Advice to Youth re: Guns by Mark Twain 1882

[aikoaiko]

I stumbled across this and thought it was interesting satire given some of the stories we've shared in this forum.

Advice to Youth by Mark Twain

Never handle firearms carelessly. The sorrow and suffering that have been caused through the innocent but heedless handling of firearms by the young! Only four days ago, right in the next farm house to the one where I am spending the summer, a grandmother, old and gray and sweet, one of the loveliest spirits in the land, was sitting at her work, when her young grandson crept in and got down an old, battered, rusty gun which had not been touched for many years and was supposed not to be loaded, and pointed it at her, laughing and threatening to shoot. In her fright she ran screaming and pleading toward the door on the other side of the room; but as she passed him he placed the gun almost against her very breast and pulled the trigger! He had supposed it was not loaded. And he was right—it wasn’t. So there wasn’t any harm done. It is the only case of that kind I ever heard of. Therefore, just the same, don’t you meddle with old unloaded firearms; they are the most deadly and unerring hings that have ever been created by man. You don’t have to take any pains at all with them; you don’t have to have a rest, you don’t have to have any sights on the gun, you don’t have to take aim, even. No, you just pick out a relative and bang away, and you are sure to get him. A youth who can’t hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three quarters of an hour, can take up an old empty musket and bag his grandmother every time, at a hundred. Think what Waterloo would have been if one of the armies had been boys armed with old muskets supposed not to be loaded, and the other army had been composed of their female relations. The very thought of it make one shudder.

[Deep13]

1. Still good advice.

Safety rule #1: every gun is loaded.

Safety rule #2: if you are sure a gun is not loaded, but you have not actually inspected the chamber visually, refer to rule #1.

[iverglas]

2. please do bring this up

next time somebody starts up with the faux outrage about Diane Feinstein ...

[Raskolnik]

3. What does this passage from Twain have to do with Feinstein?

Could you explain?

[iverglas]

4. uh ...

He had supposed it was not loaded. And he was right—it wasn’t. ... Think what Waterloo would have been if one of the armies had been boys armed with old muskets supposed not to be loaded, ...

[Raskolnik]

5. The question remains: what does any of this have to do with Diane Feinstein?

Please explain.

[iverglas]

6. I'd never taken you for being so thick

that such obvious things had to be explained.

http://www.google.ca/search?num=30&hl=en&safe=off&q=site%3Awww.democraticunderground.com+feinstein+unloaded&btnG=Search&meta=

[Raskolnik]

7. I asked a question, you answered it.

I didn't call you a name, I didn't cast aspersions as to your intelligence, and I didn't attempt to read your mind. I asked you a question, to which you had the answer. Sure it took two attempts for you to actually answer it, but you did it.

So why do you feel the need to be pissy about that?

[iverglas]

8. forgive me

I just don't know how someone could read a post in the Guns forum about somebody aiming an unloaded firearm at somebody and not immediately think

DIANNE FEINSTEIN!!!

But I do find that conceptual relationships that are obvious to me aren't always so to others ... I'd just figured you for one of the not others, which made your question look disingenuous.



typo fixed ... and I didn't check this time, so if I spelled her name wrong ...

[tburnsten]

11. Well... This piece actually is a scathing admonishment

of the exact kind of behavior Dianne Feinstein was exhibiting. The fact that it just happened to not be loaded is besides the point, and the fact that the crowd around Feinstein wasn't panicking is also totally beside the point.

I think you might have this one backwards.

[AtheistCrusader]

14. I see one difference

between, what I would consider 'professionals', and how Feinstein handled that gun in the Senate. I've seen people like Stephen Higgins, and other directors of the BATFE bring in example firearms, while testifying about department practices, decisions, or interpretation of prior law, and I have NEVER once seen him, or anyone else from that agency, or even any law enforcement agency, state or federal, 'pose' with a weapon.

