help me make a decision... news from my best friend came in

[La Lioness Priyanka]

Poll question: help me make a decision... news from my best friend came in

she's on a ventilator, her liver and kidneys have collapsed. the doctors have said its time for family members to arrive.

what should i do? i really can't decide

[datasuspect]

1. if it was my best friend

i'd cancel everything and go be with them.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

2. is your best friend in bombay?

[datasuspect]

3. you didn't mention that in the post

and i don't come around here too much to keep tabs on every backstory.

but yes, if i had the funds, i'd head to bombay.

you don't just get a best friend every day.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. i just did that. its not possible to do it again

[datasuspect]

5. then pray for his or her immortal soul

if they have family/friends here in the US, try to comfort them.

but when stuff like this happens, its always better to be around people who love you.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. true.

[datasuspect]

8. and i've never noticed too much love around this place

i'll be thinking about you.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. thank you

[hunter]

7. I'm sorry.

:hug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

9. My dear Lioness...

If you could go, I'd say do that...

But you can't.

How horrible for you. My heart goes out to you both...

I would go even if I couldn't.

To hell with the rest of my life; I'd want to be there. I'd be physically ill if someone dear to me were dying and I couldn't be there...

Go.

:hug:

[redwitch]

10. Light a candle, say a prayer, send her your love from afar.

And surround yourself with loving friends here. She knows you love her and you would be with her if you could. I am glad you went when you did. :hug:

[struggle4progress]

12. Write a letter immediately. Include some fond memories. Make it something that

would be meaningful to her if she heard it, and that would be meaningful to her family/friends there otherwise. Send it to somebody you trust, with a cover note saying they can share it

[theNotoriousP.I.G.]

13. I'm so sorry Priyanka

You were with her just a short time ago, when she was still cognizant and could enjoy your love and friendship. Remember those days you spent together and send her your thoughts of love and peace.

[Kaleva]

14. You've done all you can. Think of all the good times you two had together.

[Flaxbee]

15. Go be with friends, and tell them you need some support

You have visited your best friend many times since her cancer came back, if I remember correctly. She knows you love her. You don't have to be in the same room (country...state...city...) for her to know that, and that you will miss her.

Go be with people who care about you, because it's hard being a survivor sometimes.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. ...

:hug: she is also sedated and wouldn't know i was there

[Chan790]

17. Coffee.

That might be the closet Taoist in me talking though. We can change little but to accept things the way they will be and go with the way of the universe. Ultimately, powerlessness and inevitability. :(

I agree that if it were possible, dropping everything and running to her would be best but it is not possible. Do what you need to do to make your peace, call if you can to say your goodbyes even if she's comatose and someone has to hold the phone on that end or take a minute to think about your friendship to yourself and what she means to you. Saying goodbye is as much for you as its' for the dying. Closure is about coming-to and being at peace with things as they are.

What will happen will happen; if she is to pass today then she will. If she's going to hang on to tomorrow, then tomorrow.

That really means your decision on what to do with the rest of today (after you take some closure time) comes down to two choices:

1.) Stay in, do nothing, dwell on this shitty thing, engage in the waiting and mourning time and grieve. (Note: I do consider this to be a valid choice. I grew up in a largely Jewish community and understand the value to some people of sitting shiva for the deceased and dying. It's just not the right choice for me.)

2.) Go out, distract yourself from the inevitable which is going to happen in due time regardless what you choose. Accept it when it comes. If you can spend time with others who knew and loved her, it can be a celebration of a life. It doesn't have to be though, it can just be a way to fill an afternoon not dwelling. If you need to be emotional in the middle of it, be fearlessly so. There is nothing wrong with feeling. Ever.

Ultimately, your choices are yours. People grieve and come to accept things in their own ways.

Edit: I forgot the most important part. I feel for you, this is not easy. I hope you are doing as well as possible through this day.

[MiddleFingerMom]

18. What he said.

.
.
.
Except my vote is for the coffee -- at this time YOU need friends around you, too.
.
.
.
Whether they're friends you can talk about this with or not -- you need to get out
of yourself, if only for a little bit. Time enough to grieve for her death AFTER it
actually happens.
.
.
.
I think you probably knew this was coming -- and knew that you wouldn't be able to
go back -- and made your farewell when you were there. Try to focus on that.
.
.
.

[GoCubsGo]

19. Add me to that list...

I can't add anything more than Chan or Middle Finger Mom have already said. Be with your friends.

[Swede]

20. Go have coffee with your friends.

It is a good time for you to be with them.

[Call Me Wesley]

21. Live your life.

I would think it's what she wants you to do. Be with her in your spirit.

A safe passage to your best friend. May she be free from suffering. Peace and comfort to you, Priyanka. :hug: