Bush in Hell

[Renew Deal]

One day in the future, George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got some folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Bush thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the first room.

In it was Ronald Reagan and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed. Over and over and over. Such was his fate in hell.

"No, George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the next room. In it was Richard Nixon with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented George.

The devil opened a third door. In it, Bush saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.

Bush took this in disbelief and finally said, "Yea, I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said "OK, Monica, you're free to go."

[Lubernaut]

1. Hee Hee Haw Chortness

Quite amusing.

Thanks.

[Name removed]

14. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Gronk Groks]

2. Almost drowned my keyboard with a pepsi on that one...

...the BEST shrub joke I have heard yet!!!

[Geoff R. Casavant]

3. Nope, better punchline here

Setup the same, first two rooms the same.

Third room, Clinton standing in a room with ten other people, all up to their knees in sh*t.

Bush says, okay, I'll take this one.

Clinton goes, Bush enters the room. Then a whistle blows and the Devil says, "Okay, break's over, everyone. Back to standing on your heads."

[Name removed]

4. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[psriter]

5. Funny, but

why use Bush in the joke. It would have worked just as well with anyone else's name, or no name at all. You've got enough actual policy to mock him with, and it would be really wierd if you thought Bush's pain was inherently funny.

[VeryZexyLiberal]

6. Heh

Funny, but I've heard jokes like this before.

[GrpCaptMandrake]

7. Welcome to DU

and the joke is funny b/c it's always funny to point out Dear Leader's ignorance.

Guess you haven't been around here long enough to hear about the Brazillians.

[sbeck01]

12. Bushy

Ha ha! I've never heard this hell joke before. I actually think his name in the joke is very appropriate...not because his "pain" in hell is inherently funny--pain is never funny. But the irony gets you here: Bush is the most rabidly homophobic man ever, and it would be delightful poetic justice for him to be condemned to blowing his Democratic predecessor throughout eternity. Come on...eternal blowjobs vs. eternal, Wrath-of-God torment by white-hot flames and burning sulfur...I'd take the blowjobs. Nice joke! :-)

[toymachines]

11. no, you see

the real fun is that Bush would have to suck Bill Clinton's cock for all eternity. It is funny because Bush doesn't like Clinton one bit. And yes Bush's pain in hell is rather funny, at least satisfying.

[Boojatta]

17. Bush's pain?!? How do you know that isn't a description of Bush Heaven?

Think about it. If W's father committed a crime before W was conceived, then that fact would not be a black mark against W's moral status. Morality is the realm of choice. No choice made by W can control or even influence actions performed by W's father before W's conception.

However, W insists that same-sex marriage is a moral issue and that the moral legislator will oppose it.

To many people (including W), mixed gender marriage is like a cup of freshly squeezed orange juice. It's tasty and good for you. To some people, same-sex marriage is like a cup of urine. It's just not something that personally appeals to them as a beverage. However, W apparently sees same-sex marriage as being like a stolen cup of beer. If you know that it is stolen, then you are supposed to take it to lost and found. If you drink it, then you are violating a moral principle.

Now, keep in mind that many people believe in differences between the moral laws of our time and place and the moral laws of heaven. For example, a devout Muslim might desire one wife for every day of the week. However, he knows there is a limit of four wives per customer. Nevertheless, the forbidden pleasure of more than four wives might be available in heaven. In fact, some believe that a good Muslim will have 72 virgin brides in heaven.

How do we know what heaven is for W? Maybe in W's heaven the forbidden pleasure of drinking stolen beer (having sex with Bill Clinton) becomes available as a reward for the work W has done for God here on Earth.

[Boojatta]

18. Note: the above message by Boojatta was a response to psriter.

"it would be really wierd if you thought Bush's pain was inherently funny" are words that psriter posted. Why does psriter mention pain?

[SeaBob]

8. Bush

I like it :evilgrin:

[travistravis]

9. Check out the "Impeach Bush" Van

http://www.travsite.com/2006/01/impeach-bush-van.html

[FoxNewsSucks]

10. Bush's Jigsaw puzzle

Darth Cheney is in his office working on new ways to screw poor people and give money to Halliburton when the phone rings. It's his "boss" George Bush, who says, "Uncle Dick, I have a problem."

"What's that?" asks Cheney.

"Well, you told me to stay busy in the Oval Office, so I had got me a jigsaw puzzle." says George. "But I can't figure it out. None of the pieces seem to fit and I can't find any edges!"

Cheney asks, "What's it a picure of, George?"

"A big ol' rooster, & I can't get it," whines the President.

Cheney sighs, "OK, George, I'll be over in a couple minutes to take a look at it."

Cheney walks in to the Oval office, takes one look at the pile on George's desk and says, "Christ, George, put the god damn cornflakes back in the box!!"

[SongOfTheRayne]

13. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......

A man is standing in Washington, D.C., trying to catch a cab to take him home, but every time one pulls over, the driver asks if he is a Democrat or a Republican. And when he says that he is a Democrat, the car drives away without him. After this has happened many times, a car being driven by a blonde woman stops. The man is tired of people driving away without him, so he lies and says he's a Republican. So she says, "Hop in!" and begins to drive him home. And he can't help but stare in wonder at how beautiful she is, her long, flowing hair, her smile...

"STOP!" he yells. "I'll walk home! STOP THE CAR!"
"What's the matter?" she asks.
"I've only been a Repubican for five minutes," the man replies, "And I ALREADY want to fu.ck somebody!"

[eugene5debs]

15. Okay, that was fair....

Here's another Bush funny....

http://www.staggeron.org/universe.html#Bush_cedes_California

[SeveredMind]

16. Dude

Please, I'm drinking lemonade!

(Awsome)