Ashcroft wants to be Poet Laureate - pays $35 thou for 7 mos.

[donsu]

http://swiftreport.blogs.com/news/2005/02/next_up_for_ash.html


Next up for Ashcroft: Poet Laureate?

Former Attorney General John Ashcroft is a top contender to become the next Poet Laureate of the United States, say insiders. But the man who penned “Let the Eagle Soar” faces a stiff challenge from the favored candidate of conservative Christians: Roy Moore, former Alabama chief justice, and the author of “Our American Birthright.”

Some poets balk at idea of appointing a ‘one-poem’ poet

-snip-

But sources close to Ashcroft say that he has his eye on a very different prize these days: he wants to be the nation’s next top bard, otherwise known as the Poet Laureate Consultant in Poetry to the Library of Congress. Were Ashcroft to succeed in landing the coveted post, the man often criticized for being a Bush administration “lightening rod” would have an opportunity to be an official lightning rod: for the poetic impulse of Americans.

It’s the job of the Poet Laureate, who serves for seven months and receives a $35,000 stipend, to raise the national consciousness to a greater appreciation of the reading and writing of poetry.

-snip-

Ashcroft’s poetry credentials are based largely on the strength of a single verse, a lyric-ode hybrid entitled “Let the Eagle Soar.” Fans of the former attorney general praise his skillful use of masculine syllable endings and strong end rhymes in “Eagle,” placing him in the tradition of Longfellow, Byron, even Francis Scott Key. President Bush sent a signal of his strong support for Ashcroft’s candidacy by making “Eagle” a centerpiece of his swearing-in ceremony in January. Guy Hovis, a Mississippi native and long-time performer on “The Lawrence Welk Show,” performed the lyric ode.
-snip-
-------------------------------


however, the top candidate is Roy Moore who wrote a poem titled: Our American Birthright

final words: "Slokum and others complain that position of Poet Laureate has too often been meted out on the basis of political correctness, rather than the righteousness of the poetry."

aaarrrggghhh - save us from 'righteous poetry'

actually this is a poetry slap in the face.

[Ready4Change]

1. One Poem qualifies one for the post of the USA's head poet?

Hell, I've written poems, and they were simplistic junk like what these two guys wrote.

And I could actually USE the $35,000!

[jpgray]

2. Blagh. First Billy Collins and now this. (nt)

[sellitman]

3. Prediction

Asscroft will loose to a dead man.

:evilgrin:

[MADem]

17. Probably the one who wrote the poem that started out

Here I sit in stinky vapor;
Someone stole the toilet paper...!

[Demit]

4. Oh for pity's sake, they've debased every other honor in this country

Why not poet laureate? Sure, let Ashcroft have it. When they read about this ridiculous period in US history, this will just be another hysterically funny example of it.

[noamnety]

5. This IS satire, right?

good lord, someone please tell me this is like the Borowitz report.

[Guaranteed]

6. I've got a poem for Ashcroft and Moore: Roses are red, violets are blue,

Lick my nuts, you fascist pigs.

[demwing]

8. No strong end rhymes

But the "lick my nuts" line is definitely masculine.

Maybe you could be the Poet Laureate, Loon...whaddya say?

[Guaranteed]

14. Well, I definitely like mine better than Moore's.

That thing was some of the most anti-American garbage I've ever seen.

[ClayZ]

25. You are Hired

I have not laughed that hard in a month! Thanks, you poet you!

[Evergreen Emerald]

9. you are funny

I laughed till I cried.

[w4rma]

7. What a sychophantic hero worshiper. (nt)

[elehhhhna]

10. Here's Moore's poem

OUR AMERICAN BIRTHRIGHT
by Chief Justice Roy Moore


One nation under God was their cry and declaration,
Upon the law of Nature's God they built a mighty Nation.
For unlike mankind before them who had walked this earthen sod,
These men would never question the Sovereignty of God.


That all men were "created" was a truth "self-evident,
To secure the rights God gave us was the role of government.
And if any form of government became destructive of this end,
It was their right, their duty, a new one to begin.