I found that action to be appalling, and extremely unhelpful in furthering any gun control measures that may actually curb crime. It gave certain parties a symbolic 'rallying point' if you will. It made the debate about her actions, and not the quality and content of the bill. That's a problem. Provocative, and unhelpful, to say nothing of how unprofessional it was, from a firearms handling standpoint. She swept it across a room full of people. It's not the only time she's done it either. Pretty sure it happened in a 2003 press conference with then-Governor Gray Davis, and some police officers, same violations of safety (bolt closed, two duct-taped together magazines inserted) though she may not have swept it across the room that time.

Bolt closed, magazine inserted, finger on the trigger, at low ready. Anyone in the room could have reasonably assumed that weapon was loaded and ready to fire. Feinstein has done a lot of good things through the years, and been a victim of some shocking violence for her troubles. But that particular incident, and photo op, were extremely unhelpful. You're going to keep seeing it brought up, again and again, for years, distracting from real debate. I really wish it had never happened.

[Fire_Medic_Dave]

9. It was a bad idea for her also, what's your point?

[iverglas]

10. you didn't get it, did you Dave?

Twain's tale was called "satire".

[tburnsten]

12. I don't think it was satire

[iverglas]

13. good grief

I don't know how much more obvious it could be that this piece is satire. Back in the day when Twain wrote it, people actually had a sense of humour.

"... don’t you meddle with old unloaded firearms; they are the most deadly and unerring <things> that have ever been created by man."

That isn't a straight line. It's sarcastic. It is meant to point out the ridiculousness of the mindset he is poking fun at. He is POKING FUN. That's what he did.

"... you don’t have to have a rest, you don’t have to have any sights on the gun, you don’t have to take aim, even. No, you just pick out a relative and bang away, and you are sure to get him."

Get it? No, you AREN'T sure to get him, and people who say so are silly. THAT is what Twain is saying.

Whether one agrees with what he is saying or not. That is what he is saying.

"A youth who can’t hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three quarters of an hour, can take up an old empty musket and bag his grandmother every time, at a hundred."

To which we would say today: NOT.

Bush was a good president. NOT.

Anybody can pick up an old unloaded musket and kill his grandmother. NOT.


Is anybody at all getting it??

What a solemn, or at least pseudo-solemn crowd, we are here.



Note: aikoaiko POSTED it as satire: "thought it was interesting satire".

Yeesh.

[tburnsten]

15. To me it reads more like the sage advice of someone truly familiar with firearms

Almost every single accidental shooting is with a gun that is 'unloaded'. I think the disconnect between your take on the piece and Dianne Feinstein's actions and our take on them is that, being gunowners and shooters, there is only one truly hard and fast safety rule- All guns are always loaded, don't ever point them at anyone you don't want to shoot.

That is essential and drilled into our heads by the people who taught us about guns because they can kill if you are not dilligent enough with your safety measures. What the boy did in the story to his grandmother isn't satire, it's horrifying. Twain was saying that no matter how untalented someone is with a firearm, people behaving foolishly with them have an uncanny ability to peg a person without meaning to. It isn't satire, it is a cautionary tale injected with some humor.

[iverglas]

16. I'm sorry

I just don't know what more to say.

Your interpretation of the tale simply cannot rationally be derived from it.

There is indeed a disconnect here, but it is between Twain as a writer of humour and the readers here who have no sense of the same.

[iverglas]

17. learnèd opinion

http://www.tnellen.com/06iths/spring/youth.html

"Advice to Youth" Mark Twain, 1882
Satire:
a literary tone used to ridicule or make fun of human vice or weakness, often with the intent of correcting or changing the subject of the satiric attack. There's so much more to learn about satire. Reading a master at the art of satire will be your next assignment. Mark Twain (1835-1910) wrote "Advice to Youth" in 1882.

