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In the first major development under California's recent voter-approved initiative to support stem cell research, it was announced that U.S. Senator Barbara "Backbone" Boxer has donated stem cells and researchers are now making significant progress in growing new spines for Democrats.
Since Boxer's lone stand in favor of real democracy on January 6, Democrats have cast increasing numbers of votes against Secretary of Crusade Justification nominee Condiliar Rice and Attorturer General nominee "Abu" Gonzales. Some are even standing up to corporate media shills on television talk shows and acting as if real mathematics should be allowed in Social Security and budget planning.
Reaction from Republicans has been swift and harsh. Senate Republican leader Bill Frist said, "This demonstrates the wisdom of President Bush's policy to limit stem cell research to lines contaminated with mouse genes. Democrats with mouse spines would represent no threat to the Vaterl-- er, homeland -- but Democrats with fully human spines are a serious threat. Next thing they'll be wanting a seat at the table instead of a bowl of Milkbones on the floor."
Sinclair Broadcasting announced that it will require all its stations to broadcast 24 hours a day a Swift Boat Liars documentary in which they claim, "We were there in the operating room with Barbara Boxer when she supposedly donated stem cells, and the truth is that she didn't donate any cells. Any claims of spines in Democrats are just plain lies."
Pharisee Coalition founder Pat Robertson commented, "First they were murdering children, practicing witchcraft, destroying capitalism, and becoming lesbians, and now this. It's an abomination to the Lord for Democrats to have spines, and I'm praying to God that He kills them soon. Oops, I mean I'm praying that he'll lead them to resign soon."
Cartoon slasher James Dobson opined, "If God had wanted Democrats to have spines, He would have given them spines." And cartoon character Donald Wildmon mumbled something incoherent about dirty sex.
Former lifeline shill on the hit series "Who Wants To Be A President?" Jeff ("limp question") Gannon Guckert Whatthefreak declined comment, saying that he is now devoting all his time and energy to hotmilitarystudsforyoungrepublicanchickenhawks.com.
Professional liar Brit Hume of Foney News reported that during the darkest days of World War II, Franklin Roosevelt said, "We have nothing to fear but Barbara Boxer stem cells."
Wingnut commentator Rush Limpbrain summed up the general Republican reaction: "I need another OxyContin."
Among Republicans, only Karl Rove and Wally O'Dell of DESS (Diebold Election Stealing Systems) seemed undisturbed by the reports. Said O'Dell, "Our central tabulating computers are far faster than their stem cells, and I guarantee we'll deliver every state for Jeb Bush in 2008."
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