***A GREAT idea for LTTE's!!***

[Kade]

A great idea!!
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Originally posted by :Ready2Snap Thu Jul-14-05 01:02 AM



"I just posted this under the heading about forming permanent sub-groups.

We could use a voluntary editorial group made up a people with writing or journalism experience
to coach and tutor LTTEs and op-ed piece writers.
A DUACer could submit a draft and get several people's feedback on making it better.

And our fledgling correspondents would be getting an education
in organizing ideas, presenting arguments and framing issues.
I see this accelerating the development of more good writers and journalists to carry the battle.
Sort of an organic, grassroots to response to the right-wing propaganda machine.
We could call it DUU.

Volunteers could sign up through a group administrator
(assigned by DUAC admin. staff) who could help coordinate their efforts.

Whadda ya think?"

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This is an awesome idea! With all the writing talent on this site (technical, creative, persuasive, you name it!), how can we afford not to take advantage of such a resource!

-Kade

(edited for dumb word repeat....see what I mean!)

[Kade]

1. Having said all that....here my own LTTE....constructive crit. ?

This is my 1st LTTE, so I think it needs some tweaking. I tried to come off as an offended moderate since the Renton Reporter (of Renton WA where I will be sending this) could be considered, at best, a moderately conservative publishing.

Are my quotes ok? I've only got 350 words to work with and as it stands its at 333...so not a lot of room for major additions. Is my title too Ostentatious? I was really hoping to be more accurate about the Bush Administrations push for "moral integrity" etc. Is that an Agenda issue? Or am I thinking of the GOP in general? Anyone got a link to a quote? Is my quote at the end too terribely trite? All constructive criticism is welcome.

Thanks,
-Kade

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Crime and Punishment?

I am shocked and dismayed at the recent reports that Karl Rove, top political advisor to President Bush, is indeed connected to the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame. The testimony of New York Times Reporter Matt Cooper has made it clear that this man engaged in, at the very least, an inappropriate discussion concerning national security, and at worst, an act of treason by exposing an undercover CIA operative.

Perhaps even more disconcerting than Mr. Rove’s loose lips, is the lack of response from the Bush Administration since these reports were validated. It was made clear in the fall of 2003 by the President himself that if a leak had indeed occurred, and could be traced back to the White House, that any person connected would “be taken care of” (George W. Bush, Sept. 2003). Or as stated by Press Secretary, Scott McClellen, “if anyone in this administration was responsible for the leaking of classified information, they would no longer work in this administration.” (Scott McClellen, Oct. 2003).

So why haven’t we seen any action taken towards Karl Rove? Thus far the only explanation provided is that the White House doesn’t want to interfere with an ongoing investigation. I can understand that completely, these things take time to examine and many possibilities have to be considered. But in a case that casts doubt on someone so close to the President and the mishandling of sensitive information, would it not be prudent to at least suspend Mr. Rove’s security clearance until this matter has been resolved? Don’t President Bush’s own words concerning this issue demand that punitive action, in some form, be taken? For an Administration that has repeatedly touted itself as a champion of moral integrity, the lack of reaction sends a very disturbing message.

They say “if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.” Perhaps in this case it should be “don’t say the word fire, if you’re in bed with the liar.”

xxxxxxx


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[Dragonfli]

3. I am new to this as well

I liked yours better than mine:thumbsup:, but I think you are asking for the help (as am I) of the more experienced writers.

Without an extensive education I always feel a little overwhelmed by this stuff.

It's been a long time since school.
It is fun tho isn't it?:bounce:

[Pacifist Patriot]

5. Good letter! If you are looking to trim words....

And short and sweet is what attracts editors even more than fantastic writing sometimes, I'll take a pass at this. First, don't bother with a headline. The editors of the editorial section will create their own. *sigh* Sometimes they do a better job than others.

********************************************

I am shocked and dismayed at reports that Karl Rove, top political advisor to President Bush, is connected to the outing of CIA agent Valerie Plame. The testimony of New York Times Reporter Matt Cooper makes it clear this man engaged in, at least, an inappropriate discussion concerning national security, and at worst, an act of treason.

