Parents and kids as Facebook friends?

[Terry in Austin]

I don't have any kids, but I've been on FB a while. The customs for it are still taking shape, and I'm curious about how (or even whether) people handle having their children and/or parents included in their FB lives. Having Mom read your posts might cramp your style just a little, I'd imagine.

Any observations or anecdotes?

[kick-ass-bob]

1. A requirement for my children.

You friend me or you don't get FB.

And I am smart enough to know the tricks to try to get around this, and they know, if found, that is the end of the internet. LOL

(until 18, of course.)

[sammytko]

17. how do you know they don't have another page?

all they need is another e-mail address. At one time I had 5 facebook pages.

[kick-ass-bob]

18. because I'm a bit more technologically savvy than that.

I control the computers and track things on them. Even if I'm not perfect, I have "doubt" on my side.

"Can he really check this? Maybe, maybe not, but I'm not gonna find out."

[sammytko]

19. computers at home, but what about at friends houses or library?

[kick-ass-bob]

20. lol.

What if he's a world class haxor and unleashed viruses on the world from his secret compartment in the crawl space?!?

What about them? I know how much time they spend at friends houses and libraries and if they set up other FB accounts for such little time, then they are wasting their time. I know my kids, and they know me. They know the damage from lying to me is much far worse than a lesson they would get by posting something on FB.

Edit:
And because I can find them and they know it. I have found other people's that they didn't want found, so I sure as hell can find a teenager's.

[sammytko]

21. well its wonderful that y'all have such a great relationship!

wish everyone were so lucky!

[Dappleganger]

28. That can happen.

When myspace was more popular we were told via a friend that our oldest daughter (at that time in middle school) had pretty creepy-looking page w/out our knowledge. I put the quash on that until she was a bit older.

[HopeHoops]

2. My wife and kids are "friends". My dad is all of our "friends". I haven't been on in six months.

My youngest daughter's "friend request" is still pending. I guess I should get on and take care of that, eh?

[rbnyc]

3. I think that if you're going to post something...

...you wouldn't want your mother to see, then you probably shouldn't post it.

My uncle (who is my age) and my cousin (who is a teenager) are facebook friends, and they are my friends too. Sometimes I'll see her post something like "I'm so bored." and he'll post "do your homework." I don't think she's even supposed to have a page, as she's not 18. But all her friends are on there too.

[wickerwoman]

23. Yeah, I think that's a good rule of thumb.

I'm friends with a lot of people from work as well as my mom.

Can't think of anything I would want to post or have posted about me that I would want my colleagues to see but not my mom.

The internet. It's permanent, folks!

[TZ]

4. Me and my two sisters are all FB friends with my mom

But being as we are all adult children (and middle aged to boot now) its not really that bad. Its a great way to let everyone know what I'm up to without having to make a lot of phone calls..though I admit that its been interesting having some of my FB/internet friends meet and friend my mother..lol.

[realisticphish]

5. My mom is on facebook

I don't worry that much about offending her. I generally wouldn't post anything I wouldn't be ok with a future employer seeing anyway :shrug:

I don't censor myself in terms of intellectual content, though I use less profanity than I might

[CaliforniaPeggy]

6. Both my kids are fb friends with me...but they're adults.

It's fine. It does make for fewer phone calls, lol!

I think if we'd had facebook when they were teenagers, the story might well have been different.

:hi:

[j2thabo]

35. I am an adult.

Mom got deleted after three days of constant phone calls.... Asking for explanations to all my posts. Lol. I still call often however. :)

[supernova]

7. Dunno, My SiL

is "friends" with my nephews on FB. The oldest nephew graduated college last spring and is living on his own with a girl who is of a different skin tone. Mom doesn't approve and sees the pics anyway. LOL. Not much she can do about it. :rofl:

I didn't friend the nephews because from my POV, we all need our space. But that may change as we get older. I am FB friends with my niece and her hubby. We're all in our 40s though. And I get to see pics of their kids I otherwise wouldn't.

It's a mixed bag if your family is the privacy seeking sort like we are.

[zen_bohemian]

8. I'm facebook friends with my kids

I dont pay attention to their page. My page with my friends and our constant cutting up with each other is alot less mature, they may be checking out my page LOL I gotta watch what I say :)

[spinbaby]

9. Not a problem for us

But the child in question is 32.

[KamaAina]

10. There's an entire website devoted to this phenomenon

http://www.myparentsjoinedfacebook.com

Oh Crap. My Parents Joined Facebook.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOUR PARENTS JUST JOINED FACEBOOK. YOUR LIFE IS OFFICIALLY OVER.

So, you finally caved. You've accepted a friend request from your Mom, Dad, crazy Aunt Ida, and your college roommate’s newly divorced mother. Well here's your chance to get back at them for taking away your public privacy.
Email us at: [e-mail] because we want to laugh at your Mom’s ridiculous Facebook status and the embarrassing message your Dad wrote on your wall too! If you want your relative to remain anonymous include that in the email.