Do read the entire essay that the bit in this thread is excerpted from. For example:

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any, also to strangers, and sometimes to others. If a person offend you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick. That will be sufficient. If you shall find that he had not intended any offense, come out frankly and confess yourself in the wrong when you struck him; acknowledge it like a man and say you didn’t mean to. Yes, always avoid violence; in this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.

http://www.tnellen.com/cybereng/19.html

Satire. A manner of writing that mixes a critical attitude with wit and humor in an effort to improve mankind and human institutions. Ridicule, irony, exaggeration, and several other techniques are almost always present. The satirist may insert serious statements of value or desired behavior, but most often he relies on an implicit moral code, understood by his audience and paid lip service by them. The satirist's goal is to point out the hypocrisy of his target in the hope that either the target or the audience will return to a real following of the code.

You may not agree with a satirist's message, Twain's here being that there are a lot of foolishly cautious people about, trying to spoil boys' fun. Undoubtedly, many people did not agree with Jonathon Swift when he wrote of the plight of the poor in Ireland, i.e. sought to draw attention to it and cause action to be taken on it by proposing that the children of the poor be eaten. It's still satire.

[tburnsten]

21. I should have read the whole thing

Though I still think that this particular section of it is at least partially serious. Humor is usually based on truth, and much of what he says in that section is comically true.


Ha, eating the children of the poor, that certainly would have helped the famine out wouldn't it?

[iverglas]

26. one down

Of course there is merit in all of it - obeying parents, going to bed early, not lying, etc. He was just stepping outside the grown-up perspective and seeing how utterly boring it all was. ;)

You've read Swift's Modest Proposal?

http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html

A Modest Proposal
For Preventing The Children of Poor People in Ireland
From Being A Burden to Their Parents or Country, and
For Making Them Beneficial to The Public
By Jonathan Swift (1729)

It's rather longer than Twain's piece.

[tburnsten]

27. I've needed to take some time off for reading

Good to get a nice list of essays together. Lately the only thing I've been reading has been Sphere. When class and all those awful briefings and meetings get out, I just want some Russian Lemonade, and maybe some Trailer Park Boys. a break will do me good.

[Raskolnik]

18. Iverglas, I respectfully suggest that you have entirely missed the point Twain was trying to make

"... you don’t have to have a rest, you don’t have to have any sights on the gun, you don’t have to take aim, even. No, you just pick out a relative and bang away, and you are sure to get him."

Get it? No, you AREN'T sure to get him, and people who say so are silly. THAT is what Twain is saying.

Whether one agrees with what he is saying or not. That is what he is saying.

No, I really don't think that is what Twain is saying at all. I believe he is pointing out the irony present in the all-too-often (even then) dumb accidents that happen when people carelessly handle firearms.


"A youth who can’t hit a cathedral at thirty yards with a Gatling gun in three quarters of an hour, can take up an old empty musket and bag his grandmother every time, at a hundred."

To which we would say today: NOT.

Bush was a good president. NOT.

Anybody can pick up an old unloaded musket and kill his grandmother. NOT.

Again, you are missing the intended satire. He is pointing out the irony of accidents occuring from actions that the participants couldn't hope to replicate if they were purposefully attempting to achieve those results, i.e. someone that couldn't hit a barn accidentally shooting his grandmother in a one in a million shot. That's ironic tragedy.

Is anybody at all getting it??

Some might be, Iverglas, but I don't think you've gotten a handle on this quite yet.

[iverglas]

19. I'm revising my opinion

but not of the meaning of Twain's SATIRICAL essay.

What, exactly, is SATIRICAL about your interpretation??

In order for your meaning to be conveyed, he would have had to be saying THE OPPOSITE of what he actually said, i.e. of the actual words and sentences he wrote.

The entire literary world identifies this essay as SATIRICAL. In order to understand the satire, we read what Twain actually wrote, not what we might wish he had written.

He clearly described a particular scenario, and mocked THAT scenario: that boys with old muskets can bag their grandmothers at 100 yards without trying; and that boys with old muskets could have defeated Napoleon without breaking a sweat, etc.

Your interpretation makes no sense AS SATIRE.

If Twain had wanted to write a cautionary tale about playing with old muskets, I think he could and would have done that.

Read the entire essay, linked in my previous post.

