That damned "How Conservative Are You?" quiz...

[dedhed]

If you haven't seen it recently... click here. It's been bouncing around the Internet for about a week now. One of the lovable, Conservative goof-balls I work with actually printed it out and left it on my desk (I scored a 25.) It's boring here at work today, so I came up with this rebuttal "quiz." Feel free to pass around...

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Test-takers get 6.25 points (whoa... decimals) for every statement they mark “YES”:

1. I’ve never once come close to entertaining the fleeting notion that, should I agree with a majority of a candidate’s positions, I might vote Democrat.

2. I believe a federal flat-tax on earned income is a swell way to distribute the tax burden.

3. I believe it a more impeachable crime for a sitting President to lie about receiving oral sex then it is to mislead his nation into war.

4. I didn’t vote for President-elect Gore in 2000.

5. I believe it is guaranteed in the U.S. Constitution that the superior reliability of an American-made, 27.6 lbs, 7.62 mm machine gun (with an effective range of 1,100 meters and 200-600 round-per-minute firing-rate) should be available to purchase by any psycho who has yet to be noticed by the police.

6. I want my tax dollars to support the voucher system… and help poor, underprivileged Muslim parents fund their child’s education at a private, fundamentalist Madrasa, which teaches Islamic theology and religious law, and typically includes a mosque.

7. I believe our children should discuss sex, contraception, pregnancy, AIDS, and STDs not in public schools, but at Walgreen’s while buying condoms before the big “boy-girl” sleepover.

8. Yo me opongo la educación bilingüe!

9. I support marriage - that wonderful institution where two consenting adults can proclaim their timeless and unwavering love for each other in front of their God, family, and friends – and all of the social, economic, and legal benefits that the wedded couple stand to reap… unless they’re, you know… queer or something.

10. Any government effort to help the poor (or the tired, the huddled masses, those yearning to be free, and/or the wretched refuse of teeming foreign shores) should be privatized.

11. I believe more racial profiling could have helped track down such notorious terrorists as Ted Bundy, Timothy McVeigh, Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold.

12. I eat potatoes.

13. When I think about the 3000+ killed on 9/11, and 900+ American soldiers and unknown thousands of Iraqi civilian deaths, I am comforted to remember that Saddam Hussein has been captured.

14. I fondly recalled the hazing I doled out at frat parties when I heard about Abu Graib.

15. I need some idiotic opportunist’s mediocre song to make me “proud to be an American.”

16. I’m incapable of making my own, informed decisions on social and political issues, and depend on FOX News to tell me what to think.
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:bounce:

[noahmijo]

1. Well here's my problem with this quiz

I am a gun owner so that makes me part conservative all of a sudden? why does being a gun owner who believes in gun laws and keeping guns out of the hands of criminals automatically make you somewhat conservative??

I do think taxes for the middle class are too high they should be lowered while taxes for the rich are raised.

I also eat meat, but I would never hunt or kill an animal unless it's dangerous and poised to attack myself or any other human being for that matter.

I can't say I was depressed when Saddam was captured. I cheered for our soldiers who had done their job, and let's face it people as much as I hate the war on Iraq as much as I wish we hadn't done it, I don't think we can claim Saddam to be an innocent man who deserves to be coddled.

Same goes for Uday and Qusay who were known to be rapists and murderers. I was happy to hear of their deaths and that no 14 year old girl will ever be chained to a post and raped and slashed by one of them again.

Again I credit our soldiers for these accomplishments NOT *. I know I know we got plenty of sickos JUST LIKE THEM here in the states that I wish we could put into the hands of a Marine who is a father of 3 daughters, but I guess I just took what we got out of this bullshit war.

[classof56]

2. Good questions!

I got one "yes"--I do indeed eat potatoes every now and then (I'm not on Atkins so it's legit). Maybe out of deference to the worthy potato farmers in my neighboring state of Idaho.

Be interesting to know what kind of responses you get should you circulate this. To paraphrase Jerry: What a long, strange ride we're on.

Bush Must Go!!

[OnionPatch]

3. I never saw the original

and maybe I don't want to from the sound of it.
But I had to add in there that I LOVE potatoes! I'm a sushi-eatin', latte-drinking, potato muncher!! I like em' mashed, fried, baked, and any other possible way you can cook them.
I am not the least bit conservative. Maybe you should have put down pork rinds instead of potatoes.

[dedhed]

4. Don't sweat the potatoes...

I put that one in there to counter the original quiz's "I eat meat" point.

I wrote this quiz to give back to the Conservatives who pass me the original quiz. Anyone who seems a bit proud to get a high score on the original quiz might be fun to knock down a notch or two with my version... maybe they're more Liberal then they think? And that's just FUN to watch!!

:bounce:

[bookfreak]

5. Let's see

I got a 20 on that other guy's quiz

I got a 12.5 on your quiz

[Bogus W Potus]

6. Here we go:

Answers are in bold:


1. I have never voted for a Democrat in my life.

I've never voted for a Republican in my life

2. I think my taxes are too high.

They're about right.

3. I supported Bill Clinton's impeachment.

No, I didn't.

