Anyone have anger and resentment they can't let go of

[Juche]

How do you integrate it into your life w/o letting it destroy you? I am tired of being resentful and hateful because of trauma in the past. I'm not resentful or hateful in general, just to a small group of people who I feel acted with malice.

Has anyone successfully forgiven themselves or others for trauma like that?

[nolabear]

1. Yes. I can't say much because I don't know you or your circumstances.

But yes, I've been pretty successful at it and have helped other people be successful as well. I'll say here and now that I'm a psychotherapist, just so you know I'm not unbiased. But one of the reasons I am one is that it helped me make some very bad things into simply parts of my life, that I use and learn from.

I wish you the best. It's been my experience that hate is as strong a bond as love, and letting go of that bond lets so many more things happen.

(Edited for typo)

[Juche]

2. What are the biggest barriers to moving on

Is it the inability to forgive yourself? Forgive others? See the event objectively? See other people are fallible/imperfect and see yourself the same way?

I think if I knew what was holding me back I could work through it. But I don't know what it is.

[MissDeeds]

3. I have some very toxic family members

who have caused me more pain than I could ever express. I truly believe that living well is the best revenge. They are small, hateful people. I choose to rise above them and excel in every way possible. It's a positive way of dealing with the pain.

[femmocrat]

4. I never forgive or forget.

I'm Slovak. We can take our grudges to the grave. I don't dwell on them, but I never trust that person again and do all I can to avoid him/her. I just go about my life and keep my guard up.

Thinking about it all the time will eat away at you. Don't do it. Best wishes.

[Curmudgeoness]

5. I have not let go of some issues, but they do not eat at me.

I resent that my father was an alcoholic. So I avoid relationships with anyone who has an alcohol problem. I did not let go of the anger, but I protect myself by taking the life lesson to heart.

I resent that my ex-SO cheated on me, several times. I still hold a lot of anger about this, but I just learned from it too. I will not allow anyone to put me in that situation again.

I do not think of these things often, but I have shaped my life around staying out of these same situations again. It is a part of me. I do not believe that I am allowing these issues to destroy me. These things were not my fault, it was the other person who was in the wrong. I will not take the responsibility for their actions and that keeps me grounded.

You say you are not resentful or hateful in general, so you really are not allowing this to destroy you. And you know, there are some people (like this small group of people you refer to) who you do not have to forgive. You just have to avoid them and people who are like them. Surround yourself with the good ones.

:hug:

[applegrove]

6. I have ptsd and at times have to vent. I didn't asked to be harrassed. I'll vent

when I need to and not worry that I hate. I came by it honestly.... I never purposely hurt a flea. Rather than have the anger bounce around inside me or direct it at people who don't deserve it...I vent at the people who expended incredible effort over a long period of time to hurt me, my family and my good friends.