Halloween Special

[DulceDecorum]

Today is Halloween.
Here is our very scary story.
But there is NOTHING to be afraid of.
http://www.rense.com/general21/ddz.htm

"I don't understand the state trying to ignore it," said Craig Quirolo, founder and director of Marine Projects for Reef Relief, an environmental watchdog group. "People are very concerned. We are getting a lot of calls in our office from backwater guides who are seeing the downside of this."
http://www.cdnn.info/eco/e020810/e020810.html

It all began, as many stories do, in the Middle East.

Once upon a time there was a very bad man called Saddam Hussein. He was president of a country called iraq which had a lot of oil. Saddam was very very selfish and although he knew that many people wanted the oil in his country - for free - he refused to give it to them.

Saddam made them pay lots and lots of money for the oil and when they complained, he just took away the oil wells and kept them for himself and the people of his country.
"Now we will always be rich, hahahahaha, " he laughed.
"The oil is our, all ours, ahahahaha."

And so the people who ran the big multinational oil companies were sad.
"What can we do to make hin change his mind?" they asked each other.
"I know, " said one henchman, "let's call up PSYOPS. They will help us."
And so the big oil companies went off to PSYOPS.

"Please help us get the oil away from Saddam" they said. "We think that the oil belongs to us. He is keeping it for himself and the people of his country. That is not fair. We want to take it away and we are not even going to charge him for transportation or drilling expenses. We will be happy to take it away for free. Everyone knows that it is not good to allow crude oil to stay in the ground where it can pollute everything. We are trying to clean up the whole country of Iraq but this bad man will not let us clean it up. We only want to help the environment. Can you help us?"

"OK, " said PSYOPS. "I will rescue the oil and your profits and I will teach Saddam a lesson. Just you wait and see."
And so the big oil companies sat back in their big black fat cat recliners to see what was going to happen next.
PSYOPS went to the Classified Library to do some reading. He found something very interesting in NSC 26/3, dated June 29, 1950.

http://www.bsos.umd.edu/sadat/publications/the_persian_gulf.htm

PSYOPS liked that document very very much but he wanted to know even more. So off he went to the Law Library where he came upon Diamond v. Chakrabarty. US Citation: 447 US 303 (1980).
http://www.oyez.org/oyez/resource/case/1125/

"Well, well, well,"said PSYOPS, "There's oil in them thar wells."
While PSYOPS was doing his research, Saddam was getting richer and richer and more and more powerful. And then Saddam started doing something that made everone mad at him.
"We should not sell very much oil," said Saddam. "We should only sell a little bit at a time. What are we going to do when it runs out?"
Saddam went to OPECand said that he was going to make trouble for anyone who went and sold a lot of oil. What a meanie!
"We need to do something and we need to do it NOW!" said the big oil companies.
"OK," said PSYOPS. "I know just the medicine. It is called Ad Dawah. Watch this."

Saddam Hussein found himself very busy over the next eight years and he did not have time to worry about how fast or how slowly the oil was being sold. But one day, he sat back and took a look at his oil wells. And Saddam became very angry. "Some of my oil is missing," he roared. "Who took it?"

Well, the oil was never Iraq's to start with, and so there was absolutely no reason for him to get so upset with the people in Kuwait who were drilling sideways to get at the oil on the other side of that stupid line called a border. But Saddam did not see it that way.

"Fee fi fo fum," shouted Saddam. "I smell the blood of an Englishman!"
"Oh piffles," said 10 Downing Street.

Saddam did not want to bite off more than he could chew so he sat down for a chat with a woman called April Catherine Glaspie, because, at the time, Saddam thought she was a lady.
Afterwards, Saddam chatted with General Norman Schwartzkopf who invited him to take part in a wargame. Saddam went along with the wargame and he was most upset when he found that the bullets and warheads being aimed at his army were real.
So he withdrew his army from the wargame. The Iraqi army soon arrived in the next world because they took the wrong turn onto the Highway of Death.
After this Saddam sat down and had an almightly big sulk.

The big oil companies called up Saddam.
"Now are you going to share the oil with us," they asked.
"No No No No No and No. NEVER!" yelled Saddam Hussein.
"OK," said the big oil companies, "let him have it. If we can't get it neither will he."
"Are you sure about that?" asked PSYOPS.
"YES!" shouted the big oil companies. "Don't let Saddam Hussein get his hands on the oil!"
"Very well, " said PSYOPS, "but remember it was YOUR idea."

And then PSYOPS went back to Kuwait and poured oil-eating bacteria down the oil wells.
"Now nobody will have the oil. If Saddam wants it, the only way he can get it back is by doing what we tell him to do.," said PSYOPS.

