Humor Classic - Top 14 NRA Convention Seminar Topics

[CO Liberal]

I just came across this while searching for a file. This was originally posted on www.topfive.com shortly after the Columbine tragedy in 1999. A few weeks later, dozens of pro-gunners cancelled their subscriptions to the site, and they had a few lists of the e-mail responses that were almost as goon as the DU Hate Mailbag - Wayne

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The Top 14 Seminar Topics at the Scaled-Down NRA Convention

14 Impressing Jodi Foster 101

13 Releasing Stress By Blowing Away Defenseless Animals: A Primer

12 Paramilitary Chicks and How To Nail 'Em

11 Membership Drive 2000: Got Nutz?

10 Self Defense: Fleeing From Difficult Questions, Parts 1 - 20

9 Knife-Throwing, Archery, and Axe-Wielding: Staying Occupied During that Pesky 7-Day Waiting Period

8 Speed Reading and the Second Amendment

7 Sports Hunting with Semiautomatic Weapons, Like the Founding Fathers Intended

6 The Law and You: How to Kick a Liberal Pansy's Ass -- Legally!

5 Do Guns Kill People, Or Do People Kill People? Who The Hell Cares, Let's Go Shoot Something!

4 Corvettes and Wife Abuse: Other Ways to Compensate for Your Small Penis

3 Trigger Locks, Seatbelts, Fluoridated Water and Other Communist Plots

2 Hollow Points: Analyzing the NRA Charter


and Topfive.com's Number 1 Seminar Topic at the Scaled-Down NRA Convention...


1 “Really” Concealed Weapons: You'll Get My Gun When You Pry It from My Cold, Dead Rectum

[DoNotRefill]

1. actually, you can buy a "rectum gun"...

It's a .22LR, apparently issued to the CIA at some point. It comes complete with a wax plug for the barrel and a tube of KY. I'm not kidding. It was designed to be concealed in the rectum, so agents might be able to keep it hidden if captured.

You sometimes see new manufacture ones up for sale. They're AOWs. I've never seen a used one for sale....I doubt there's much of a market for them... ;-)

[CO Liberal]

2. Brings New Meaning to the Phrase "Blow It Out Your Ass"

:-)

[DoNotRefill]

5. My question would be....

if you had one of these things in your rectum and it somehow discharged, would that make your anus an unregistered sound supressor? If you wanted BATFE approval, would you have to tattoo a serial on your asscheek? And what would you put on the Form 1 as a model number? Anus, Model 1 Mark 0? ;-)

It's nice to have a silly thread every now and again... ;-)



BTW, rumor has it that the Serbu Siris had a fluted can on it to prevent suction build-up...

[CO Liberal]

6. If I Had One Of Those In My Rectum....

...it wouldn't be very concealed, judging by how I'd be walking......

:-)

(BTW - I agree that silly threads are in order every once in a while.)

[DoNotRefill]

7. that's not the real thing...

the real thing was about 2-3 inches long, about as thick as a man's thumb, was shaped like a medicine capsule, and had no rough edges. I tried to find a pic of one on Google....you don't want to know what the search turned up... >SHUDDER<

[CO Liberal]

8. Why Don't You Keep That Your Little Secret?

:-)

[DoNotRefill]

10. but CO....

(in a whining voice) I thought this board was all about SHARING!!!! ;-)

BWAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!! :)

[CO Liberal]

12. Some Things are NOT Meant to Be Shared......

:-)

[leanings]

3. Those are pretty good.

New to me, funny stuff.

Yeah, on the rectal gun thing; when I did LE work we were shown a pic of an x-ray of a prisoner who had a .22 revolver, a knife and three condoms full of drugs concealed in his posterior.

[CO Liberal]

4. He Must Have Been Fun At Parties

:-)

[CO Liberal]

9. About the "Top Five" Site

They had a group of regular contributors. The webmaster would send out categories and the contributors would send in their entries - the best ones got published - usually there were more than five, so the number varied from day to day.

Last time I checked that site, they were doing lists once a week. I hope it's still running.

http://www.topfive.com/

[demsrule4life]

11. MMM humor

An American, Briton, French person, and Million Mom Marcher were taken hostage by Middle Eastern terrorists. The terrorists decided to shoot their hostages. "Any last words?" the leader asked.
"Go to hell!" the American said. The firing squad's guns failed to fire.
"It is the will of Allah, let him go," said the leader.
Then it was the Briton's turn. "God save the Queen!" The guns again malfunctioned, so the Briton was released.
They put the Frenchman in front of the wall next. "Vive la France!" The rifles didn't go off, so the Frenchman was set free.
Then they put the Million Mom Marcher up. "Those three wouldn't tell you this, but you have to remove your trigger locks before you can shoot."