Being told I would be expected to talk here, I inquired what sort of talk I ought to make. They said it should be something suitable to youth-something didactic, instructive, or something in the nature of good advice. Very well. I have a few things in my mind which I have often longed to say for the instruction of the young; for it is in one’s tender early years that such things will best take root and be most enduring and most valuable. First, then. I will say to you my young friends—and I say it beseechingly, urgingly—

-- and he proceeds to offer a load of advice SATIRICALLY, intending THE OPPOSITE: always obey your parents, never lie, respect your superiors, go to bed and get up early, never handle firearms carelessly. All of the things that adults constantly tell children to do, and all of which he is MOCKING.

You can't extract one paragraph, one element of that series of pieces of advice, and say it is something different from all the others. It isn't.

[Raskolnik]

20. I believe your interpretation is incorrect.

Twain is satirizing the reality that accidents happen that are absurd on their face. It is absurd to think that a kid who couldn't hit a cathedral could accidentally kill his grandmother with a shot he couldn't hope to replicate.

That's an absurd reality, which is what Twain is satirizing.

[tburnsten]

22. Provided Napoleon's army was composed entirely of their relatives

"and that boys with old muskets could have defeated Napoleon without breaking a sweat, etc."

[X_Digger]

23. *gasp* I agree with iverglas??

It's _satire_ folks.

Twain's saying "oooh, look out for these rusty, evil, scary guns with no sights that are unloaded.. if you point one of these things at someone in the next county, you'll be 100% sure to kill them.."

He's making fun of the 'gun grabbers' of his day.

[Raskolnik]

24. To be fair to Iverglas and Mr. Twain (not necessarily in that order)

it is entirely possible that this Twain fella may have been capable of writing something that could be interpreted in more than one way.

But remember, if Twain was so smart, then why is he dead?

[iverglas]

25. which makes it - oops - ironic

He's making fun of the 'gun grabbers' of his day.

that the people saying

Watch out for semi-automatic rifles that are unloaded ... if a Democratic politician points one of those things at an audience, she'll be 100% sure to wipe out the whole lot of them.

are the people who use expressions like 'gun grabbers'.

No?

;)


oops. Did all that and forgot to actually complete the thought ...

[TheWraith]

30. I think everyone rather missed the point.

Yes, it's true that he's mocking people who are paranoid about guns, since absent human incompetance or malice, a gun is just a chunk of metal. But his overall point has to do with anecdotes, and the assumption that you can automatically draw guaranteed real-world experience from fifth-hand stories.

[iverglas]

31. did you read the entire essay?

I don't actually think that interpretation can be applied to the rest of it.

I honestly don't know what's so difficult about this.

He was entertaining some children by saying all the things adults aren't supposed to say, and mocking the things adults do say.

[TheWraith]

33. "mocking the things adults do say"

Like drawing conclusions from stories and anecdotes, being one of those things adults say.

[gorfle]

28. Yup.

It's satire, but I suspect the reason it's lost on many here is because firearm safety isn't funny - it's deadly serious. Musket or Gatling, what he describes is appalling, not humorous.

Personally, I hate satire. I tend to be very literal in what I hear, read, and say, and it annoys me to start off reading something and then find out it's (supposed to be) a joke. I'm continually annoyed for articles that show up on digg that turn out to be links to "The Onion", for example.

[iverglas]

29. so you didn't like this part either

Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any, also to strangers, and sometimes to others. If a person offend you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick. That will be sufficient. If you shall find that he had not intended any offense, come out frankly and confess yourself in the wrong when you struck him; acknowledge it like a man and say you didn’t mean to. Yes, always avoid violence; in this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.

Now, there may be a point to some of the comments in this thread. Twain maybe was really telling the kiddies to listen to their parents and grow up boring.

I do have to say it isn't the most coherent satire I've ever read. I think he was just going for the laughs.

