Trick question on last names for you smarty DUers

[nadine_mn]

I have a question on what exactly "maiden name" means - is it the last name on your birth certificate or your last name before you got married?


When I was born my last name was "Jones" - my dad's last name. My mom and he divorced (and remarried and divorced all before I was 5) because he was an abusive asshole. His parents disowned me because I had my mom's blood in me (their words) which was fine because I don't think I ever met them. My mom has been remarried several times since and has been divorced and has had a myriad of hyphenated last names. None of my step-dads ever adopted me.

I was raised mainly by my mom's parents who loved me like a second daughter and my mom's 5 brothers are more like brothers to me than uncles. I grew up in a small town and graduated from the same high school as my mom, my uncles and my grandmother. You can imagine in a small town, everyone knows my mom's family.

So when I was 19 I legally changed my name to my mom's maiden name "Smith" because I felt very strongly that I was a "Smith" not a "Jones". I paid $140 for my name and love it. My diplomas from college and law school have that name. When I saw my dad years later at my law school graduation and he saw that my name was "Smith" not "Jones" he stormed out and I haven't seen him since (which again - not a huge loss).

When I married, I kept my name - my husband understands completely (even though his folks don't) and it has never been an issue.


So recently I was logging into one of those classmate sites and they asked for your last name and/or maiden name. For post highschool its not an issue because I have had the same name. But for my highschool - I graduated with "Jones" last name.

Is that considered my maiden name? But I didn't marry into my "Smith" name - I have just as much claim my mom's last name as my dad's.

It was a small highschool and only 2 Nadines in our class so its not confusing.

I am just wondering about that whole maiden thing.


not a big worry compared to other important issues... but its been bugging me

[gratuitous]

1. Are you one of those women's libbers or something?

I suppose for the high school reunion site, you should put the name that folks are likely to remember you by and your current name. Otherwise, call whatever you want your maiden name. Besides, it makes for a fairly interesting story.

[Kali]

2. I would say put whatever you want

in your case everybody knows you so no biggie - in a larger school it is used for identifying married people who changed their names so it has a practical function - that is all (I would think)

I changed my name despite thinking the whole process was kind of stupid, but I wanted to differ from family at the time like you (maybe not quite so severe)

I mean just the word "maiden" is so patriarchal, ancient, and gross! Sometimes I wonder WTF? - I got married, took his name, AND had kids - NEVER thought I would do ANY of that! Life is weird.

[LaurenG]

3. Your maiden name is the one you're born with

So it doesn't matter what your dad says, your maiden name is "Jones"

[Gormy Cuss]

4. A maiden name is a woman's legal name before the first time she changes it at marriage.

So in your case, your maiden name is Smith. However, since the point of joining one of those classmate sites is that people can find you and that when you find them they'll recognize you, I'd use Jones for that circumstance.

I had a male classmate who legally changed his name to his stepfather's surname as a senior in HS. I'm betting that he would list both names on classmate websites because most of us who knew him in high school remember him more as Jack Smith than as Jack Jones.

[Duer 157099]

5. I don't know about that, but you're throwing a fun wrench into

any geneological search your descendents/relatives might do! LOL

I've found so many anomolies in my own family ancestry search that I often have those kinds of questions about who really was who and who married who and were they related? etc

Makes it interesting for sure :D

[Brickbat]

6. It's the name you used before you started having sex.

[lillypaddle]

7. I paid for my name, too

I was named after my aunt (first name) and my grandmother (middle name). So about 1973, during my "up against the wall mother fucker" days, I dropped my Dad's name (maiden) and my husband's name and turned my middle name into my last name. Got that? :)

[Pacifist Patriot]

8. I don't know if there is a technical legal answer to this, but....

I have this come up with brides when I am preparing their keepsake marriage certificate. I go by the standard "maiden name is the surname on your birth certificate" when I define maiden name. Keeps it simple that way.