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Edited on Thu Jan-27-11 10:22 PM by comsymp
Obviously, I don't know Hubby or his feelings on the matter. He may well have never wanted to be a father and this isn't impacting him at all. ORRRR, maybe he's actually being *very* supportive. Being a fellow Penised-American (from your profile), you may know what I mean.
I'd submit this POSSIBILITY:
Generality 1) A little pseudo-anthropology here: we testosterone-based life forms have a hard-wired instinct / Prime Directive to Protect and Make It Better. Generality 2) We don't always share our feelings in a way that's clear to our loved ones. Generality 3) We don't always share our deeper feelings with ourselves - we tend to sublimate 'em.
One Result (and of course YMMV): We try to soften the blow by downplaying *the cause of* our loved one's hurt - "it's not a big deal, really didn't want xxxx anyway" and play UP the positive side of the issue: "now we can xxxxxxx, which we couldn't have if yyyyyyyyy"
SO, WILMYWOOD - Are you sure that isn't what Hubby is doing? You don't have to respond here - but you should at least consider that possibility. And, of course, the even greater possibility that I'm FOS.
Also, I'm not sure it's such a good thing that you've decided to "just stop talking to him about..." Assuming you two love, trust and respect each other, maybe keeping your feelings (especially about something so important) to yourself is doing him - and your relationship - a disservice.
FWIW, I think I have a pretty good understanding of what you're feeling. I've always wanted kids - more than anything, and for as long as I can remember. Unfortunately, as a GM, for most of my life that wasn't an option. Things changed a couple years ago and we (my SO & I) found ourselves in a position to start the ball rolling. Wellll, shit happens and now we've had to accept that it's off the table (partly due to our age at this point, other stuff). I was in a deep, DEEEP funk for several months, got kinda over it, hit another bad month and just found out that a good friend had a baby a couple days ago, and another good friend's daughter just told her today that she's pregnant w/a miracle baby. Lucky me, my friend had to tell somebody and I was the lucky recipient!
It sux but most of the time it's bearable; hell, sometimes I don't even think about it for days at a time. It will eventually be mostly OK for you and your Hubby as long as you can count on each other.
But regardless of my blathering, RT Atlanta, Bunny and my old friend rbnyc (whom I haven't run into online in years!) all have good advice re: talking about it, whether counseling, friends or a support group of some kind.
Your neighbor in Fayetteville (and former Wilmingtonian, myself) -
*edited for CTFS
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