[X_Digger]

34. Twain is an acquired taste..

You have to read in comedic timing to many of his speeches to really appreciate them. The art of the pregnant pause was his biggest tool :)

[gorfle]

35. No, I don't.

I think what annoys me about satire is the sense of wasting my time.

For example, I started reading the passage you quoted in earnest, as I read:

"Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any, also to strangers, and sometimes to others. If a person offend you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance..."

And then I get to:

"and hit him with a brick."

And find out this was all a farce. Then I have to go back and re-read the same sentence in a different context, trying to decipher what the guy was really trying to say. Why didn't he just come out and say what he really meant from the start? Why make a puzzle out of what you are trying to say? It annoys me.

[iverglas]

36. whereas me

I read your post

I think what annoys me about satire is the sense of wasting my time.

For example, I started reading the passage you quoted in earnest, as I read:

"Be respectful to your superiors, if you have any, also to strangers, and sometimes to others. If a person offend you, and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures; simply watch your chance..."

And then I get to:

"and hit him with a brick."

and that's where I break out in uncontrollable cackles.

Your comic timing is excellent. ;)


Here. I've just been procrastinating at the genealogy board, where a half-dozen of us were trying to persuade this poster that her family, whose name begins with "Ed", were really and truly the very family that appears in the censuses with a surname beginning with "Head". Because they lived in London and the enumerator thought they were dropping their haitches, and they were probably illiterate anyway. Like, their name was Edgehog and the enumerator thought they were saying Hedgehog. This poster just would not get it.

So I said ...

It's reminding me of a scrabble game I once played with my brother.

I made the word "ted" for some big combo of points, or to escape an impossible situation.
He looked askance, but didn't challenge it.
So his next word was "ed", and I did challenge it.

I knew from years of crossword puzzles that "ted" is something you do to hay.

But he wailed. How come I could say Ted and he couldn't say Ed??

Well, I said ......................


















because hay isn't edible.

HARHARHAR. I still crack up over that one.

[jody]

32. Perhaps off topic but Mark Twain captured my feelings in "The War Prayer".

The War Prayer
By Mark Twain

It was a time of great and exalting excitement. The country was up in arms, the war was on, in every breast burned the holy fire of patriotism; the drums were beating, the bands playing, the toy pistols popping, the bunched firecrackers hissing and sputtering; on every hand and far down the receding and fading spreads of roofs and balconies a fluttering wilderness of flags flashed in the sun; daily the young volunteers marched down the wide avenue gay and fine in their new uniforms, the proud fathers and mothers and sisters and sweethearts cheering them with voices choked with happy emotion as they swung by; nightly the packed mass meetings listened, panting, to patriot oratory which stirred the deepest deeps of their hearts and which they interrupted at briefest intervals with cyclones of applause, the tears running down their cheeks the while; in the churches the pastors preached devotion to flag and country and invoked the God of Battles, beseeching His aid in our good cause in outpouring of fervid eloquence which moved every listener.

It was indeed a glad and gracious time, and the half dozen rash spirits that ventured to disapprove of the war and cast a doubt upon its righteousness straightway got such a stern and angry warning that for their personal safety's sake they quickly shrank out of sight and offended no more in that way.

Sunday morning came-next day the battalions would leave for the front; the church was filled; the volunteers were there, their faces alight with material dreams-visions of a stern advance, the gathering momentum, the rushing charge, the flashing sabers, the flight of the foe, the tumult, the enveloping smoke, the fierce pursuit, the surrender!-then home from the war, bronzed heros, welcomed, adored, submerged in golden seas of glory! With the volunteers sat their dear ones, proud, happy, and envied by the neighbors and friends who had no sons and brothers to send forth to the field of honor, there to win for the flag or, failing, die the noblest of noble deaths. The service proceeded; a war chapter from the Old Testament was read; the first prayer was said; it was followed by an organ burst that shook the building, and with one impulse the house rose, with glowing eyes and beating hearts, and poured out that tremendous invocation -- "God the all-terrible! Thou who ordainest, Thunder thy clarion and lightning thy sword!"

