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Heretical Musings – The Wedding Dinner Fiasco
Charles was one of those people whom exuded class without being snobbish about it. He had an air about him that intrigued me because we were both working stiffs at the phone company. If any of you had read ‘Catch-22’ you might recall a character named Major DeCoverlay who was a mysterious and complex character whom no one knew too much about. Charles reminded me of the fascinating major. It was as if he was a blue blood born into nobility who gave up his title in order to become one of the regular folks.
From the first moment I met Charles, he and I became good friends. So, it wasn’t much of a surprise when he asked me to be his ‘best man’ at his 2nd marriage. Since he and his bride to be were both trying marriage for a 2nd time, the entire event was going to be very low key. I told him I would be honored and we shook hands.
The day of the event came and the wedding took place at a church in Philadelphia – the center city area. Immediately after they were wed the entire party consisting of the kids from both previous marriages, the wedded couple, and I walked down the street to a very nice restaurant to enjoy the wedding supper.
About 45 minutes passed with the usual small chitchat until something happened. One of the kids, and I use the term ‘kids’ in reference to people in their late 20’s and early 30’s, made a negative comment about Ronald Reagan who was the president at the time. I was a conservative of sorts but during the entire time I was one and especially when I voted Republican a few times there was this little voice in the back of my head yelling at me “what the hell are you doing?” I think I knew that the conservative movement and I had NOTHING in common but I went along for the ride anyway until I came to my senses.
Anyway, I retorted with a snotty response (typical conservative, right?) to which another one of the kids shot back with something else. It was downhill after that. We discussed just about everything going on in the world during the next couple of hours while consuming some excellent wine. Charles also was a member of the National Wine Society and knew how to pick some really good bargains that the restaurant offered. The more we drank the louder we became in our disagreement. All of them were what I thought at the time were ‘left wing whackos’. And God only knows what they thought I was.
The specific event that really triggered things was the Iran-Contra events that were just surfacing in the news. One of the women inquired, “well what do you think about Reagan’s policies in South America? Do you really think our government has a right to meddle in other countries’ affairs?” I didn’t hesitate with my response. I replied gratuitously “listen little lady. There are only 2 countries in the world – the U.S. and the Soviet Union. The rest of the world is in one camp or another”. (Keerist – that sounds like what Bush has said about being for us or against us).
After hearing my response, the kids just looked at me with a bit of horror on their faces! It was as if they’d never faced a cave man before. I glanced over, down the table to Charles and saw him merely looking straight ahead. Either he was totally pissed off over inviting this right wing asshole to his party or he was completely drunk – he’d had quite a few glasses of the red stuff.
The conversion died down and as the evening moved towards midnight I got up to make my exit (before I was lynched). I shook Charles’ hand, wished him and his bride a very long and happy life together and started moving along the table to the exit. One of the guys muttered to me “I bet you’re a big fan of Frank Rizzo too, right?” Rizzo used to be the mayor of Philadelphia but was known for his tactics as the police commissioner. During the racial riots that occurred, during the 60s I believe, he cordoned off the black neighborhoods and exclaimed “if they act up I’m gonna make Attila the Hun look like a faggot” (source – Philadelphia Inquirer).
As a fellow Italian I found Rizzo to be a complete embarrassment. However, I wasn’t going to admit this to those left wing freaks so I smiled and replied “Oh yes, I simply ADORE the guy and would vote for him if he ran for President of the U.S.!” I think I heard a couple of them gagging as I walked out the restaurant.
The following day I had a humongous headache and a sick feeling in my stomach. The sick feeling had to do with what occurred the night before. When my wife asked me how the wedding was (she couldn’t attend) I merely shrugged and said, “I bet you didn’t know you married the biggest asshole in the universe did you?” I explained what had transpired but she said that I was probably exaggerating. I only wish I was!
I dreaded the day Charles was going to come back from his honeymoon but the fateful day arrived and, as usual, Charles was late for work. In fact, I don’t remember Charles ever showing up to work on time. I think they call it ‘noblesse oblige’ or something like that. He finally showed up about 45 minutes late and I didn’t give him a chance to sit down at his desk. I ran up to him and said “Charles, Charles, I am SO sorry about the way I behaved at your dinner!” He looked at me confusingly and asked me what the hell was I talking about. I reminded him of the rather loud conversation and disagreements I had with the kids – both his and his wife’s – over politics. He burst out laughing and put his arm around me. He said “you made the wedding dinner one of the most interesting times I have had in a very long time.” It was my turn to be confused so he went on to explain, “look, I know you well enough to know you’re not anything like the hardliner you pretended to be that night. I knew you were just busting their stones, tweaking them a bit. Besides, you didn’t do anything differently than what I have done during family get togethers in order to stimulate conversation and get things going. Both my wife and I were delighted and will never forget that night”.
It was my turn to look confused. I thanked him and went back to my desk. Years later, however, the lesson about that night became quite apparent. Long after Charles had passed away (cancer), when Reagan’s alleged ‘legacy’ became obvious, I realized so many differences between the radical right wing and the liberal left. But the one thing that has stood out, above all else, was the simple fact that no matter how hot the conversation and arguments were among those magnificent left wingers, I NEVER, for one moment, felt threatened or that I faced physical harm. No matter what I said or would have said, those folks would have just listened, disagreed, and went along their merry way. But compare that with the right wing environment. Would I feel the same way espousing left wing ideology among the right wing neocons we see around us today? I think the answer is obvious. And that is why I have said we are now in the middle of a civil war whether we want to admit it or not.
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