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(please excuse the re-post, but it looks like it's gonna come true...)
The bus to Crawford is filling up – everyone on board?
As we leave D.C. for the last time let’s double-check and make sure everyone is on board.
I see George is already seated, playing video games and eating pretzels. That’s good – he should stay quiet the whole time, although I wish he’d wipe his mouth. Aunt Condi is right next to him –glad to see she’s ready to go too. I don’t understand why she’s all dressed up, but at least she’s here. I’ve made a note that she’s requested “Basic Instinct” as the featured film for our trip home.
Laura’s getting on now – had to sneak a quick couple of drags out behind the wheel well. The bathrooms are no smoking on this trip, much to her chagrin. Right behind her are the twins. They’ve got window seats so they can wave goodbye to the swarthy looking older gentleman pointing to page 23 of the latest Victoria’s Secret catalog. Oh those darn girls!
It looks like – wait - hey, you! No animals allowed. You’ll have to leave the goat. What? I don’t care if it’s a pet – rules are rules.
Here comes the VP now – looks mad. It seems as if he has several seats on the bus picked out for himself, and whenever anyone sits in one he changes seats and tells the occupant to “go f#*k himself.” Not nice Dick – pick your seat and stay there. His wife Lynn has already found her seat, and is reading a very interesting novel about (Lynn’s words) “friendly women”. Per Dick, their daughter Mary has opted to take a different bus, but they love her anyway.
Here comes Paul Wolfowitz – we already know what seat he’ll be sitting in. It’s covered in saliva. Ewwww. Little Donny Rumsfeld is almost on board, and will sit next to Paul. First off, though, he has to check the bus for weapons of mass destruction. That Saddam fellow is one tricky character!
John Ashcroft is sitting by himself, and has the entire row of seats covered in burlap, because they all look like very pointy breasts. John is an odd one, that’s for sure.
Karen Hughes has just sat down, carrying a resume and the address for Sinclair Broadcasting. She is reading “Pharmaceuticals: Fact or Fiction”, and seems to have developed a cold, for she is sniffling a lot. Also, her jaw muscles are clenched shut.
Karl Rove has been sitting in the front row all the time, but he is very quiet, so we didn’t notice him. He is holding a Bible in one hand and keeps muttering “Swift boats, Swift boats” under his breath. He has what looks like a tread mark from an airplane wheel on his blazer.
Richard Perle quietly sneaks in, and then goes to the back of the bus and blows himself up. No one notices. Paul Bremer takes his seat. No one notices that, either.
Finally - late as always - here comes Colin. He’s a bit embarrassed, because he told the entire world that he had pictures of the bus, but he really didn’t. Also, no one told him where the bus was, so he had a heck of a time finding it. He’ll be sitting way in the back, playing solitaire.
Well, looks like we’ve got a full bus, so it’s on to Texas! Enjoy the ride everyone, and take a long look at our nations capital as we pull away. It’s going to be a real long time before any of us see it again.
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