LMAO!! I got this email called 'In Defense of Biblical Marriage' BRILLIANT

[dhinojosa]

Be sure to check out the quote below.....


Subject: IN DEFENSE OF BIBLICAL MARRIAGE

The Presidential Prayer Team is currently urging us to "Pray for the
President as he seeks wisdom on how to legally codify the definition of
marriage. Pray that it will be according to Biblical principles. With
many forces insisting on variant definitions of marriage, pray that
God's Word and His standards will be honored by our government."

So here -- in support of the Prayer Team's admirable goals -- is a
proposed Constitutional Amendment codifying marriage ENTIRELY ON
BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES:

A. Marriage in the United States shall consist of a union between one man
and one or more women.
(Gen 29:17-28 and II Sam 3:2-5)

B. Marriage shall not impede a man's right to take concubines in addition
to his wife or wives.
(II Sam 5:13 and I Kings 11:3 and II Chron 11:21)

C. A marriage shall be considered valid only if the wife is a virgin. If
the wife is not a virgin, she shall be executed.
(Deut 22: 13-21)

D. Marriage of a believer and a non-believer shall be forbidden.
(Gen. 24:3 and Num 25:1-9 and Ezra 9:12 and Neh 10:30)

E. Since marriage is for life, neither this Constitution nor the
constitution of any State shall be construed to permit divorce.
(Deut 22:19 and Mark 10:9)

F. If a married man dies without children, his brother shall marry the
widow. If he refuses to marry his sister-in-law, or deliberately does
not give her children, he shall pay a fine of one shoe and be otherwise
punished in a manner to be determined by law.
(Gen 38:6-10 and Deut 25:5-10)


************************************************************************

"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and
more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and
glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire
at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron."

H.L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

[bush_is_wacko]

1. LOL, Did you send him this?

BTW, Looks like my 20 year marriage is invalid on SEVERAL of these counts. Does that mean i will get a state sponsored divorce and a firing squad? My husband has taken NO concubines and I have EXPLICITLY forbidden him from doing so. We lived together for 4 years BEFORE we got married so the virgin thing is, well let's just say I guess stoning is in order! My husband doesn't have a brother to marry me if he dies and as much as I like my brother in law, I'd rather have his shoe!

I am a terrible wife I know!

[GOPBasher]

7. LOL good responses! n/t

[DireStrike]

2. "ONE SHOE" LOL!!

Amazing.

[4morewars]

3. There was another e-mail like this...

It was a list of old testament laws that prescribed such things as being stoned to death for wearing polyester. A lot of stuff from Leviticus, really funny also. I wish i could find it !

:hi:

[soleft]

6. Just google letter to Dr. Laura

[4morewars]

38. Thank You !

That was it !

[Contrary1]

11. I haven't seen the words

"polyester" and "stoned" used in the same sentence since the early 70's.

Guilty on both counts.

[4morewars]

37. LMAO !!!!!!!!

Now, THAT was funny !!!!

[demjuli]

4. Love it! LMAO

:headbang:

[welshTerrier2]

5. beautiful !!

thanks for the chuckle ...

what a bunch of sickos making you marry your sister-in-law ...

[Ian David]

10. We should hold up cards with those verse numbers at football games

How about:

George W. Bush
Peter 2:16


Or maybe:

Anne Coulter
Peter 2:22


For more suggestions, visit:
http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com


Or maybe:

Bob Dole
Leviticus 21:20

[welshTerrier2]

21. too funny, Ian

we should probably include the actual words rather than just the location in the Bible ... i never have a clue what any of those numbers mean ...

[Ian David]

24. Thanks, but half the fun is making them open their bibles and look for it

[Guaranteed]

8. So, if your soon-to-be-wife isn't a virgin by your own deeds,

do you still have to execute her? :P

Not that my girlfriend applies here...I wasn't the first, I know.

[Ian David]

25. If she's raped in the country, she's innocent.

If a woman is raped in the city, she's supposed to be stoned to death.

The reason being, I guess, is that in a city she could have screamed for help.

http://www.skepticsannotatedbible.com/dt/22.html
22:23 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; (22:23-24) City Rape
If a woman is raped in the city and doesn't cry out loud enough, the men of the city must stone her to death.

Rape
22:24 Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city; and the man, because he hath humbled his neighbour's wife: so thou shalt put away evil from among you.
22:25 But if a man find a betrothed damsel in the field, and the man force her, and lie with her: then the man only that lay with her shall die.

