Scotty McClellan and his podium (v2)

[socal_dan]

I collected actual quotes from Scott McClellan and interspersed them with dialogue I've created to create a pretend converstaion between he and I - where he'd answer some questions of national interest. All quotes from "Me" are fictional. All quotes from McClellan are exact, although, not necessarily in this order:

Me: Scotty, how are we going to solve this war?

Scotty: I think we're trying to resolve this from this podium

Me: How will the podium resolve this war?

Scotty: I don't have an update from this podium.

Me: Does the podium talk to you but only you can hear it, uh, him?

Scotty: Well, again, from this podium, I don't want to get into negotiations

Me: Well, why's what the podium says so important, Scotty?

Scotty: You're asking me to speculate about things from this podium.

Me: Well, yes, that's true. What, is the podium some kind of a god or something?

Scotty: From this podium, you have made that link. And I don't want to try to preview that meeting from this podium. And nor am I, from this podium, getting into those questions.

Me: Well, it's just a plain old wooden podium, man.

Scotty: There was bullet-proof glass in front of the podium

Me: Well, ok. Back to the Iraq war. So, uhm, what do you, uhm. When does the podium think it will end?

Scotty: In terms of what he said in his comments, and what I've reiterated from this podium. I don't have more details to update you from at this podium

Me: So, uhm, no end in site to the Iraq war. What of Osama bin Laden?

Scotty: Breaking news from the podium when I haven't had a chance to look at it myself. But I'm not announcing any nations from this podium at this point.

Me: Ah, well, yeah, wouldn't want him to know we'd found the right spot, ay, Scotty? I mean, uh, ay, podium? Uhm, ay, his holiness the podium?

Scotty: You said from that podium that you're looking for safe investments. We're not going to get into negotiating from this podium. I'm not prepared to discuss that with those countries from this podium.

Me: Very well. So, well, maybe you should get a girlfriend instead of, well, his holiness the podium!


Scotty: There were no women on the podium. I'm just not going to dignify them from this podium. I'm not going to do it from this podium. I'm not having those discussions from this podium.

Me: Well, I do hope the podium let's you do that someday.

Scotty: I've just heard about this report from this podium! I first stepped up to this podium - to get into discussion any military operations or planning from this podium, The message to the Iraqi people from this podium is, in most of your country it's okay, go vote! I think I've described the President's views from this podium.

Me: Did the president say that? Or the podium says the president said that?

Scott: We don't discuss intelligence matters from the podium.

Me: Well, Scotty, thank you very much for your time. Oh, and, podium, thank you as well :)

[bejammin075]

1. Umm, Scotti, that's quite a podium you got there...

Is that a suspicious bulge in your podium??

[SpiralHawk]

2. "Well that dashing Jeff Gannon just popped a Big Journalist Question,

so you can't blame my Bush White House podium for getting excited." - Scottie

[frictionlessO]

3. He's a "podiphile"....

Sick twisted and in need of an ankle tracker. House arrest while we await your trial hypocrite!!