Why do people play favourites?

[Darth_Kitten]

In families in particular.

I STILL see this laughable trend in my Dad's side of the family. It's like it's something proudly passed down through the generations. Each person always has to have SOME favourite, someone they like BETTER, and don't they let you know it? Weird.

Take my stepbrother, he "friends" my sister and a few of my nieces/nephews, and she hasn't had anything to do with him for YEARS. They probably don't even know him, I don't remember them seeing him that often.
A few years back, he just dropped any form of communication with my Dad and Mom, who were always very good to him. I'm close to my parents (I'm the one who lives close and is always in regular contact, etc)


I really don't care for contact with people like him, I just think it's rather weird at his age he's still playing the same game.

[raccoon]

1. I wish I knew the answer. I've noticed that in many families, when a child is born,

s/he becomes the "golden child" automatically, and maybe another child, again at birth, is designated the "throwaway child."

Go figure. :shrug:

[Darth_Kitten]

2. Well, he's my stepbrother....

Our family has always been inclusive of him and his sister, but my Dad's family always have played these favourite games. It was always so weird to watch.

I could play it his way and just think, well, my sister and nieces/nephews are MY flesh and blood, NOT his, but I won't. He won't even communicate with his own father.

I don't know...I don't like people playing games with family, MY family. :(

[Rabrrrrrr]

3. I'd answer you, but you're not on my buddy list. :-)

:P

So much dysfunction going on in that circle you described. Best to just stay away from it. Stay in touch with the folks you like, and stay away from the ones you don't. No need to get caught up into their undifferentiated drama.

Some people - maybe even most people - never achieve differentiation, and therein lies an awful lot of relational problems that affect families, friends, and even workplaces, churches (and other voluntary assemblies of people), and communities.

[Darth_Kitten]

4. hehehe......

It's maybe because I'm so sick of this crap that I don't want to see it anymore.
It's like, ENOUGH already. Grow up. :)

Thanks.

[stray cat]

5. DUers prefer other DUers that agree with them to moderates or GOPers

[grasswire]

6. read something about "family systems" theory

That might help.

[noamnety]

7. From your post it sounds like you have people you favor in your family, too

for instance you favor your parents over him. There are a thousand reasons why various people click with some people but not others.

[Darth_Kitten]

8. Why wouldn't I love my parents more than a stepbrother who doesn't bother with the family?

:shrug:

That's not favourtism, that's just reality.

Do you love some far-distant relative more than your immediate family? Is that favouritism? :shrug:

[noamnety]

9. It's fine that you love your parents more.

I'm not saying that's bad.

I'm just pointing out that you also have favorites, you have reasons for having those favorites (closeness, past experiences with them, etc.). That's normal.

[Darth_Kitten]

10. Fine.

:)

[DainBramaged]

11. Or like among the DU family?

[seabeyond]

12. hubby's family does the heirarchy thing. 5 kids.... my boys and i laugh

how it still so strongly exists and all the kids forty and above. they tried to do it with all the grandkids. since we had babies at same time, was stupid. a week here, 3 months there, and we are really suppose to honor a heirarchy....

i treat kids different, because they are. but none are more or less special. both uniquely loved.....