Have you had enough snow?

[amerikat]

I didn't write this but made me laugh.

August 15

- Moved to a new home in Jersey. It's so beautiful here

The lake to the north looks so majestic.

I can hardly wait to see it snow covered.
I'm going to love it here.

October 14
I Jersey is definitely the most beautiful place on earth.

The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange.

Went for a ride through the park and saw some deer. They are so
graceful. Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth.

This must be paradise, I LOVE IT HERE.

November 10
Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill
such a gorgeous animal, hope it will snow soon. I love it here.

Those red and orange leaves have covered my yard. Looks like a
magnificent multi-colored carpet. HOW BEAUTIFUL. Raking and cleaning
up the yard will be an opportunity for invigorating exercise in the
cool crisp air.

November 15 -
Ah, more leaves and more exercise.


November 18 -
Jesus, still more leaves. Guess it's best to wait until they’ve all
fallen before I rake again.


November 25 -
Finally, all of the trees lost their leaves and today’s final raking
it's over for this season.
Chiropractor suggested I use a lawn maintenance service next year.

Only four blisters became infected. Should probably remember to use gloves.


November 30 -
What the f--k? Where did all of those leaves come from?

A little wind last night and the lawn is covered again.
Oh well, they'll just have to wait until spring.


December 12 -
It snowed last night, FINALLY. Woke up to find everything blanketed
in white. It looks like a postcard.
We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the
driveway. Had a snowball fight (I won) and when the snowplow came by
and we had to shovel the end of the driveway again.
What a beautiful place. I Love Jersey!


December 14 -
More snow last night, I love it. The snowplow did his trick to the
driveway again.
I Love it here.


December 19 -
More snow again last night. Can't get out of the driveway to get to work.

I'm exhausted from shoveling. F---ing snowplow.

December 22 -
More of that white sh-t fell again last night. As if dealing with
the leaves weren't bad enough, now I've got blisters all over my hands
from shoveling, must remember to wear gloves. I think the snowplow
hides around the corner and waits until I'm finished shoveling the
driveway. The a--hole.


December 25 -
Merry Christmas.
More frigging snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch
who drives the snowplow.

I swear I'll kill the bastard. Don't know why they don't use more
salt on the roads to melt the f---ing ice.


December 27 -
More white sh-t last night. Have been inside for three days except
for shoveling out the driveway after that plow goes through every
time.


F---ing gloves got wet and then froze on my hands. Doctor said it
was just a mild case of frostbite, disfiguration is probably only
temporary. Can't go anywhere, car is stuck in a mountain of white
sh-t. The weatherman says to expect another 10 inches of the sh-t
tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10 inches is?

December 28 -
The f---ing weatherman was wrong. We got 34 inches of that white
sh-t. At this rate it won't melt 'till summer. The plow got stuck up
the road and the bastard came to the door and asked to borrow a
shovel. After I told him I'd already broken six of them shoveling all
the sh-t he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one on his
f---ing head.

January 4 -
Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food
and on the way back I hit a damned deer that ran in front of my car.
Did about $3000 damage F---ing beast should be killed. Wish the
hunters had killed them all last November.

May 3 -
Took the car to the garage in town. The thing is rusting out from
all the f---ing salt they put all over the roads.

May 10 -
Moved to The Villages in Florida .
I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in
that God-forsaken state of New Jersey

[amerikat]

1. kick for the late night crowd.