But Saddam did not see it that way.
"Hell if I care," said the old meanie.
"I told you once and I am telling you again: you are never going to get your hands on the oil of Iraq. If you want to save that oil then you had better put the antidote into the ground just the same way you stuck that oil-eating bacteria in there. Goodbye."
"Oh piffles," said 10 Downing Street. "What are we going to do now?"

"We need to get the bacteria out of there RIGHT THIS MINUTE," said PSYOPS. "It is eating up all the oil."
"But how?" moaned 10 Downing Street.
"Hell if I know, " said PSYOPS, and he went home.

"Bomb him," said the Air Force. "let's bomb him until he gives up and lets us get down there."
"Oh piffles," said 10 Downing Street.

Twelve years of daily bombing passed by.
Saddam STILL would not let them take over the oil wells. By now nobody was sure how much oil was left but that did not stop the Air Force from making sure that Saddam did not get to buy nice things for himself or the people of Iraq.

And then something happened that make it absolutely necessary to remove Saddam Hussein.

The Strategic Petroleum Reserve is a stockpile of oil in huge underground caverns along the Texas and Louisiana gulf coast.
"I don't quite know how to explain it sir," said the technician to his superior.
"It is almost as if something is eating the oil. It is simply disappearing. And we don't understand where it is going."

"There is nothing else we can do sir," said the PSYOPS. "We are simply going to have let the oil out into the sea."
"But, what are we going to say?"
"Nothing, " said PSYOPS. "We are going to say nothing."
"But everyone is going to see it floating out there."
"It won't be out there for long," said PSYOPS. "We have more oil eating bacteria that we will pour on it. It will simply disappear in a few weeks just like the big oils spills in the Persian Gulf disappeared when this all started. Besides it is not as if we have any choice in the matter."

********** ********** **********

At its peak in February, the darkened water covered an estimated 700 square miles north of the Florida Keys and west of the tip of the mainland.
And scientists are warning as their tests go on that they may never fully solve the mystery of the bloom they're seeing.
http://www.cnn.com/2002/TECH/science/04/02/black.water/
http://www.bradenton.com/mld/bradenton/2895142.htm
http://www.space.com/scienceastronomy/planetearth/blackwater_solved_020229.html


http://earthobservatory.nasa.gov/Newsroom/NewImages/images.php3?img_id=8259



Cellulitis and MRSA.
http://www.orckl.com/blackwater.html
http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/local/florida/orl-loclesions24102403oct24,0,967102.story?coll=sfla-news-florida
http://www.wfts.com/stories/2003/10/031028infection.shtml

Oooh, wasn't that a nice scary story?
Just remember, there is NOTHING to be afraid of.
http://www.rense.com/general21/ddz.htm

Happy Halloween.

[DulceDecorum]

1. To salt a mine

to artfully deposit minerals in a mine in order to deceive purchasers regarding its value.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=to%20salt%20a%20mine

Oil experts working for the United Nations found that some reservoirs in southern Iraq "may only have ultimate recoveries of between 15 percent and 25 percent of the total oil" in the field, as compared with an industry norm of 35 to 60 percent.

Before the United States-led invasion, the Iraqis sought outside help in managing its reservoirs. "Kirkuk was of particular concern and particular urgency," said Maury Vasilev, senior vice president of PetroAlliance Services, a Russian oil-field company that held discussions last year with Iraq's Oil Ministry. He said that because of the water content in the wells, "there was a question of how much oil they could recover."

More recent estimates of Kirkuk's condition are also bleak. Fadhil Chalabi, a former top Iraqi oil executive now based in London, said Kirkuk's expected recovery rate had dropped to 15 percent from 30 percent. An American oil executive said Iraqi engineers recently told him that they were now expecting recovery rates of 9 percent in Kirkuk and 12 percent in Rumaila without more advanced technology.

Iraq's problems were well known to the United States before the war. The Energy Infrastructure Planning Group, set up by senior Bush administration officials in September 2002 to plan for the oil industry in the event of war, learned that Iraq was reinjecting crude oil to maintain pressure in the Kirkuk field.

"Iraqis acknowledged it was a poor practice," said one administration expert involved with the group, and as the main war wound down, the Iraqis "were unequivocal that that practice had to stop and right away."

But it did not. The amount of oil being reinjected is now 150,000 to 250,000 barrels a day, down from as much as 400,000 barrels a day last summer, said Mr. McKee, but he added that he had never encountered such a practice in his long career in the oil industry.
http://www.nytimes.com/2003/11/30/international/middleeast/30OIL.html?pagewanted=2

[Bolo Boffin]

2. Too bad that oil being eaten by bacteria doesn't resemble algae at all.

The Florida dark water bloom was algae. The patented oil-eating substance was bacteria. These are two different phylums, but hey! At least they're both in the same kingdom!