Then came the "long" prayer. None could remember the like of it for passionate pleading and moving and beautiful language. The burden of its supplication was that an ever--merciful and benignant Father of us all would watch over our noble young soldiers and aid, comfort, and encourage them in their patriotic work; bless them, shield them in His mighty hand, make them strong and confident, invincible in the bloody onset; help them to crush the foe, grant to them and to their flag and country imperishable honor and glory -

An aged stranger entered and moved with slow and noiseless step up the main aisle, his eyes fixed upon the minister, his long body clothed in a robe that reached to his feet, his head bare, his white hair descending in a frothy cataract to his shoulders, his seamy face unnaturally pale, pale even to ghastliness. With all eyes following him and wondering, he made his silent way; without pausing, he ascended to the preacher's side and stood there, waiting.

With shut lids the preacher, unconscious of his presence, continued his moving prayer, and at last finished it with the words, uttered in fervent appeal,"Bless our arms, grant us the victory, O Lord our God, Father and Protector of our land and flag!"

The stranger touched his arm, motioned him to step aside -- which the startled minister did -- and took his place. During some moments he surveyed the spellbound audience with solemn eyes in which burned an uncanny light; then in a deep voice he said

"I come from the Throne-bearing a message from Almighty God!" The words smote the house with a shock; if the stranger perceived it he gave no attention. "He has heard the prayer of His servant your shepherd and grant it if such shall be your desire after I, His messenger, shall have explained to you its import-that is to say, its full import. For it is like unto many of the prayers of men, in that it asks for more than he who utters it is aware of-except he pause and think.

"God's servant and yours has prayed his prayer. Has he paused and taken thought? Is it one prayer? No, it is two- one uttered, the other not. Both have reached the ear of His Who hearth all supplications, the spoken and the unspoken. Ponder this-keep it in mind. If you beseech a blessing upon yourself, beware! lest without intent you invoke a curse upon a neighbor at the same time. If you pray for the blessing of rain upon your crop which needs it, by that act you are possibly praying for a curse upon some neighbor's crop which may not need rain and can be injured by it.

"You have heard your servant's prayer-the uttered part of it. I am commissioned by God to put into words the other part of it-that part which the pastor, and also you in your hearts, fervently prayed silently. And ignorantly and unthinkingly? God grant that it was so! You heard these words: 'Grant us the victory, O Lord our God!' That is sufficient. The whole of the uttered prayer is compact into those pregnant words. Elaborations were not necessary. When you have prayed for victory you have prayed for many unmentioned results which follow victory-must follow it, cannot help but follow it. Upon the listening spirit of God the Father fell also the unspoken part of the prayer. He commandeth me to put it into words. Listen!

"O Lord our Father, our young patriots, idols of our hearts, go forth to battle-be Thou near them! With them, in spirit, we also go forth from the sweet peace of our beloved firesides to smite the foe. O Lord our God, help us to tear their soldiers to bloody shreds with our shells; help us to cover their smiling fields with the pale forms of their patriot dead; help us to drown the thunder of the guns with the shrieks of their wounded, writhing in pain; help us to lay waste their humble homes with a hurricane of fire; help us to wring the hearts of their unoffending widows with unavailing grief; help us to turn them out roofless with their little children to wander unfriended the wastes of their desolated land in rags and hunger and thirst, sports of the sun flames of summer and the icy winds of winter, broken in spirit, worn with travail, imploring Thee for the refuge of the grave and denied it-for our sakes who adore Thee, Lord, blast their hopes, blight their lives, protract their bitter pilgrimage, make heavy their steps, water their way with their tears, stain the white snow with the blood of their wounded feet! We ask it, in the spirit of love, of Him Who is the Source of Love, and Who is ever-faithful refuge and friend of all that are sore beset and seek His aid with humble and contrite hearts. Amen.

(After a pause)

"Ye have prayed it; if ye still desire it, speak! The messenger of the Most High waits."

It was believed afterward that the man was a lunatic, because there was no sense in what he said.