Hey Republicans, It's Time for Some Old Timey Politics (Casey / HuffPo)

[struggle4progress]

Shaun Casey
Posted May 11, 2009 | 12:12 PM (EST)

The problem with the modern Republican party is that, along with being sadistic, callous and evil, they look, well, sadistic, callous and evil ... The party needs to go back to a time when gentle, hairy strangers roamed the landscape and shared stories about how good it was back in the day, their wispy Mark Twain style mustaches gently blowing in the wind under an old willow tree ... With a little experimentation, the right combination of sideburns and a well groomed upper lip can take you from an insidious, hawkish war criminal to a Colonel Saunders-esque mustachioed favorite uncle, ripe with old timey charm ... Get some Boss Hogg all white suits with bollo ties, a fiddler, and "MC Rove" to start calling square dances at leadership conventions instead of rapping. All the sudden the party convention is starting to look less like a secret society of black magic war-locks run by people who look like marshmallows thrown into a campfire and more like a good old fashioned good time jamberoo. You are conjuring up images of good times people never had, but have always secretly longed to. Mmmm, that's good-old-timey ... If anyone asks about previous regimes, the new leadership needs to act surprised and outraged by previous antics, add a statement of disbelief, and finish the sentence with something vague and tinged with religious piety while not actually atoning for the party's previous actions or promising to change them, in a country twang, e.g. "Geezm crow, how in tarnation did those boys get any votes at all? They stole them? Well don't that just beat all. Well, we'll see about that. And the good lord knows that to be true" ... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/shaun-casey/hey-republicans-its-time_b_201580.html