So with a firm reliance on Divine Providence for protection,
They pledged their sacred honor and sought His wise direction .
They lifted an appeal to God for all the world to see,
And declared their independence forever to be free.


I'm glad they're not here with us to see the mess we're in,
How we've given up our righteousness for a life of indulgent sin.
For when abortion isn't murder and sodomy is deemed a right,
Then evil is now called good and darkness is now called light.


While truth and law were founded on the God of all Creation,
Man now, through law, denies the truth and calls it "separation".
No longer does man see a need for God when he's in full control,
For the only truth self-evident is in the latest poll.


But with man as his own master we fail to count the cost,
Our precious freedoms vanish and our liberty is lost.
Children are told they can't pray and they teach them evolution.
When will they learn the fear of God is the only true solution.


Our schools have become the battleground while all across the land,
Christians shrug their shoulders afraid to take a stand.
And from the grave their voices cry the victory has been won
Just glorify the Father as did His only Son.


When your work on earth is done ,and you've traveled where we've trod,
You'll leave the land we left to you, One Nation Under God!


(C) Chief Justice Roy Moore

[Guaranteed]

13. I'm going to vomit. nt

[donsu]

11. poets can't take this lying down - time for a poet off

who has the better righteous poet/poem? the dark side or the light?

who gets the 35 thou?

(debates on what's righteous can begin now)

[elehhhhna]

12. Barf Alert! Here's Asscroft's entry:

"Let the eagle soar,

Like she’s never soared before.

From rocky coast to golden shore,

Let the mighty eagle soar.

Soar with healing in her wings,

As the land beneath her sings:

'Only god, no other kings.'

This country’s far too young to die.

We’ve still got a lot of climbing to do,

And we can make it if we try.

Built by toils and struggles

God has led us through."

[anakie]

15. very Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

n/t

[sleipnir]

16. Unmmmm...Sarcasm certainly is lost on many here.

Guess what? It's a parody website, with funny satirical articles.


You'd think that some people here would click through and investigate on such a bizarre and unlikely story.


Wake up, it's funny article and not real

[bgb217]

18. ???

Okay, I don't want to sound stupid, but I better ask the question now before I stay in the dark any longer.... all of this is fake? (I didn't click on the link till I read your post, sleipnir) So no Ashcroft consideration, or that Moore guy?
The only reason I was believing this stuff is that it just seemed another kooky immoral lunacy of the Bush admin.

[sleipnir]

23. Yeah...it's a fake....

Sorry for replying so late, but I thought you should know.


It's all fake, like the real news!

[xxqqqzme]

24. it does not detract from BullGooseLooney's

fantastically funny post. I haven't laughed that hard in days!

[MADem]

19. Cut them some slack

...we're all somewhat traumatized with all that has happened during the last four years. Some people get hypervigilant as a result. When you are under constant attack, you tend to shoot first, ask questions later. Sadly, we also see that with these youngsters in uniform over in Iraq--the only motivation is to stay alive and live to fight another day.

You lose your ability to discern, and you definitely lose your sense of humor...life just isn't funny anymore for many people.

GOP trauma, ain't it a bitch!

[noamnety]

20. I thought a CNN transcript was a parody yesterday

But it turned out to be real. So hard to tell nowadays. :D

[Book Lover]

21. Gosh, fella, don't *do* that

I fell for this for a few minutes... I need a strong cup of tea to recover!

[The Flaming Red Head]

22. Byron would tell Ashcroft to bend over

So he could see what a really big stick feels like.

[quaker bill]

26. I bet they do it.

I can't wait for John Stewart's take on this. The comedic possibilities are nearly endless.

[PurityOfEssence]

27. What is this clown, the Jethro Bodine of high art?

Perhaps "poetaster laureate" is open...

Now, before you remind me that Jethro, although dim and earnest, was a nice person, I'd like to remind you that Johnny is actually very sincere in his delusional extremes.

What kind of crap is this? A poet laureate is someone who's been a poet for a very long time and has the stuff of music in his soul. That's what it's about. You don't queer the pitch and try to push some doggerel through to "qualify"; that's a position that takes a lifetime to earn, because it's about a life, not a work of art.