Nevertheless, the black water in Florida could have nothing to do with a hypothetical quiet release of bacteria-contaminated oil in Texas. Such a spill would have been reported down the entire Gulf Coast, not just Florida.

So your story has no basis in reality. However, as a work of fiction, it's pretty illuminating. I love the way you portray the brutal thug-dictator as an Iraqi populist. You could almost believe that if he and his sons hadn't tortured and killed so much of the Iraqi populace. Still, your hero worship of Hussein is well-noted.

It's too bad that you buried an interesting hypothesis in all that crud, though. Oil-eating bacteria contamination from Kuwaiti drilling sounds like a perfectly reasonable idea. But Hussein could have easily exposed this method of contaminating the Iraqi oli fields. All he had to do was invite the UN to inspect the wells and test the oil. Even if BushCo claimed that Hussein did it himself, the UN might have gotten its dander up enough to stop the American invasion. It's a card that Hussein could have easily played, and since he didn't, another interesting angle from Dulce leads nowhere.

Enjoy your picture show.

[DulceDecorum]

3. Santa Claus arrested for immigration violation

Santa Claus is currently residing in a maximim security cell at an undisclosed location where he is being kept entertained by a full-contact, well-choreographed, high-voltage show, in the hope of convincing him to disclose the location of Saddam Hussein.
International agencies assisted in the capture of Claus who had been repeatedly warned about breeching US airspace.


http://www.noradsanta.org/

Just trying to keep the Boloman happy.



Incidentally Boloboffin,
seeing as how Saddam and his sons
"tortured and killed so much of the Iraqi populace"
how come there were so darn many left over
to be shocked and awed?

And how come the US had to
send in Ahmed Chalabi and his clowns
to play with the statute of Saddam Hussein
that was outside the journalist hotel in Baghdad?

Boloboffin said:
"Still, your hero worship of Hussein is well-noted."

Oh, izat so?
Let us take another look at Saddam's groupies.

You can hardly open an American newspaper these days without finding another "senior Republican" "breaking ranks" with President Bush over toppling Saddam: House Majority Leader Dick Armey, Senator Chuck Hagel, former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger, former National Security Advisor Brent Scowcroft, former Secretary of State Larry Eagleburger…
To hear The New York Times tell it, the entire Bush Sr administration except for Dad is out in the street chanting: "Hell, no, we won't go!", and it's only be a matter of time before Pop himself joins in ("Bush Says He Cannot Support Bush").
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml?xml=/opinion/2002/08/25/do2505.xml

MILLIONS of people the world over marched in protest of Operation Iraq Freedom.
http://www.wsws.org/articles/2003/apr2003/demo-a14.shtml
And it is VERY telling that when forced to choose between a man who was beaten up by a pretzel and one who who has been smeared by Hill and Knowlton, the people of this planet sided with the latter.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/ac2/wp-dyn/A10749-2002Jul27?language=printer

DulceDecorum does NOT support Saddam Hussein.
Never has, never will.
But DulceDecorum is ADAMANT about the need to respect national sovereignity.
http://www.historyhouse.com/uts/westphalia/

As the left's new pet, Henry No-Longer-a-War-Criminal Kissinger, put it: "Regime change as a goal for military intervention challenges the international system established by the 1648 Treaty of Westphalia. ... And the notion of justified pre-emption runs counter to modern international law, which sanctions the use of force in self-defense only against actual, not potential, threats."
http://www.anncoulter.org/columns/2002/082102.htm
http://www.manilatimes.net/national/2002/aug/11/top_stories/20020811top6.html

Now I don't expect the relatives and supporters of Neil Bush,
(neo-bank robberextraordinare)
to comprehend that there is something fundamentally wrong in the maxim
"Kick his ass, take his gas."
But then again, neither will my voice be lifted up in lamentation when these "millionaires" discover that all their wealth has evaporated with the deimise of the NYSE.
What I am saying is this,
the next time a man goes into a bank and makes a pre-emptive strike against unfair bank fees,
all those Americans against him brand themselves as hypocrites and supporters of terror-banking.

Now, if you take the view that the hold-up man should be tried in a court of law,
then you are one who implicitly supports the International Court at the Hague.

However, if you are part of a gang of thieves,
it can be understood why you and your associates
would seek to prevent justice from being brought to bear
against any one of you.

And speaking of rescuing someone from the clutches of the Justice Department,
who here is willing to help me spring Santa?
Father Daniel Beernaert need not reply.
http://www.expatica.com/source/site_article.asp?subchannel_id=48&story_id=2742