Okay, here are the new rules about marriage.

[efhmc]

In order to preserve its sanctity, if one has been previously married (i.e.is divorced), dated (euphemism for "had sex with") more than 2 people before marrying for the first time (And one must be the person you are marrying. We left a little wiggle room for youthful romps.), lusted after someone in your heart while being married (sorry, Mr. Carter), then you have failed the sanctity of marriage test and will never be given a marriage license and/or your present license will be rendered null and void. You can, of course, still serve in all the branches of government and make rules about others and about their rights and privileges in this area.

[GOPisEvil]

1. Darnit...guess I'll never have that dream wedding!

At least I can keep my government job. :hi:

[efhmc]

3. What, I never figured you for a "luster" or are there other skeltons you

want to reveal; wives in foreign countries, illicit affairs with some of those celebs that have been in Austin lately leading, illegal conga lines? Please tell all.

[GOPisEvil]

4. I have "dated" more than twice, and I've never been married.

I missed the illegal conga line; it sounded fun, until the police showed up.

[efhmc]

6. Well, I am not sure whether to congratulate or chastise you. You do

realize that a white wedding is out. Edited to add: if you are allowed to break the rules and marry after all.

[GOPisEvil]

7. No problem.

I'll wear a black tuxedo. :-)

I practice safe sex, if that makes things better. O8)

[efhmc]

8. Well, I don't know. I have a strong feeling that you don't understand what

sanctity really means, safe or not.

[GOPisEvil]

9. Yes, well...

...I have a clue as to what sanctimonious means. This is why I don't watch The 700 Club. :silly:

[efhmc]

10. Okay, well that was a trifle amusing. You can have points for a good

spirit. Kidding aside, I have noticed that the people I know who scream about family values the most are the biggest repuke hypocrites. Too bad, they don't really believe in the sanctity of anything but a dollar bill.

[GOPisEvil]

11. On that you are 100% correct.

:-)

[ScreamingMeemie]

32. Yeah...sad, he should have never admitted to it.

;)

[liberalhistorian]

14. Oh, for shame, David,

what an amoral, immoral, sinner you are!!!!!!!!! Now go lash yourself 100 times with a wet noodle and sit in sackcloth and ashes for three days!

Sheesh, ya think ya know someone and here they go confessing to something like this! Who'da thunk it, especially where David's concerned (no, wait, don't answer that!)

[GOPisEvil]

16. Shall I wear a shirt with a big "S" on it?

And we ain't talkin' the Superman "S", either.

[liberalhistorian]

20. LOL!

Hey, if women had to go around wearing letter A's branded on them, then why shouldn't errant, straying gentlemen have the letter S stamped on their t-shirts?????

[GOPisEvil]

21. Hey now...I don't stray!

I'm loyal to the woman I am with at any particular time. O8)

[efhmc]

25. That angel is starting to bug me. Are we suppose to be buying that

"sugar won't melt in my mouth" routine?

[GOPisEvil]

27. I'm a good boy! Honest.

Promise.

[efhmc]

29. As I used to tell the young women I raised. Let's see if your idea and

mine of what is good is the same. I do not think so. Good for whom exactly?

[GOPisEvil]

45. Good for everyone, I hope.

Except Republicans, I suppose. :-)

Mom and Dad did a good job with me. They deserve some serious thanks.

[efhmc]

50. You're right. You seem like a very moral, kind person to me. Kudos

to them. I like teasing you though.

[GOPisEvil]

52. I am good teasing victim!

You are a good, just and moral person yourself. You raised some fine children, too. Smart, they are! :-)

[efhmc]

55. Lovely words. Now that is a hard job. Just ask Babs Bush? Tee-hee.

[efhmc]

23. Well, what does it stand for?

[GOPisEvil]

26. "Sex before marriage"?

Sounds good. :-)

[efhmc]

28. You always help me with the things I don't know. I failed that one.

[Racenut20]

2. Does don't ask don't tell apply here?

[efhmc]

5. As the sole judge and jury, I will have to say no. WE WILL ask and then

we WILL TELL.

[put out]

12. Tell first, before you ask.

Confession is good for the soul. And we can hardly wait (slobbers and rubs hands together).

Ahem, and by the way, is there some sort of grandmother clause for all the new rules?

[efhmc]

13. No, as a grandmother I say no. I passed them all (well maybe some

semi-cravings. (My husband who is deceased was very jealous and so I have a hard time even writing that. He had been dead 8 years but I still am hearing a small roar over that revelation. Okay way too much personal info. Back to the subject at hand.) so you must also.

[put out]

19. I cannot, for my fingers would be worn to bloody stumps.

I will leave it to the other sinners (and I am still waiting).

To you, efhmc, I'm sorry for that loss, and didn't mean to be flip (well, maybe a little, but not at your expense).

Semi-cravings? Hm-m-m.

