Things you have to believe to be a Republican today:

[question everything]

(This email is making the rounds, apologies if was posted before)


Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

A woman can't be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

HMOs and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The public has a right to know about Hillary's cattle trades, but George Bush's driving record is none of our business.

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

You support states' rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have the right to adopt.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Feel free to pass this on. If you don't send it to at least 10 other people, we're likely to be stuck with Bush for 4 more years.

Friends don't let friends vote Republican

[camby]

1. That's a good one -

I saw it today on Buzz Flash and passed it around to a few folks. We need to keep this list handy next time some Repubs start yappin about flip-flops.

[mhr]

2. The Purveyor Of Such Beliefs, None Other Than ....

Never Forget The Face Of American Fascism'THIS IS NO DIFFERENT THAN WHAT HAPPENS AT THE SKULL & BONES INITIATION...I'M TALKING ABOUT PEOPLE HAVING A GOOD TIME. THESE PEOPLE -- YOU EVER HEARD OF EMOTIONAL RELEASE? YOU EVER HEARD OF NEEDING TO BLOW SOME STEAM OFF?'

[Solar]

3. hahaha!

Yeah I posted this on another forum I frequent. Me and all of the others were laughing at how the repubs just couldn't understand what was wrong with it all.

[fumetti]

4. Others....

Gun violence on TV does not influence behavior, but watching sex on TV turns us into perverts.

Raising yourself up by your bootstraps is a virtue, unless you're Bill Clinton. Being a slacker son raised with a silver spoon is not, unless you're George W. Bush.

Violating the UN charter to defend a UN resolution makes perfect sense.

[LiberalPersona]

5. Yes

You have to believe that everyone was meant to live the same life and should be forced to live it.

The country will magically sustain itself without sufficient taxes.

People will donate enough money to charity if the government cuts programs.