Post a joke only a child would find amusing....

[WillParkinson]

If April showers bring May flowers what do Mayflowers bring?

Pilgrims!

[bif]

1. What would you do if you won the Lottery?

I'd buy a new butt because mine has a crack in it.

[applegrove]

21. As you drive by a cemetary "this is the dead centre of [insert city here]".

[Iggo]

2. Alligator gets cut in half.

Top half says, "I'm going to Africa. What are you going to do?"

Bottom half says, "Pffft!" ('cause that's how they talk).

[HopeHoops]

3. What's green and flies through the air?

SUPER PICKLE!

[ohiosmith]

4. How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Put a little boogie in it. :)

[rug]

5. Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Nobody.

Nobody who?

[Swede]

6. Do you know what?

Chicken butt.

[yankeepants]

7. What do you call a fly with no wings?

A Walk.


First joke I taught my niece 35 years ago

[PassingFair]

8. Knock Knock...Who's there...

I EAT MOP.


:rofl:












(Actually, I still think this one is funny.)

[petronius]

53. I'll be stealing that one too...

:rofl:

[sakabatou]

9. Knock knock.

Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting co-
MOO!

[petronius]

52. You lose - that made me laugh! (And I'm only a child mentally...)

:)

[Divameow77]

10. Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?

Because he was looking for Pooh.

My son told me that one when he was about 5

[nolabear]

11. What's black and hairy and lives in a tree and is very dangerous?

A monkey with a gun.

(My little sister's first made-up joke. She's now 47 and still thinks it's funny.)

[madmom]

12. What's the first letter in the word yellow?....

Y.
because I want to know
.
.
.
.
what do you do when your nose goes on strike?...
pick..it

[chrisa]

13. What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

[rug]

18. What do you call a cow with one leg?

Lean beef.

[IcyPeas]

14. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

snow flakes

[auntAgonist]

15. my 5 year old granddaughter told me this one ..

How do you fix a broken tuba?


















With a Tube ah glue.


(tube of glue)

[Ptah]

16. Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[Tuesday Afternoon]

17. what did the fish say when it swam into the wall?

dam.

:rofl:

[KamaAina]

19. When is a door not a door?

When it's a jar! (ajar)

[Bunny]

20. If you're American when you enter the bathroom, and American when you exit the bathroom,

what are you while you're in the bathroom?

European! (you're a peein')

[TrogL]

22. You should try teaching Grade 4

They're just at the age when they understand how a joke works in terms of delivery, just the punchline tends to be a bit off, usually on the surreal side.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because it was a chicken.
Because it was across.
Because it road there. (rowed??)
MOOO!!!! (punchline from a different joke, see above)

A Canadian folk singer (whose name I've temporarily forgotten) during a break at one of her concerts, told a shaggy dog story about life on tour in various cities, detailing adventures with faulty equipment, insane groupies, ending up on a wild ride through downtown Toronto where she spotted a chicken crossing the Spadina freeway. Raising her eyes to the heavens, she bellowed "for the love of God, whyyyyyyy?!?"

[TrogL]

27. Typical of their humour

Jonny went in to the bakers & asked for a loaf of bread.
Baker; "White or brown"
Jonny; "It doesn't matter, I'm on my bike."

..or IDGI :shrug:

[struggle4progress]

23. Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9
:rofl:

[Kali]

24. kind of related to this thread, I just got this in an e-mail:

How to get to Heaven from Scotland ...

I was testing children in my Glasgow Sunday
School class to see if they understood the
concept of getting into heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my
Car, had a big jumble sale and gave all my
Money to the church, would that get me
Into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed
The garden and kept everything tidy, would
That get me into heaven?"
Again, the answer was 'No!'

By now I was starting to smile.
"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and
Gave sweeties to all the children, and
Loved my husband, would that get me
Into heaven?"
Again, they all answered 'No!'

I was just bursting with pride for them.
I continued, "Then how can I get into heaven?"

A six year old boy shouted,


"Yuv goat tae be fukin' deid"


Kinda brings a wee tear tae yir e'e....

