If Cats Published a Tourist Guide, How Would They Rate the Accommodations at Your Place?

[SoDesuKa]

If cats were to publish a tourist guide, what would they look for?

Cat Preferences


• food
  
• high perches
  
• hiding places
  
• attentive staff
  
• no dogs
  
• no children
  
• window view
  
• amount of nap time
  

I'm not sure how many stars my own place would rate. The cuisine starts and ends with cat food, but they don't go hungry. Yes, there is a window they can look out, and occasionally there's a bird in a nearby tree. No, the staff is not attentive; in fact is absent a good deal of the time. But hurray! No dogs or kids. And you're guaranteed as much nap time as you can stand.

[Pool Hall Ace]

1. My place wouldn't even make the tourist guide.

Especially if they stopped by today. My husband is working in the attic, and his air compressor kicks on every so often. Plus, the dog is always around. Zero stars.

[Bertha Venation]

2. I think we'd get at least four stars

Two varieties of kibble, available 24/7

Daily "snack-size" feeding of canned food

Three tall cat trees, space atop the kitchen cabinets, and one really high place above the coat closet -- not all of them can manage the jump

A basement filled with boxes, big covered-up things, stuff leaning against walls -- lots of hidey-holes

The staff lives to serve cats. We know our place

No dogs

No children

Awesome window views, including bird feeders seen through the sliding glass door to the deck

Unrestricted nappage

And unrestrained affection whenever they want it.

[sakabatou]

3. My home would probably make it.

[Alexander]

4. When feline alien overlords enslave our world, you'd better hope they tolerate your presence.

[applegrove]

5. No exit to the outside world unless you run for it...LOL!

[IcyPeas]

6. what? none of you have cat massages...

I am 5 star - I have everything including daily massages! and treats and corn on the cob..... livin' the dream.

[mikeytherat]

7. Five Stars, here.

Lots of food

Tons of high perches and alleyways (behind bookcases, etc.)

Lots of hiding places

VERY attentive staff

No dogs

No Kids

Typical window view:

(Four-story house with full cat access)

Amount of nap time, typical scene:


Our vets call our house Cat Shangri-La.

mikey_the_rat

[SoDesuKa]

14. Picture Says a Thousand Words

The first picture shows a cat annoyed at having to pose for the cameras after he explicitly informed his agent that he would not be accepting any gigs which required that. "I am badly served," he says. "Can't a fellow get some shut-eye around here?"

The second picture shows three cats who are waiting for the interruption to pass so they can get back to snoozing. Orange Tabby's ears are rotated back so he can hear what's going on, but it's too much effort to turn his head. Tortoise Shell's eyes are barely open and her ears are attentive, but that's all yer gonna get, fella. The black one in the corner is taking his cues from the other two.

I can definitely see that these animals are enjoying life with you. Cat Shangri-La, indeed!

[Pool Hall Ace]

18. The bed looks like it's smiling!

Did the kitties pose like that intentionally? :D

[Curmudgeoness]

23. Whoa, you win. Guess I have to revise mine to a 1 star now.

Actually, the food sucks lately since the kidney disease diet started and the cats are starving themselves. Not a good rating on the food these days.

[kedrys]

8. Mine have had a standing complaint for years

Picket lines in the kitchen at 6:02 pm with little kitty signs that read "The service continues to suck." because dinner is supposed to be served at 6 pm sharp. :P

Food: they get pretty much the best. Kibble on tap, and wet food 4 times a day.

High perches: we got those, although it was unnerving the first time I saw Plato (18 lbs) go for the top of the curio cabinet, which is a 4-ft jump from the regular perch. :D

Hiding places: tons, although how am I supposed to find a black cat (Evie) in all this stuff in the first place?

Attentive staff: the s.o. is not working, so yes.

No dogs.

No children - well, not human ones anyway.

Window view: our building is 4 apartments, one per floor, we're on the top floor, and we have big windows on three sides, and trees on 2.

Amount of nap time: phenomenal.

I'd like to think my place would rate pretty fargin' high, in spite of the fact that there are 5 of the lovely beasts here. :)

[hobbit709]

9. -10 Life threatening.

3 dogs willing to chase anything that moves.

[TZ]

10. LOL- part of the reason I bought my place

was the ceiling to floor kitchen window..which is perfect kitty viewing..So I think my place rates a 4.5 stars (not 5 because they used to have a very tall cat tree that has been temporarily disassembled for repairs).

