schoolkids Creation Science Fair--gotta see this

[ima_sinnic]

http://objective.jesussave.us/creationsciencefair.html

Fellowship Baptist Creation Science Fair 2001

". . . Our children are the future face of Science and we must teach them to recognize the truth of the Word of the Lord so as to break the cycle of Evolutionism dogma that is paralyzing scientific development and making higher education a dumping ground for the excesses of materialistic philosophies. To that end, the Fellowship Baptist Creation Science Fair was started. . . ."

Middle School 1st place: "Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"
Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.

2nd Place: "Women Were Designed For Homemaking"
Jonathan Goode (grade 7) applied findings from many fields of science to support his conclusion that God designed women for homemaking: physics shows that women have a lower center of gravity than men, making them more suited to carrying groceries and laundry baskets; biology shows that women were designed to carry un-born babies in their wombs and to feed born babies milk, making them the natural choice for child rearing; social sciences show that the wages for women workers are lower than for normal workers, meaning that they are unable to work as well and thus earn equal pay; and exegetics shows that God created Eve as a companion for Adam, not as a co-worker.

Honorable Mention:
"Mousetrap Reduced To Pile Of Functionless Parts" - Kevin Parker (grade 7)
"Dinosaur & Man Walked Together" - Donny Findlay (grade 6)
"Rocks Can't Evolve, Where Did They Come From Mr. Darwin?" - Anna Reed (grade 6)

Listed under High School Honorable Mention: "Thermodynamics Of Hell Fire" - Tom Williamson (grade 12)

un-be-LEE-vable!!
couldn't have created a better satire if I'd tried. a new generation of morons emerges.

[teach1st]

1. I'm convinced!

"Life Doesn't Come From Non-Life"
Patricia Lewis (grade 8) did an experiment to see if life can evolve from non-life. Patricia placed all the non-living ingredients of life - carbon (a charcoal briquet), purified water, and assorted minerals (a multi-vitamin) - into a sealed glass jar. The jar was left undisturbed, being exposed only to sunlight, for three weeks. (Patricia also prayed to God not to do anything miraculous during the course of the experiment, so as not to disqualify the findings.) No life evolved. This shows that life cannot come from non-life through natural processes.

Well, that about proves it. I'm satisfied. Three weeks should be long enough for anybody. And the multi-vitamin touch...exquisite!

Semi-cientifically speaking, though, wouldn't the prayer invalidate the whole shebang?

[bonemachine]

2. I'm pretty certain that site is a parody...

Though some of the other sites it links are not.

[ima_sinnic]

3. it is being discussed on an eBay discussion board

at http://forums.ebay.com/db1/thread.jsp?forum=122&thread=410080816&modifed=20040330235225

there is some opinion that it is satire but nobody's really sure

[uhhuh]

6. Has to be satire

I can find no evidence of a Fellowship University.(I'm sure the attendees would call it F.U.) Also, check out the link to the band, zounds! It's the only place this "band" is mentioned, even though they have two albums out.
The song list is hilarious!

Also, check this:

http://www.geocities.com/hands_off_lb/

A small exerpt from a devotee of this "church".

I started mission training yesterday after church. We have to train with someone experienced for a month before we are allowed to go out on our own. I was paired with Andy Miller, Pastor Miller's son, cause he knows alot about door2door witnessing and Mrs. Miller thought we'd get along. But we didn't actually go witnessing today, instead me and the other trainees had an orientation class where we learned the basics of door2door witnessing.. and man is it alot more complicated then i thoughht it'd be! there's lots of things we have to know.. like memorizing opening lines and methods of dealing with common false arguments that atheists and other ignorant people might bring up. They gave us a bunch of worksheets to study (and i still have to write that paper on the Theory of Natural Theology and the Neo-Kantian Synthesis for Theobiology 101!! Sean.. please email me your notes!!)

One thing i don't have to study, cause they stressed it so much, is that under no circumstances are trainees to perform baptisms (they said it might cause "ebaptization" and put the people at risk of going to hell) and if someone asks us to be baptised we are supposed to contact HQ on our cell phone to have the baptism van sent. They were very clear on this cause apparently some years ago a trainee witness tried to baptize a bunch of people and messed up and like half of them ended up becoming Mormons or something.. i'm not sure exactly how that happend, they didn't go into details. Even experienced door2door witnesses like Andy are only supposed to baptise people if its a dire emergency, like if someones dying and there's no pastor around or if the Rapture Trumpets are sounding (although Andy's training to be a pastor like his dad, so he says he already knows how to do them right.)

[drhilarius]

5. It's satire

1. Pretty sure the landover baptist people are responsible (http://www.landoverbaptist.org)

2. The guy who's a Christian Game Theorist, that's pure irony.

[xchrom]

4. even if it's not satire

i laughed my ass off.
if it's not satire --- i may never leave my house again.