[efhmc]

22. No, reason to be sad. I really miss him but he would find all this amusing

and as Houston people we already knew and hated the bushes probably before some of the babies here were born. Obviously, I wanted to poke fun at all those RWers who are such hypocrites about marriage and the "family". As I've already alluded to, I knew countless of them white males) that dumped the first wife and children after they made some bucks to get a new model. They were all such church goers and fit all the weirdness and hypocrcy that is going on now. So lets laugh at them and their insane ideas of marriage.

[Rabrrrrrr]

15. I think only married people should be able to get a license

If you disrespect the institution of marriage so much that you aren't already married then there's no reason to trust you with the right to be married.

[efhmc]

17. Excellent reasoning and we will add that bit of wisdom to the list of the

sanctity requirements. Thank you.

[Rabrrrrrr]

18. I'm glad you see the truth of the logic in it

and you are welcome

[efhmc]

24. Of course I do, wisdom always shines.

[put out]

30. Well, we need some Windex here, for I have some proposals.

Since my marriage has been a paragon of virtue and perfect love, and I myself have been without fault and beyond reproach in every aspect of my married life, and before that, and in fact, since I was born, I have some ideas.

No, I don't.

My edit: Those clueless, uptight, controlling, unkind, unaccepting, jerks who wish so desperatly to circumscribe every intimate decision consenting adults make, well, they don't have any good ideas either. Only the ideas that hurt other people. Jerks.

[efhmc]

31. Drat, I was agog with anticipation at the thought of such pearls of

knowledge being shared with me and others. Oh, well, c'est la vie. (OMG, please do not tell the bushies I wrote a French phrase.)

[put out]

35. I will tell, because you didn't have the patriotism to misspell it.

See my post, good old American misspelling.

I can't even use smilies, that's just how American I am.

Like this thread, by the way. Thank you, or as you non-Americans like to say "mercy bowcue".

[efhmc]

37. You are most certainly the most American of us all and I am very

honored and proud to know you. (I am curtsying. Oh no, another very unAmerican thing to do, unless, of course, one comes upon a member of the royal bush dynasty.)

[ScreamingMeemie]

33. So, who gets my kids then? The one of us who "dated" least?? Or

do I surrender them upon my entrance into the marines...?

MrsGrumpy a marine....oh my...giggle, gasp...snort...



and no, I'm not telling which one of us had more "dates"...

[Rabrrrrrr]

34. Your children will be sent to a moral retraining camp

and will be paired up with a mate selected by the government based on properly moral algorithms so they might lead a fruitful and decent, non-democratic, life.

[efhmc]

36. Good answer but where is your government approved non-sanctified

marriage disassembling license?

[ScreamingMeemie]

38. Oh man is MrG going to be shocked when he wakes up and finds

himself disassembled. I should have known better. No room for forgiveness? It was a very lonely time in my life....

[efhmc]

40. Sorry, I do not make the rules. I am just here to enforce the SANCTITY of

marriage.

[put out]

48. You might want to use a tarp for the disassembling.

And you could also think about turning the stereo up to 11.

Thus, you may be able to keep your marriage sanctified.

[efhmc]

51. I like the way you think. You are a natural with this.

[radwriter0555]

39. Well DAMMIT all to hell! That just SUCKS.

Thanks a LOT.

[efhmc]

41. Cursing will definitely not get you on the SANCTITY list. of any kind.

I am sorry for any inconvenience but we must preserve the SANCTITY of MARRIAGE or we are doomed as a nation. Edited to add: and as a society.

[Triple H]

42. This sucks.

I guess I'll be loving my nuts more then. :cry: :)

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x955404

[efhmc]

44. You should have thought about this before you became unfit to follow

in the footsteps of those strong believers in marriage like those individuals in our government making these much needed laws in our behalf.

[Triple H]

47. Damn those laws!

[ScreamingMeemie]

46. I don't think there is anything in the rules about nut lovers...

hmmm...;)

[BiggJawn]

43. Screws me all to hell...

Married and divorced twice and been with at least 45 women...

I'm not sure about guys and livestock, I used to drink a lot and some years are a bit fuzzy....

[efhmc]

49. Well you know perhaps there is a place for you in helping to make

rules and laws for others. You can become a hypocritical repuke and make laws telling others what is right and wrong for them as individuals. Doesn't that sound like fun? (Every DUers' dream.)

[SarahB]

53. Well I would have qualified initially

Oh shoot, no I wouldn't. It included the one I married. Missed that. Do you promise though that it renders it null and void now? Wow, that makes life much simpler.

[efhmc]

54. Well, we all qualified initially, but we might need to go back a spell.

Yep, no sanctity, no marriage. You might want to think about separate home because once that sanctity amendment passes, you will be a goner.

[put out]

56. Roomies, anyone? I have a microwave and my own futon. n/t