Lunabush's Tuesday Bad Joke

[Wickerman]

Remember the rules. You must say nice things about my joke. That is all. Oh, and its almost Spring here in Minnesota so for those of us so inclined its almost fishing time.

FYI - the connection to Justice and Public Safety is that they went fishing, and fishing is sometimes associated with hunting, and hunting, is, naturally, often associated with gun ownership.


Once upon a time, long, long ago there was a Presidential election that was too close to call. Neither the Republican presidential candidate nor the Democratic presidential candidate had enough votes to win the election.

Therefore, it was decided that there should be an ice fishing contest between the two candidates to determine the final winner.

There was much talk about ballot recounting, court challenges, etc., but a week-long ice fishing competition seemed the (manly) way to settle things.

The candidate that catches the most fish at the end of the week wins. After a lot of back and forth discussion, it was decided that the contest would take place on a remote and cold lake in Wisconsin.

There were to be no observers present, and both men were to be sent out separately on this remote lake and return daily with their catch for counting and verification.

At the end of the first day, Kerry returns to the starting line and he has 10 fish. Soon, W. returns and has zero fish.

Well, everyone assumes he is just having another bad day or something and hopefully, he will catch up the next day. At the end of the 2nd day Kerry comes in with 20 fish and W. comes in again with none.

That evening, Dick Cheney gets together secretly with W. and says, "I think Kerry is a lowlife cheatin' son-of-a-gun.

I want you to go out tomorrow and don't even bother with fishing. Just spy on him and see if he is cheating in any way.

The next night (after Kerry comes back with 50 fish), Cheney says to Bush, "Well, what about it, is Kerry cheatin'?"

"He sure is, Dick, he's cutting holes in the ice."

[Superfly]

1. Let's see...nice things about the joke...

Actually, it was pretty good.

[MrBenchley]

2. Two guys go ice fishing...

And they start to cut a hole in the ice when a loud voice form above says "There are no fish under that ice."

So they move a little bit away and start cutting a hole, and again the voice says, "There are no fish under that ice."

So they move right out into the middle and start cutting a hole, and the voice says, "I told you! There are no fish under that ice!"

One of the fishermen says, "Is that you, Lord?"

And the voice says, "No. This is the manager of the skating rink."

[TX-RAT]

3. Kick him in the ice hole then steal the election

Well isn't that what W would have done? Sorry couldn't help myself.
Good joke

[MrBenchley]

4. I thought it was gonna be the joke

where the punch line is "warm bait."

[LynzM]

5. Nice

I kinda like that one :) Though I hope it won't be nearly so close!

[iverglas]

6. how many militant feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's not funny.

.

.

No, no -- not your joke, oh enlightened one! (*Your* joke was enormously entertaining.)

That *is* the joke. But only militant feminists are allowed to tell it.

.

.

If a man speaks in the forest and no woman is there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Now *that* one varies with the teller ... so of course *I* tell it out in the correct spirit, of solidarity.

.

[Wickerman]

7. Fine - then take this

I just got it from my wife, I don't know what it means, but I it might be a forboding that tonight, night 3 of tax week might not be my best evening of the week. :scared:



Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the
monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could
have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and
ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as
long as he could answer a very difficult question.
Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and,
if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be
put to death.

The question?....What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most
knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an
impossible query. But, since it was better than death,
he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an
answer by year's end.

He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone:
the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the
court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one
could give him a satisfactory answer.

Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for
only she would have the answer.

But the price would be high; as the witch was famous
throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she
charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no
choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer
the question, but he would have to agree to her price
first.

The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most
noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's
closest friend!

Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and
hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewerage,
made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered
such a repugnant creature in all his life.

He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure
such a terrible burden, but Lancelot, learning of the
proposal, spoke with Arthur.

He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to
Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered
Arthur's question thus:

What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in
charge of her own life.

Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch
had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would
be spared.

And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur
his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful
wedding.

The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling
himself for a horrific experience, entered the
bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most
beautiful woman he had ever seen, lay before him on
the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had
happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to
her when she appeared as a witch, she would
henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half
the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or
night?

Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a
beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at
night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or,
would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day,
but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy
wondrous, intimate moments?

What would YOU do?

What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice
before you scroll down below. OKAY?






Noble Lancelot, knowing the answer the witch gave
Arthur to his question, said that he would allow HER
to make the choice herself.

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be
beautiful all the time because he had respected her
enough to let her be in charge of her own life.

Now....what is the moral to this story?

The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her
own way....things are going to get ugly.

[damnraddem]

8. Nice things? How about these?

Laughed like hell.

Told the joke to coworkers, who laughed like hell.

Sent to joke to a peace & social justice list-serve.

Good enough? Nice enough?

[Wickerman]

9. Very nice

you should come to gungeon more often!

:P