Family. Can't Facebook with 'em, can't unFriend 'em!

[Terry in Austin]

12. Choice!

Thanks for the link!

:hi:

[hyphenate]

39. Wow, there is a huge oxymoron

in that description: public privacy. That is certainly an interesting concept, but it's true!


I am, as I am here at DU, a crusader, and sworn enemy of the evit dominionists, fundies, and other nasty religious authoritarians. So over at FB, I post a lot of links to cultural phenomena, and current affairs. I also have acquired many new, atheist friends and widened my circle of contacts, which kind of hints to my family members that I'm not shy about it all! I know my other nephew, who is 18, is impressed that I can talk to him in his vernacular, and that I'm not as stuffy as his mom.

My brother isn't on as solid ground as I am there, and refuses to put up a picture of himself for security reasons, he says, but his two sons practically live online.

[laylah]

11. Well, my kiddos have no intention

of answering my fb friend requests. Problem solved. :shrug:

Jenn

[Connie_Corleone]

13. My cousin rejected his mother's Friend request.

So she can't see what he's posting on his page. I didn't even try to friend him. He might reject me too, thinking I would tell his mother what he's posting.

[Lex]

26. Kind of dumb of him not to know how to use the privacy filters available

on Facebook so he could set it so she couldn't see his status updates.

[Dappleganger]

29. My sister and I blocked our father's request...

but he has "issues." We wanted to be free to post pictures and comments without fear of his disruptive opinions. We also didn't want him to judge what our kids do so we showed them how to block him out too. He can't see them or their pics at all.

[Beer Snob-50]

14. I am friends with both of my kids

and a few of their friends.Not a big deal. They will trash some of my posts as I do theirs.

[Arkansas Granny]

15. My kids/grandkids keep bugging me to get on FB. Apparently, that's

how the rest of the family stays in touch and shares pictures these days. All adults, no teens.

[sammytko]

16. I think you should have 2 facebook pages

one for you and your friends where you can just cut loose and one for family.

I hate that a FB friend is always reminding us that her page is rated "G". I could really give a flying pimple if your kid can see your page - don't chat with us if we offend you.

We are 50 and sometimes we gals just like to let it all hang out.

Of course there is the option of making groups etc.

[Dappleganger]

30. Secret groups are great...

a forum I used to hang out a lot formed one with about 15 or so folks, and we can rib the hell out of each other without anyone else seeing it but who's in the group. Awesome!

[j2thabo]

36. I love this!

What a great idea!

[Blue Diadem]

22. There are ways to customize who can see certain messages.

I use the custom feature for posting my game messages after my daughter showed me. She has her friends divided into lists and utilizes those for various posts. Needless to say, I very seldom see what she posts unless she wants me to see it.

[madmom]

24. I'm friends with both my kids, but they are adults. What is worse is my daughter

friended an aunt to a boyfriend who is now an ex, how do you undo that without appearing b*tchy.

[j2thabo]

38. She's your family.

Obvioously you're on her side, I don't think that's b*tchy.

[Lex]

25. If you know how to use the privacy filters

on Facebook you can be Facebook friends with anyone without a problem.

[j2thabo]

40. Do you know

If you can still set it so people can't search for you? I can't seem to figure it out since they changed it.

[Dappleganger]

27. 3 of ours have FB pages...

We have kids ages 19, 17, 14 and 13. The youngest doesn't have a FB page yet (he's not interested). The 19 and 14 yr. old girls friended us, the 17 yr. old son did it for awhile but then he unfriended us. He is very responsible and just wanted his space. Sometimes I will post a pic of him and tag it just to annoy the hell out of him, lol.

My personal rule is that I don't comment on their updates when it doesn't have something to do with me. The 19 yr. old is on skype constantly talking w/her friends so her FB isn't as busy. The 14 yr. old just engages in the typical 8th grade herpa-derp and her FB games (we do play some together).

FB does have an age limit of 13 for good reason.

[tigereye]

33. my kid is 14 and could care less.

Isn't it wild how quickly some teens/students adapt to the rapidly changing communication technologies- things are in, then they are out so rapidly. I can barely keep up!

[blueamy66]

31. My soon to be step son

has accepted me as a friend.

I am on Cloud Nine.

Love to see his pics and follow his life.

[beyurslf]

32. I am friends with mine. They are in high school.

I know they are on other social networks though and I dont try to be on all of them.

[hyphenate]

34. Yeah, I'm having some problems with one of my nieces

on FB. She seems to do a lot of flirting with her friends, and I have to bite my tongue sometimes. I've made a couple of responses to her posts, but I realise now it's not cool for me to say anything about her dating habits or choice of friends--that's her world. But I at least know what she's up to!

My other niece and nephews, as well as a grand-nephew are a lot more settled, it appears. My grand-nephew is now 16, and he's got a steady girlfriend, and his mom (my other niece) is well over 30 now, and leads her own complicated life.

