Ali Baba and the TSA

[cranston36]

Ali Baba and the TSA :

TSA CLERK: What is your name?

TRAVELLER:Ron Smith.

TSA CLERK: Is Ron your first name?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: What is your last name?

TRAVELLER:Smith.

TSA CLERK: Have you been here before?

TRAVELLER:Yes, last week.

TSA CLERK: Have you ever used another name besides ‘Ron Smith’?

TRAVELLER:No.

TSA CLERK: We don’t have a Ron Smith going through here last week.

TRAVELLER:Maybe it’s under ‘Ronald Smith’.

TSA CLERK: I thought you never used another name besides ‘Ron Smith’.

TRAVELLER:Well, yes, but my full name is Ronald. Maybe they have it under Ronald instead of Ron.

TSA CLERK: Who is they?

TRAVELLER:They. Them. You. The lady that took my information last week when I was flying out of here.

TSA CLERK: Whoever took your information would only take the information you gave them. If you gave them Ronald they would type in Ronald. If you gave them Ron they would type in Ron. You just gave me Ron so I typed in Ron. If you gave them another name other than Ron I need to know what it is.

TRAVELLER:It might be under Ronald.

TSA CLERK: I’ll check Ronald. No, nothing under Ronald.

TRAVELLER:I don’t know what to say.

TSA CLERK: Do you have any identification on you?

TRAVELLER:I have these cards.

TSA CLERK: Anything with a photograph. Do you have something with your name on it and your photograph?

TRAVELLER:Yes, here is my driver’s license.

TSA CLERK: This says your name is Ronald. Is that you?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: I’ll have to change your name in the system then because I have you in as Ron. We’ll have to start again. This will just take a moment.

(Ten Minutes Pass)

TSA CLERK: Okay, so is this your picture?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: Is that you in the photo?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: Is this your name here? Ronald Smith?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: Have you been through here before?

TRAVELLER:Yes, last week.

TSA CLERK: I can’t find you in here. Did you perhaps give them another name?

TRAVELLER:No. Ronald Smith or Ron Smith.

TSA CLERK: Which is it?

TRAVELLER:Ronald Smith.

TSA CLERK: Just like on the driver’s license?
TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: Spelled the same way?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: I still can’t find you in here. Anyway, we’ll just start fresh. Do you have any carry on baggage?

TRAVELLER:No. It’s all been checked.

TSA CLERK: Would you like to check anything now?

TRAVELLER:No. I checked it already.

TSA CLERK: I still can’t find you in here from last week. Do you have another piece of identification with your picture on it?

TRAVELLER:Yes, here you go.

TSA CLERK: Is this your picture?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: Is this your name?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: This one says Ron Smith and the Driver’s License says, Ronald Smith. I’ll have to put in a variance for you.

(Five minutes pass)

TSA CLERK: You didn’t sign this card, sir.

TRAVELLER:Oh, I must have forgotten.

TSA CLERK: Please sign the card, sir.

TRAVELLER:Okay.

(Signs card)

TSA CLERK: Is this you, Ron Smith?

TRAVELLER:Yes.

TSA CLERK: You signed it Ronald Smith.

TRAVELLER:Oh, my, does that make a difference?

TSA CLERK: Well, not here, but someone might have a problem with that. They are sticklers for detail on the other end. I hope they let you off the plane.

TRAVELLER:I could resign it.

TSA CLERK: That wouldn’t be proper. We’ll just have to see how it goes.

TRAVELLER:I see.

TSA CLERK: Would you mind taking off your shoes?

TRAVELLER:Sure. Here you go.

TSA CLERK: Place them on the counter please.

TRAVELLER:Okay.

TSA CLERK: Did you buy these shoes here in the airport?

TRAVELLER:No. I bought them at the mall near my house.

TSA CLERK: Has anyone approached you and offered to give you money to wear shoes on this flight?

TRAVELLER:No.

TSA CLERK: Has anyone unknown to you asked you to wear shoes as a favor for them on this flight?

TRAVELLER:No.

TSA CLERK: Okay. We are just about done here. After you put your shoes on you can proceed over to the check-in screening booth and speak to Mr. Da'uud Mikha'iil Muusa standing over there next to Mrs. Faaima Ali Aa'isha for your final flight approval.

[spindrifter]

1. Beautiful!

[MercutioATC]

2. More TSA idiocy:

I'm an air traffic controller. To become an air traffic controller, one has to pass an FBI security check and obtain a Secret security clearance.

A controller I work with is on the TSA's "Do Not Fly" list. He's repeatedly petitioned them to be removed, citing the fact that the FBI has cleared him to tell Air Force One where to fly...and the TSA has refused.

This is a guy who tells airplanes to fly for a living...yet he's not allowed to board one because he's a "security risk".