What about "Kerik: The Movie"

[zulchzulu]

Granted the ending of the movie isn't done yet, but it sure would make a great movie.

His mom was a hooker, Part Mob, part polygamy, part 9/11, part orgies with Guiliani*, part visits with Bush, part Iraq War, part Bush/Cheney 2004 campaign backroom screwing, part Saudi beheading participation....it's pretty endless.

I suggest Edward Norton as Kerik. Lose the hair, add some wrinkles.


Sean Penn-Guiliani
Tim Robbins-Jeb Bush
Kevin Bacon-John Ashcroft
Laurence Fishburne-Colin Powell
Marcia Gay Harden-Laura Bush
Laura Linney-Kerik loveslave
Emmy Rossum-Kerik loveslave
Halle Berry-Condi
Denzel Washington-Saudi poopah
Jack Nicholson-US General
James Gandolfini-Mob boss

Any ideas?

[prof_science]

1. Great!

Let me be the first in line to NOT go see it :P

[eaprez]

2. would have to be on cable...the republican touted V chip....

...would take it out of the network line up in their homes.

[Gothmog]

3. Make it a comedy instead

Retitle it "A funny thing happen on the way to confirmation"

[zulchzulu]

4. Of course it will be a comedy!

Especially when Rudy gets chased by Bush's hunting dogs in Crawford...

[zulchzulu]

5. Sludge revealing Kerik had lovenest facing 9/11 pit

No need to go there:

"An apartment near the World Trade Center site that former Police Commissioner Bernard B. Kerik used to engage in an extramarital affair with publisher Judith Regan, was originally donated for the use of weary police and rescue workers who were helping after 9-11! One bedroom faced the pit of ground zero... Regan would visit it while Kerik was police commissioner, meaning between Sept. 11 and Dec. 31, 2001. Kerik refused to answer any questions Tuesday regarding the apt... NYT planning coverage..."

If this ain't freaking great comedy film, I don't know what is.

Forget Ed Norton as the lead. It's Jack Black!



Lose the hair...work out a little..bingo!

[GRLMGC]

6. oooh

It'll be hot and by hot I mean vomit inducing.

[zulchzulu]

7. Music theme would be a rip-off of the Kojak theme

http://www.tv-timewarp.co.uk/midi_files/Kojak.mid

Kerik mentioned at one point that he wanted to be like Kojak.


Kojak


Kerik with dishwater blonde quickie after janitorial closet tryst

[blackangrydem]

8. The guy who played "Major Dad" would make a great Kerik.

Gerald McRaney?

[Nordic]

9. Oliver Stone, 20 years from now

could be interesting.

Or a Don DeLillo novel.

But no, I think the movie deal is in turnaround.

You realize there WAS a movie deal, didn't you?

[zulchzulu]

10. The original movie deal probably has been um...cancelled.

Actually the script is so bizarre that even Stone wouldn't be able to do it. But, man, it would be a fun movie to write.