message anyway. For me, it would have been crossing a line and taking away my achievement and making it a chore I performed to please Mommy and Daddy, instead of a sport of trying to score the grades. It would have killed the spirit of the thing and probably led to poorer grades in the end.

You can be proud of someone and let them know it in a lot of ways, but bringing in money usually spoils things. I'd say, let her pick a favorite dinner that you will cook or something fun of that nature.

But don't take her accomplishment and make it be about pleasing YOU.

[Nikia]

24. My friend takes his kids shopping

We lets them get something that they want that is reasonably priced. They don't have a lot of money so it is special for them to get something that they want rather than just need.