It's easy to be friends with them all, but it's not so easy to keep your opinions to yourself on what they should or should not be doing. It's like other avenues of communication we're well familiar with: respect their privacy and they will respect yours.

[mopinko]

37. i just unfriended my family members.

on the way to a probably ugly divorce, and had to choose between not whining about my situation on fb, or defriending my kids (all young adults) for their own good. defriended the hubby for obvious reasons.
not that i get a lot of sympathy when i whine, but i knew i was still gonna look at that status box and feel compelled to tell the truth there.
the kids get enough info from the fights around the house.

[Withywindle]

41. My mom and I are FB friends.

But then, I'm 41 and she's 62.

[Withywindle]

42. My mom and I are FB friends.

But then, I'm 41 and she's 62.

[mnhtnbb]

43. Both my sons (24 and 20) are fb friends. I would never, ever

post the kind of comments like "call your mother!" (my SIL posted that on her daughter's wall)
or a nasty comment about not paying enough attention to your mother (saw that on one friend's page
after her dad died and ultimately the friend had to unfriend her mother).

I debated friending some of my nephews and niece because I really didn't want their mother,
my SIL to friend request me--which she ultimately did. This was the SIL whose e-mails I blocked
prior to the 2008 election because I got sick of her forwarded anti-Dem or anti-Obama crap.
So far, she's not posted any political opinions, but I am getting sick of her sucking up
comments. Mostly, I try to ignore her.

[Terra Alta]

44. my mom joined FB not too long ago.

It doesn't bother me. My brother was a bit hesitant to add her, though. She hasn't posted anything embarrassing thankfully; she mostly goes on there to play games(which she's gotten hugely addicted to).

[Kat45]

45. My friend's teenage daughter is FB friendw with her mother

I'm also a FB friend of both the mother and daughter.

[bluedigger]

46. No personal experience.

But I am enjoying my friend make Thanksgiving plans with her son.:eyes: They haven't figured out the use of PMs yet, I guess.

And I did make an off color comment that raised the eyes of another friend's Mom, I think...:rofl:

[The Midway Rebel]

47. Anybody catch the SNL skit about this topic?

It was amock commercial for software that made your FB posts and photos "mom friendly". It was funny.

I just signed up on FB. Lots of kids,teenage nephews and nieces and redneck cousins there. I just pretend I am at a family picnic and behave accordingly.

[qnr]

48. I wouldn't know. Don't know my family n/t

[Rhythm]

49. My mom's on mine

I'm a middle-aged treehugging queer agnostic... mom is a diehard fundie conservative southern baptist old lady.
She sent me a friend request, which i was initially leery of.

I don't censor myself, even if it does elicit the occasional private message about "using such language" or being repulsed at the risque comments which i receive from a few close friends. If she doesn't like what she sees, she can 'hide' me or de-friend me without my taking offense. I have yet to complain about her posts about her church or her politics, because i know i am not the intended audience, and i am no more likely able to bring her over to the progressive side of the spectrum than she is to get me into one of her snake-handling tent revivals.
(o.k... the snakes are a bit of an exaggerations, but you get the idea)

[jobycom]

50. My mom and my kids are friends on mine. And they're friends with each other.

My oldest, at least, is smart enough to block me from anything I shouldn't know. And at 45, I'm not worried about my mom finding out anything about me. She hasn't been able to ground me in at least ten years now.

[Quantess]

51. You can customize your status posts

so that certain people can't see it.

[Petrushka]

52. Of course, having your Mom read your facebook posts might cramp your style . . . so . . .

. . . by the time you reach your 14th or 15th birthday, you've figured out
what kind of post your parents will approve of; and, when you're told to shut
down the computer and get to sleep, you've learned to keep in touch with
your friends until 3 a.m. via text-messages in a facebook chat your parents
never see . . . but . . . it might take a while before you find out that your
grandma has already noticed what you're doing.




:spank:

[seabeyond]

53. my kids dont do facebook. my experience with du lets me know even as an adult

listening to a bunch of anonymous posters effect my thinking. with the ability to use our other senses in rl evaluating what a person is saying, we are deprived on the net. i dont need a bunch of strangers without the best interest of my children influencing the kids, depriving them of needed tools they cant use on the net.

they dont use the social network of the net.

that being said, i have told them that facebook is a bet like the always connected parent cell phone phenomenon and that kids are getting caught on things they should be able to get away with. be aware what is on facebook when they do use. understand everything on the net stays. and no.... i dont need to be a part of the kids social network in later years, they can have their own life.

there are so many different ways to parent. as long as we parent.

[peacefreak]

54. I'm FB friends with my daugher,

Mostly to see pics of the grandkids. I do read her posts & don't answer to most of them, even pics of her wayward youth. The statute of limitations has run out. It does give me an interesting window into her past!

[WinkyDink]

55. Is talking to each other in the same house passe'?