[triguy46]

11. No DOGS!!!!!

Good food, but why do they serve it outside?

[BlueIris]

12. Cat heaven, is how they'd rate it.

Minor point or two off for snotty, unfriendly dog, but otherwise, it's feline paradise. Outside: beautiful, mature playground landscaping filled with wild beasties, (read: available snacks) and fresh air. Inside: Gourmet food 24-7, a thousand fun hiding places, and four human servants who are fun to annoy.

[Demoiselle]

13. They'd complain that the staff (me) is a bit lazy.

Meals arrive on time (two sittings, wet at 6 PM and dry as a bedtime snack) and there is plenty of window space, nap space and nap time.
However, staff is not as devoted to changing the dirt boxes (all six of them, on three floors) as they'd like. Staff exhibits a certain amount of disgruntled attitude from time to time, as in, "aw, jeez, do you people really have to crap so much?!!!" Sulking staff is, of course, not all that desirable.
Six inside cats, six dirtboxes. Three cat fountains with running filtered water.

The outdoor cat (still feral except she'll let me pet her when I feed her) has no complaints, I should bloody well hope. She gets a heated cat box (two, actually) -- solid purpose-built kitty shelters with windows and front and rear doors and windows and a front porch to keep the wind out, plus an outdoor-safe heated kennel pad that just fits the box. I suspend a second heated kennel pad from the ceiling of the box for mid-winter warmth. PLUS the whole world is her dirtbox. And her oyster.

[SoDesuKa]

15. Cat Characteristics

Wow! Being called lazy by a cat, has got to be the worst pot calling the kettle black insult yet. Cats are even lazier than dogs, and dogs are plenty lazy. Laziness isn't simply a cat characteristic; they see it as a life's mission, a calling from God.

What is the last thing the mother cat says to her offspring as she dispatches them into the wide world? "Be sure to get enough sleep."

Why don't they have bomb-sniffing cats?
The cat will sniff the bomb all right, then think, "Good thing I'm not getting on that plane."

[Demoiselle]

16. So true and very funny!

[LibertyLover]

17. Is negative 5 stars an option?

I don't just have dogs, I have a greyhound, a whippet and a Siberian Husky. The greyhound has a high prey drive and has already chased cats off her property. The whippet is a bit more laid back, but he doesn't like cats either and will bark and growl whenever he sees the neighborhood outdoor cat. As for the Siberian Husky, well, they are known to not like cats and have a reputation for being cat killers. Mine has never killed a cat, but they are one of the few things that will get him to bark. Also, I have an 8 year old, so not only are there no children, but there is definitely no attentive staff. Oh well, I'll contrive to contain my disappointment at not being listed.

[av8rdave]

19. I would get 5 stars on everything except the dog issue

Although a cat with any brains at all would quickly realized they would have total control over those dogs, so maybe I would still do OK overall.

[bookworm65t]

20. Also low amount of noise

they have to be able to hear the can opener!

:-)

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

21. My cats could hear a can opener next to a jet engine at TOGA power.

They could hear the soft crinkling of the little foil bag of cat treats over the roar of a freight train at top speed.

They can hear me thinking about making a ham sandwich.

[astral]

22. I got all that --

plus an occasional raw fish or cooked shrimp entree.

I think another important preference would be: plenty of clean, fresh-daily water.

[Orsino]

24. Inadequate.

"Spacious, but filled with too many other goddamned cats."

[hunter]

25. The outer ring of the seventh circle of hell.

Outside mocking birds and blue jays that attack while hungry coyotes wait for you to fall into the scrub.

Inside dogs and frequent incursions by aggressive toddlers carrying sticks....

But worse then that:

A screaming, flying, beaked demon that speaks cat fluently and dominates all other pet beings, furred or feathered. When this demon stands on the edge of your food dish all you can do is back down and wait patiently. She doesn't want to eat your food, she just wants to intimidate you.

Rating: Hide under the bed, don't come out.

(We like cats too much to have them as guests.)

[Arugula Latte]

26. Mine is like the Four Seasons for my three kitties.

No dumb dogs slobbering or yapping (perish the thought!), plenty of window views (the living room is elevated and it looks like you're in the trees), plenty of squirrels outside, lots of cushy places to sleep, plentiful food with lots of donations from hooman food (grilled chicken, etc.), hamsters, fish and a bunny to observe, and four staff members serving them faithfully 24/7.