4. I voted for President Bush in 2000.

Nope.

5. I am a gun owner.

Not currently.

6. I support school voucher programs.

I don't. I think they drain money from public education.

7. I oppose condom distribution in public schools.

I think parents should have to sign forms for this but if they give permission then I see no problem with condoms being given out to their children.

8. I oppose bilingual education.

I think this depends on how many Spanish-speaking students there are in a district. I do, however, think that kids should eventually learn English so that they are able to survive in America and make good for themselves.

9. I oppose gay marriage.

I don't care if gay people want to get married. Doesn't affect me in the least.

10. I want Social Security privatized.

Absolutely not.

11. I believe racial profiling at airports is common sense.

No. If we didn't constantly mess around in the Middle East then we wouldn't have anything to fear from Arab countries and their people anyway.

12. I shop at Wal-Mart.

No. I shop at Target.

13. I enjoy talk radio.

I can't stand talk radio.

14. I am annoyed when news editors substitute the phrase "undocumented person" for "illegal alien."

I don't care. I think anyone who comes here should be allowed to stay as long as they aren't a felon.

15. I do not believe the phrase "a chink in the armor" is offensive.

What the fuck?

16. I eat meat.

Hell yeah I do.

17. I believe O.J. Simpson was guilty.

I do. I also don't think he ever would have been convicted, even if Mark Fuhrman hadn't uttered the n-word.

18. I cheered when I learned that Saddam Hussein had been captured.

I wouldn't say I cheered, but I was glad that we had got him, even though I opposed this war.

19. I cry when I hear "Proud to be an American" by Lee Greenwood.

I can't stand this song. I think it's jingoistic bullshit.

20. I don't believe the New York Times.
I get the Times delivered to my house daily. 'Nuff said.

So.. I don't really know how to add my results up. I'm all over the map because a lot of these questions were difficult to answer with a simple yes or no. I guess that if you tabulate these results I could be characterized as a center-left person, or a moderate liberal.

[LiberalPersona]

7. That was incredibly stupid

Numbers 5, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, and 17 have absolutely nothing to do with conservatism and liberalism.

[JohnOneillsMemory]

8. Try this GENUINE 'FASCISM RECEPTIVITY' test from 1950.

Send all of this info to your co-workers and see if they laugh.


After WWII social scientists made inquiries into how large populations could follow monsters like Hitler, Mussolini, Franco, etc. and they determined that a key psychological trait was reponsible. They called it an 'authoritarian personality.'
http://www.anesi.com/fscale.htm
(The F-Scale Questionnaire)

http://empirewatch.org/pages/_archives/fascism/pages/14_symptoms.html
(14 Symptoms of Fascism)

Coincidentally, the 'authoritarian personality' is common in conservatives and fundamentalist religious sects.
http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2003/07/22_politics.shtml
(What Makes A Conservative Mind)

Tying all this together is this British psychologist's assessment of Georgie W's childhood family experiences, alcoholism and religion which explains his recklessly destructive mindset and policies.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/usa/story/0,12271,1033904,00.html
(So George, How Do You Feel About Your Mom and Dad?)

[LWBryant]

9. What's the Fiscal Difference Between Democraps and Repugnicans?

Answer: Democraps like to spend money. Repugnicans like to spend OTHER PEOPLE'S money.

[mercury19]

10. They both spend

They both spend other people's money! Where do you think it comes from? We earn it, they take it, and spend it! Some things are worth while, others are not, but the largest slice of the pie is social spending, and we know where the chips fall there!

[ComerPerro]

13. You have to be a complete idiot to belive that

I mean, really. The largest slive of the pie is social spending. What a complete load of shit! We are spending untold billions on the war in Iraq, and we are about to start another war with Iran.

Social programs have price tags that are usually in the low millions.

[mercury19]

11. Guns

Ummm, fully auto firearms have been tightly regulated since 1934. The so-called "assault weapons" are not selective fire, they are semi automatic.

Also, the impeachment was for perjury, not having oral sex. If you are trying to make the case that perjury is OK, that is a different argument.

Depending on FOX news is as idiotic as depending solely on any other news source.

Airplane hijackers happen to have a pretty solid racial profile. On the other hand, serial killers are almost always white males.

If a list of questions can make you decide if you are conservative, liberal, or otherwise, you have bigger issues.

[pink-o]

12. I only got 5 points

on the original test. That was no 17--OJ's guilt.

Damn, it's pretty obvious he's guilty, especially when you know that strangers rarely kill in this way. It's how we know Scott Peterson is guilty as well.

But the burden of proof is on the prosecution, so a conviction is a whole 'nother matter.

As for meat: I haven't eaten anything with eyes (except potatoes) since 1977. But being a carnivore doesn't make one a conservative. Belittling vegetartians and suing Oprah for disparaging hamburgers is a pretty good indication that you're a redneck reactionary, but most libs I know are meat-eaters. And the ones who are born-again herbivores are just as tedious and boring as their born-again religious counterparts.

Nutrition, like religion, is an individual choice.

[ReallyTired]

14. HaHa!

Funny