I'm not really seeking medical advice, but how do I get a live lobster out of my ass?

[rug]

[LynneSin]

1. How about sitting on a pile of chum?

:rofl:

[rug]

2. I have close friends but not that close.

[Orrex]

56. It is to the eternal shame of Teh Lounge that your post wasn't recognized before this.

Well played, sir. Well played.

:patriot:

[LaurenG]

5. You mean the middle of he highway in Seattle?

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=439x1891763

[MiddleFingerMom]

3. Just open your thermi-door. n/t

[raccoon]

4. Got some needle nose pliers? nt

[rug]

6. Will I need a bib first?

[suninvited]

7. you could threaten to plunge your ass into a pot of boiling water

I think that would be effective.

[raccoon]

8. Ding, Ding, we have a winner! nt

[LynneSin]

9. And we have dinner

yuck!

[rug]

18. It's a crustacean. They ignore threats.

[mainegreen]

10. Butter

[lillypaddle]

11. Are you sure it isn't a crab?

:rofl:

[MicaelS]

12. Chum usually works best for me... n/t

[rug]

19. Usually?

:rofl:

[MicaelS]

36. All that damn mule says is "hee-haw" ...

No matter what I do. :bounce:

[eShirl]

13. Melted butter enema?

[rug]

20. Stop it! This is not a sex thread!

[ohiosmith]

14. Why would you want to?

:shrug:

[rug]

21. I appreciate the question but this is not a time for philosophy.

[ohiosmith]

28. I don't think that you have given due consideration to the advantages of your situation.

[rug]

32. Hmmm.

:dilemma:





Ok, no advantage at all.

[kayakjohnny]

15. Just reverse the procedure that led to it's disturbing appearance in this most unfortunate location.

Carefully of course.

[rug]

22. If I back into the lobster trap again, I don't think it will fall for it.

It appears quite comfortable.

[struggle4progress]

16. preventative medicine is an important part of any comprehensive health care package

[LynneSin]

17. So healthcare now is giving out free Butt Plugs?

That's the only way to keep a live lobster from crawling up your ass

[struggle4progress]

25. of course, medicine is an art as well as a science, since everyone is unique

And not being an MD, I should not pretend to speak authoritatively here

But health care dollars are limited, so one does not always want to spend much money on failsafe solutions to uncommon problems

[rug]

23. This wouldn't have happened if we had single payer.

Or, at least, I would not have to look for free advice from the Lounge.

Melted butter enema, indeed.

[LynneSin]

26. So you're saying it's all Obama's fault

figures

:hide:

[rug]

29. Well, I didn't have a live lobster stuck up my ass before he was elected.

:wtf:

[struggle4progress]

45. You should check out Ron Paul's proposal! LoungeCare® figures prominently in it

[Gidney N Cloyd]

24. Stupid lobster saw the butter sitting out and figured you just wanted to play "Last Tango in Paris"?

[rug]

27. It's shelly, not horny.

[LynneSin]

30. Someone was horny if they put a live lobster in their pants

Why else would they put one in there?

[rug]

33. Oh, you're sayimg I was asking for it?

Pig.

[LynneSin]

38. So you're saying you were just randomly hanging around doing absolutely nothing

And a live lobster crawled up your ass.

Really?

[rug]

39. Aas a matter of fact, I was bending down to feed a stray cat when I backed into a lobster trap.

Not wishing to startle the poor kitty, I ignored what was rapidly becoming an admixture of horror, humiliation and an unusual curiosity.

[krispos42]

31. The same way you put in in, I would guess?

Why did you put a live lobster in your donkey to begin with? What will you tell the ASPCA?

[rug]

34. Who told you about the donkey?

[krispos42]

37. The movie's been making the rounds.

The audience I had over last week had two suggestions. One was to use the tripod for the camera next time, and the other I can't post on DU.

[rug]

40. Shit.

[krispos42]

42. Oh, don't worry.

The audience was overall very complimentary of you.


Plus, sold a shitload of popcorn.

[nickgutierrez]

35. Relax. n/t

[Fire Walk With Me]

41. To beat a lobster, you have to think like a lobster.

[LynneSin]

43. Interesting since a lobster has an unorganized mass of nerves they call a brain

[Tuesday Afternoon]

44. tantric yoga

:shrug:

:D

:yoiks:

[texanwitch]

46. Call Billy, he just rescued a kitten trapped in a wall, I am sure he can help you.

There doesn't seem anything Billy can't do.

[rrneck]

47. whistle. nt

[dixiegrrrrl]

48. This thread is useless without pictures.

[rug]

49. You should see the lobster.

[kentauros]

50. Scold your ass about eating live lobsters, Jack

:P

[nolabear]

51. You're shittin' me, right?

That's what HE said.

:rofl:

Thanks. I needed a funny thread today.

[bluedigger]

52. You're on your own with that.

Just remember, anything over 5 inches, eye socket to end of carapace, you can keep. Under that, you should release. Your local regs may vary.:)

[dimbear]

53. Send in an octopus, bro. And watch more anime. n/t

[Lucian]

54. When you get the answer to that, I need to know how to get a Candiru out of my pee hole.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candiru

[Orrex]

57. You need to attack the problem as if it were one of those "Chinese" finger puzzles

Good luck to you.

[mockmonkey]

55. Ask Derek and Clive?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derek_and_Clive