If a woman is raped in the country, then only the man shall die (since there was no one to hear her if she cried out.)
22:26 But unto the damsel thou shalt do nothing; there is in the damsel no sin worthy of death: for as when a man riseth against his neighbour, and slayeth him, even so is this matter:
22:27 For he found her in the field, and the betrothed damsel cried, and there was none to save her.

22:28 If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; (22:28-29)

If a man rapes an unbetrothed virgin, he must pay her father 50 shekels of silver and then marry her.
22:29 Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel's father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.

[bush_is_wacko]

29. I wonder how many women MUTILATED their rapist spouses over this!

Men back then must have been missing essential body parts by the millions!

It is with this in mind that I say there is no way this would work in this society.

Have I persuaded any men?

[GOPBasher]

9. That's funny, but don't give Falwell any ideas.

[Jacobin]

12. A Keeper

[MemphisTiger]

13. LOL! concubines rock

:toast:

[liberalitch]

17. Do they have pointy spines?

Oh, that's a porcupine.... never mind

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

14. from www.whitehouse.org

http://www.whitehouse.org/dof/marriage.asp


http://www.whitehouse.org/dof/marriage.asp

[ktowntennesseedem]

16. Even Better!!!!! LMFAO all over again!!!!!

[liberalitch]

18. as an aggressive and contentious woman....

I want states to force same sex rapists to marry each other

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

20. LMAO! n/t

[bush_is_wacko]

22. Oh crap! I'm in big trouble!

Amendments XXXV, and XXXX are my DEATH sentence! anyone know a good place to hide from the stoning squad?

BTW, apparently MEN can't get married. According to Amendment XXIII only men that have NEVER had sexual thoughts about a woman other than their wife can be married? My husband says anything that has breasts makes him think of sex. I guess we'll have to hide together! he is such a sinner! Well at least he's been castrated! Of course he did give me a son and as much as I'd like to believe otherwise I'm pretty sure he has his dad's fetish with breasts! Oh and we won't EVEN discuss my daughter. She thinks women can do anything they damn well please and has no intention of marrying ANY man who thinks otherwise. If her mother and grandmother are any indication she'll rule the roost.

I am being a little sarcastic BTW, I do allow my husband to leave the house with his balls attached on a regular basis!

[Nordmadr]

27. That is whitehouse.org not whitehouse.gov N/T

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

32. ummm thats what i said...n/t

[Nordmadr]

40. Just wanted to be sure people knew this was not from the actual

government site, that's all.

Peace.
Olaf

[MadAsHellNewYorker]

41. ahh...sorry if i seemed hostile...didn't mean to be

[ktowntennesseedem]

15. Gonna send it to James Dobson!!!!!

[reichstag911]

19. ¡Amigo!

Nice signature line.
:p

[Zuni]

23. Is this for real?

Did some one actually send this or is this a joke?

[dhinojosa]

26. Nah, I was sent this

They weren't serious though, look at the quote on the bottom.

[Shredr]

28. Hilarious post

I also love the quote at the bottom.

[donheld]

30. Presidential Prayer Team?? how about the Presidential Preyer team

These people can't really expect us to believe they talk to god. They are far to busy preying on the poor of the world to spend any time with a supreme being. I'd bet * doesn't even know the difference between "pray" and "prey."

[greenmutha]

31. I'm sending it to KO...

He will love this! :loveya:

[DU GrovelBot]

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[methinks2]

34. Thanks for that beaut.

You could add the one about a rapist having to marry the women he rapes. Deuteronomy 22:28) Oh he also has to pay the girls father 50 shekels of silver. Since she's ruined and not suitable for marriage anywhere else after being raped.

And if he finds a captive woman that he fancies he can take her home, shave her head, take her clothes, and after a month he can have her,just like husband and wife, but if she doesn't please him, he can just let her go. Since she's from another people he doesn't have to officially marry her and divorce her. Just let her go. Did you catch that? Since she's a foreigner he can just use her and let her go.(Deuteronomy 21:10-14)

[mzmolly]

35. Oh man, that's goood!

:hi:

[Misunderestimator]

36. Love the Mencken quote!

[Jamastiene]

39. Ever wonder

why they say gay people would destroy the institution of marriage if we ever got the right to get married, yet even though it isn't legal yet for us to get married, the divorce rate is already above 50%? That would make it seem like straight people are doing a fine job of destroying the institution of marriage without us. Odd, huh?