[auntAgonist]

31. Having been born and raised in Edinburgh ...

This made me laugh heartily !!

I love it.

Thank you.

aA

[krispos42]

45. *snort*

:rofl:

[krispos42]

46. oops, wrong spot n/t

[ornotna]

25. What do you get when you cross an elephant with peanut butter?

An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

[Glorfindel]

26. How do you stop an elephant from stampeding?

Cut his stampeder off.

[7wo7rees]

49. Why hunt elephant in Alabama?

Because the Tuscaloosa.

[Rambis]

28. Dr, sometimes I feel like a tepee and other times I feel like a wigwam

DR. "I know what your problem is your two tents"

[slay]

29. What is white and square?

A white square. :P

[Zephie]

30. Why did the orange stop at the top of the hill?

Because it ran out of juice! :D

[Xithras]

32. *Knock Knock*

*Who's there?*

Stop kidding around and open the stupid door!

[MorningGlow]

33. What's red, white, blue, and green?

A seasick Uncle Sam.

On my honor, my 7 YO came out with this joke JUST as I started reading this thread! :rofl:

[Fleshdancer]

34. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

Because it didn't have the guts! :D

[Forkboy]

35. Why did the elephant stand on the marshmallow?

So he wouldn't fall into the hot chocolate.

[warrior1]

36. what does a bunny fart smell like?

.




.




.





Carrots.

[Forkboy]

37. I'm not sure what it says about me, but I've been laughing my ass off through this whole thread.

:)

[WillParkinson]

38. I'll let you in on a secret...

I really wanted to read them for myself. I don't even know any kids.

[Forkboy]

40. LOL

:thumbsup:

[pacalo]

44. Hahaaa! If they're for YOU, let me post one of my favorite jokes.

As best as I can remember it, that is.

A cajun man wins the lottery.

He decides to build a mansion that must have the one thing he's wanted all his life: a halo statue.

So he tells his architect what he wants & the architect hires a talented sculpter to create it.  Weeks go by & the cajun checks on the progress.  The sculptor proudly  unveils a beautiful statue of a glistening gold-plated halo.

The cajun is shaking his head, clearly disappointed.  "Naw, that ain't right."

The sculptor said he'd make another one.  After a few weeks, the sculptor finished the fine statue: a beautiful angel with gorgeous wings & a halo on top of the angel's head.

"No, no, no," the cajun said, "I want one of those things that rings & I say, 'Hello, 'sdatchoo?'"

[Generic Brad]

39. What's green, has 4 legs & would kill you if it fell on you from a tree?

A pool table.

(Thank you "Two and a Half Men")

[hailhydra]

41. A man and wife are getting a divorce in Divorce Court...

The judge asks the man why he's divorcing his wife of 15 years.

"Well, your Honor, for the past 12 years my wife has thought she's a chicken. She walks around clucking and scratching the ground with her foot. It's very embarrassing."

The Judge says, "Well, sir, why have you waited 12 years to divorce her? That's a long time to put up with such behavior."

The man answers, "To be honest, we needed the eggs."

[JonLP24]

42. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?

A Roamin' Catholic.

[murielm99]

43. Why did the fly fly?

Because the spider spied her.

When my brother was about four, he told that joke to everyone he met, and then laughed hysterically. I was glad when he finally got over it.

[krispos42]

47. What's the last thing to go through a bug's mind when he hits a car's windshield?

His butt.



*rimshot*


Although I personally find this one pretty funny :D

[krispos42]

48. Why do they put fences around cemetaries?

Because people are DYING to get in!

[Odin2005]

50. My dad taught me that one!

[bluesbassman]

51. Kid walks into a bar...

Had a knot on his head for three days. :P

[Ohio Joe]

54. Come over here and pull my finger

:P

[retread]

55. 3 flies in the kitchen. Which one is a cowboy?

The one on the range!

[dixiegrrrrl]

56. What's green and yellow and goes 5,000 rpm?

.



.




.




.


.


Frog in a blender,


Have no idea why but that cracked me up for years.