As Bullies Go Digital, Parents Play Catch-Up

[groovedaddy]

Ninth grade was supposed to be a fresh start for Marie’s son: new school, new children. Yet by last October, he had become withdrawn. Marie prodded. And prodded again. Finally, he told her.

“The kids say I’m saying all these nasty things about them on Facebook,” he said. “They don’t believe me when I tell them I’m not on Facebook.”

But apparently, he was.

Marie, a medical technologist and single mother who lives in Newburyport, Mass., searched Facebook. There she found what seemed to be her son’s page: his name, a photo of him grinning while running — and, on his public wall, sneering comments about teenagers he scarcely knew.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/12/05/us/05bully.html?nl=todaysheadlines&emc=a23

[enlightenment]

1. Makes my hair stand on end.

I'm glad my son is grown and feel so sorry for parents and kids these days - technology has made this sort of thing almost impossible to control.

Technology is great - I'm using it now, so how can I complain? - but it is a tool that requires training and maturity to use wisely. We don't suggest that it is appropriate for a 12 year old to drive a car on an interstate highway in busy traffic; why do we think it's okay to hand that kid a computer or wireless mobile phone without any thought to what they will do with them? The least we can do is make sure they understand the consequences of what they can do with the technology before we cut them loose with it.

[groovedaddy]

2. One would like to think this would be a cause for faster maturation of the young but the evidence

indicates that we are headed in the other direction.

[enlightenment]

3. I'm not sure it's pushing one way or the other in terms of maturity.

I think the technology is exposing what most of us know - that children are not adults. (Many adults behave like children, but that's a different issue).

Personally, if my son were still a child (he's 30), I'm not sure I would give him all these techno-toys. A computer to do his schoolwork, yes - in a public area of the house. A phone? No. I don't own one and it doesn't impact my life enormously not to have it - it does make me more conscious of what I need to do before I leave the house to keep my ducks in a row.

Access to social networking? That would depend on his age and my involvement - but access would be minimal if at all. I tried FB for awhile, because I have a lot of friends in other countries and it seemed like a reasonable way to keep in touch. I was never comfortable with it, however, and left after a year of trying.

Leaving was a real wake-up call to me about how dependent people are on that site; a number of my friends stopped communicating with me at all - not because they were angry, but because it's too much trouble to write a letter or email. I'll write them and they'll respond - but they will not initiate a message.

"I'm on FB!" they cry, "If you'd just come back, we could talk all the time! I MISS you! We NEVER talk anymore!"

I suggest that 'chatting' on FB is hardly talking - they say I'm just being old-fashioned. So I continue to write them and wait patiently for them to take time from their busy 'lives' on FB to respond, but it feels like a one-way relationship for sure.

Very, very sad. I fear for civil society; I really do.

[groovedaddy]

4. I agree. While I'm amazed at the savy of the young with technology, I tend to think that it creates

way more problems for them in terms of the interactions with their peers, not to mention the danger of predators.
And, yes, many, many people are coming to rely solely upon Facebook as their preferred tool of communication. I still like hearing a voice on the other end of the line!

[enlightenment]

5. You and me both! nt