Lack of response from the Bush Administration since these reports were validated is even more disconcerting than Mr. Rove’s loose lips. The President said in September 2003 that if a leak had occurred involving the White House, any person connected would “be taken care of.”. As stated by Press Secretary, Scott McClellen in October 2003, “if anyone in this administration was responsible for the leaking of classified information, they would no longer work in this administration.”

Why hasn't Karl Rove been fired? The White House explanation is that they don't want to interfere with an ongoing investigation. Understandable as these things take time, but in a case that involves a top advisor to the President and the mishandling of sensitive information, it would be prudent to suspend Mr. Rove’s security clearance until this matter is resolved. President Bush’s own words demand that punitive action be taken. The lack of reaction is a disturbing message from an Administration touting itself as a champion of moral integrity,

They say “if you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.” Perhaps it should be “don’t say the word fire, if you’re in bed with the liar.”

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Couple of tips after you write your first draft.

1. Look for commas in the middle of sentences and see if flipping the phrases will eliminate the comma and make the sentence less choppy.

2. Watch for passive voice. See if you can make an object the subject instead.

3. Look for small words you can eliminate ('the' and 'that' are most common) without changing the meaning of the sentence. It's strange, but a lot of times eliminating "The" at the beginning of the sentence saves on word count without destroying the sentence. i.e. The leaks are harmful. Leaks are harmful.

4. See how many questions you can turn into statements/demands. The letter becomes less pleading and more forceful.

These are just general tips, not necessarily directed at your specific letter.

Great job!

[Kade]

6. Thank you so much...

...those tips are great and thank you for working them into my letter!

-Kade

[Dragonfli]

2. Care to help me with final edits?

my second draft (the first time the letter was posted @ DU for critique):
http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=106&topic_id=18347

After first responses - most current state of revision:
http://dragonflihost.net/to_the_editor.htm

I want to put this puppy to bed as soon as I get home from work tomorrow @ around 7:30 Pm

[Pacifist Patriot]

8. Here's a pass.

A Letter Re Accountability and National Security

Clear involvement of Karl Rove in revealing Valerie Plame's identity as a CIA operative is a grave matter of national security. I share the views of former president George H.W. Bush, who in April 1999 said, “I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious, of traitors."

Valerie Plame worked undercover on National Security Intelligence specifically in the area of enemy proliferation of WMD. Karl Rove made us less able to defend against such threats when he exposed her and her 20 year network of assets in a time of war. An act of treason during peacetime is dangerous--during a war it’s unforgivable. In the interests of national security any high level officials suspected of involvement should have security clearances immediately revoked. Official criminal charges should as soon as possible to prevent further breaches.

Worse than the crime was the reason it was allegedly committed. Joseph Wilson, Valerie Plame's husband, was the person sent to Niger to investigate the "yellow cake" claims falsely made by the White House prior to sending our troops to war. Joseph Wilson was the first person to dispute those claims. His wife's identity was compromised in the press shortly after he did so.

We are a country at war--a war based on possibly fraudulent motives. We have learned from the leaked minutes of a high level British meeting “The Downing Street Memos”, there were plans to "fix intelligence" to justify the illegal invasion and continuing occupation of Iraq. “The fixing of facts” is connected to the Plame outing and more investigation is needed. It has become a matter of national security to demand accountability be returned to the White House.

---------------------------------------------

Tip: Don't bother with the words "I believe..." LTTE are opinion pieces by nature and it just adds to your word count.

Great letter! I wish I'd mentioned the outing compromised a larger network. I think that's a point many people don't understand. One woman? So what! Oh shit, 20 years of intelligence networks and front companies?! That's something else.

[Sapphire Blue]

12. One suggested change...

Third paragraph... consider changing "Worse than the crime..." to "Increasing the severity of the crime..."

[Pacifist Patriot]

15. I agree. Perfect.

[Dragonfli]

16. Thanks for all the help!

I am posting this from work so I have to be quick.
I think I have it now, I hope to print and send it out as soon as I get home.

