Johnson & Johnson Introduces 'Nothing But Tears' Shampoo To Toughen Up Newborns

[Fire Walk With Me]

NEW BRUNSWICK, NJ—After decades of coddling young children, Johnson & Johnson unveiled its new "Nothing But Tears" shampoo this week, an aggressive bath-time product the company says will help to prepare meek and fragile newborns for the real world.

A radical departure for the health goods manufacturer, the new shampoo features an all-alcohol-based formula, has never once been approved by leading dermatologists, and is as gentle on a baby's skin as "having to grow up and fend for your goddamn self."

"We at Johnson & Johnson have been making bath time a safe and soothing experience for far too long," company CEO William C. Weldon said. "Years of pampering have left our newborns helpless, feeble, and ill-equipped for the arduous road ahead."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/johnson-johnson-introduces-nothing-but-tears-shamp,2506/?werqwe

[seabeyond]

1. that is funny. nt

[Ptah]

2. Gerber is following suit

[graywarrior]

3. Ever since I found out Koch Bros own J&J, I hate their ads

[rurallib]

4. Koch brothers own J&J? Really?

[graywarrior]

5. Oops, I may be wrong about that.

[graywarrior]

6. Maybe not J&J but check out this list

http://inspirationgreen.com/koch-brothers-products.html

[dimbear]

7. My mother groaned, my father wept, into the dangerous world I crept,

helpless, naked, but finally.............clean!

[Manifestor_of_Light]

8. Public discourse is all about humiliation, pain and greed.

Like all the competition shows where they humiliate people, whether it's Celebrity Apprentice, World's Most Ridiculous Cake, or whatever.

I might have at one time thought this was amusing, but now it just enrages me.

Part of me is enraged because I study Buddhism and there is a doctrine called the Eight-Fold Path.

One part of the eight fold path is RIGHT SPEECH.

Name-calling, gossip, lies and hateful speech are epidemic in this country.

Definition:

"And what is right speech? Abstaining from lying, from divisive speech, from abusive speech, & from idle chatter: This is called right speech."

Samyutta Nikaya 45:8