To The Editor,

A Letter Re Accountability and National Security

Clear involvement of Karl Rove in revealing Valerie Plame's identity as a CIA operative is a grave matter of national security. I share the views of former president George H.W. Bush, who in April 1999 said, “I have nothing but contempt and anger for those who betray the trust by exposing the name of our sources. They are, in my view, the most insidious, of traitors."

Valerie Plame worked undercover on National Security Intelligence specifically in the area of enemy proliferation of WMD. Karl Rove made us less able to defend against such threats when he exposed her and her 20 year network of assets in a time of war. An act of treason during peacetime is dangerous--during a war it’s unforgivable. In the interests of national security, any high level officials suspected of involvement should have security clearances immediately revoked and official criminal charges brought against them as soon as possible to prevent further breaches.

Increasing the severity of the crime was the reason it was allegedly committed. Joseph Wilson, Valerie Plame's husband, was the person sent to Niger to investigate the "yellow cake" claims falsely made by the White House prior to sending our troops to war. Joseph Wilson was the first person to dispute those claims. His wife's identity was compromised in the press shortly after he did so.

We are a country at war--a war based on possibly fraudulent motives. We have learned from the leaked minutes of a high level British meeting “The Downing Street Memos”, that there were plans to "fix intelligence" to justify the illegal invasion and continuing occupation of Iraq. “The fixing of facts” is connected to the Plame outing and more investigation is needed. It has become a matter of national security to demand accountability be returned to the White House.

Sincerely,
Dennis M Wilson Jr.


And thanks again for helping me with this:grouphug:

[Sapphire Blue]

13. See post #12 also.

[Pacifist Patriot]

4. I'll be happy to help.

I'm not a journalist, but I am a writer. And I've had plenty of experience pairing down letters to make them fit maximum word counts.

[central scrutinizer]

7. my $.02 worth

I manage to get about 8-10 letters printed every year in my local fishwrap. They say they only print about 20% of the letters that come in and each writer is limited to one per month so I have some experiences to share.

1. Make sure you use your own words - with google it is easy to search for astroturf letters. I outed one writer in our paper by sending the editor links to the identical letter in six other papers - it was obviously written by gopteamleader.com and the writer was too lazy or stupid to rewrite it in his own words.

2. Include facts, facts, and more facts. Use sources that the reader has heard of, not blogs. Avoid big words when simpler words will work.

3. Do not count on the editor to spot satire - use parenthetical asides addressed to the editor to help them and ask them to not change your words. For example, they butchered one of my letters - I was pointing out how ignorant Bushco's foreign policy was by using Bushco's own words: Grecians, Kosovians, etc. Because I didn't alert the editor to what I was doing, they changed it to Greeks, Kosovars, etc., spoiling the entire effect. They apologised after I fired off a complaint, but it was too late,

4. Keep it short and on a single topic. I usually just sit down at the keyboard and spew out several hundred words. Then I sleep on it for a day, come back and start whacking the shit out of it until I get it down to the size my paper (max 250 words) will print. That being said, timeliness is also very important. A letter commenting on an event that happened yesterday is more likely to be published than one commenting on something that happened last week. Sometimes you have to sacrifice succinctness for timeliness.

5. Read up on logical fallacies so you don't weaken your argument with ad hominem attacks, straw men arguments, and the like.

6. Save the best for last - try to make your last sentence the most powerful - I usually pose a question.

[Pacifist Patriot]

9. Great tips!

[Kade]

10. Wow.....

Sounds like your quite the local heavy hitter!! Has the paper offered you your own column yet?

-Kade

[central scrutinizer]

14. only on topics on which I have some credentials

I work with a population of low-income students at the University and have a lot of knowledge and experience in issues around accessibility to higher education. I have gotten about three longer pieces published on those issues, but my university asks that they be allowed to vet and edit the pieces first if I use their name as part of my byline - some of them have been so altered that I could barely hear my own voice when I read them.

[Lars39]

11. I like this idea.

I freely admit I could use this service.