More tears... Will they ever stop?

[MojoXN]

I can't hold on... This is killing me, literally. I cry and I cry and I cry. I can't got to school without crying, I can't go to work. I can't look anyone in the eye. I feel so goddamn guilty. And I don't know quite why. I didn't lose anyone in New Orleans, that I knmow of. I didn't have my home destroyed. I'm safe and sound on dry land. And yet I cry, I weep, I mourn. I don't know how or if I'm going to make it through this. I know that I have it good in comparison, it's not me that I weep for... It's my people. All of them. I honestly think that this hurricane was the death of America. So many dead, so many without anything that they can call their own. I can't cry anymore, and I can't do anything to make this right. Will it be like this forever? Will it?

MojoXN

[hwmnbn]

1. It's called compassion.......

It's a hopeful sign because you are feeling the suffering of others. In your case you are feeling it very deeply. It reflects a strong sense of humanity that is inside you.

Your post has touched me and I'm sure many others with its honest simple eloquence. So you've already done something to make things better.

All I can say is you are not alone. We are all in it together. I don't know if this helps but I hope so.:grouphug:

[Mikimouse]

2. If they stop, you should worry...

It is the ability to put yourself in the 'shoes' of others that makes you a compaasionate human. :grouphug:

[CountAllVotes]

3. you are not alone

it that helps any. I'm still crying and I don't live anywhere near the gulf. It makes me sad and sick to see how America's own people have been treated by the powers that are in charge. Maybe that is why I cry. Maybe I cry because I feel so damn powerless perhaps?

I grieve for those that have died and I see far more death to come from this horrific event. That makes me cry even more. So no, you are not alone my friend. :hug:

:kick:

[fooj]

4. I can't stop, either.

:cry:

[calimary]

6. Me, too. Every time I start reading some article or editorial describing

what some of these people have endured, just trying to survive, and how awful it is, while ASSHOLE sat on his duff. Maybe expecting his good pal, Jesus, to pop in from overhead and just wave His hands and part the waters and make it all okay for his miscreant little brother george. It's JUST HORRENDOUS.

Been crying a lot. And eating WAY too much chocolate... :(

[CountAllVotes]

8. yeah me too w/the eating

I've been eating a lot too; tons of dark chocolate all of last week. I had to go for my "physical" last week. I did not care about my damn weight! I have been so sad and devastated as my mother was born in Shreveport - god she'd be so devastated I keep thinking if she was still alive.

So, I go to the stupid idiot doctor (and yeah they are all idiots for the most part IMO) and the doctor yells at me, "You've gained weight!" I said in reply, "Yeah, that does not surprise me, I have been eating A LOT!"

:grr:

Some people never "get" it do they?

:kick:

[MojoXN]

9. "Some people never "get" it do they?"

That's what hurts the most...

I can't stop thinking about my people. OUR people. This didn't have to happen. I just don't know what to do. There's very little that I CANn do. But I'll be GODDAMNED if I'm going to just going to 'let this happen' and 'get over it'. I demand blood!

MojoXN

[CountAllVotes]

11. I'm not going to "let it go" either

and no I don't plan on seeking "professional" help. They drug you up with their B.S. costly toxic drugs and tell you all is well and that you are "depressed". No it is called facing reality.

Anger? GOD DAMN RIGHT I AM ANGRY! My mother was to have ended up in an orphanage in New Orleans after being dumped as an infant. She was adopted *luckily* I guess is the word for it ... she had one hell of a life that she lived - never knowing *who* she was!

I have been trying to find out who the hell she was and therefore who I am my ENTIRE LIFE and now all of the records are likely GONE. So I will never know who my people were and are! :cry: I have no hope left.

With the plagues that will be coming soon, I fear the death toll in the USA alone from this will likely be in the millions, not thousands, MILLIONS!

GOD HELP US!

:kick:

[MojoXN]

31. I am adopted too.

Except in my case, it wasn't a flood that washed away my past... It was bureaucracy. See, when I was born, there was this big craze for sealed adoption records, both in PA (where I was born), and in WV (where I was raised). I have no idea where I'm technically from. And no medical history. That really sticks in my craw. My problems are not the issue here, though. The unimaginable suffering of New Orleans is. These are our PEOPLE. They deserve better than this.

MojoXN

[MissMarple]

5. Hon, I think you need to talk to someone. Please.

You need a real person to talk to, someone who understands how events like this affect people. I don't know your situation, but you need to speak with a counselor now. Right now. I'll see what I can find. We need you.

:hug:

[MissMarple]

10. What came up with on another thread....of course.

If you go to church call your minister. Otherwise a United Church of Christ, or Unitarian or mainstream church minister. I think you need to talk to someone...now.

Talk to them or ask for a referral. Go on...make the call.

edit:
Also, this is the other thread. More thoughts on what to do. And I'm posting this not just for you but for others who may be feeling more anxiety than they should bear alone. Talking to a real person is far better than communicating through the computer screen.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=104x4667962

[CountAllVotes]

12. yeah that will help A LOT

going to some damn fucking church right now.

If you believe in God, pray to that God you believe in. You need not go anywhere. God is INSIDE of each of us.

[MissMarple]

14. Read the post, what is wrong with you?

[renie408]

17. I am guessing...

Unnatural Emotional Response.

[MissMarple]

20. Perhaps

;)

[CountAllVotes]

19. sometimes these damned churches

Make even MORE furious than I already am. I am not a Jesus freak and I guess that leaves me no place in some damn church.

To hell with that crap.

Look inside of yourself for answers, not some idiotic "church" (they'll be looking for $ too soon enough!).

Give your $ to relief efforts that you think are "viable" if there is such a thing these days.

I am admittedly a pessimist and have been since 2000!

[MissMarple]

23. Actually, they are not all idiotic. And I'm a deist.

But there a many fine pastors who have real help to offer. And they don't necessarily care about your personal religious views. They care about people, and many are trained to help or can find help appropriate to your situation. Even the Wiccans do this. And they also know where the disaster relief organizations are and which ones are in need of volunteers.

It's OK, we are all wound a bit too tight lately. :)

[renie408]

26. Hey, I am an atheist and realize that it is ridiculous to say

that all churches are not idiotic.

Some people like to tear their hair out. Its what gets them through the day. If that works for you, go team. Whatever.

[peacetalksforall]

32. Would it help to think in a cosmic way? Perhaps your grief is a healing.

?Grief can be a sign of an evolving soul? ... ?Grief can be a sign of your connectedness with the cosmos?

[MojoXN]

13. I tried that...

I went to WLSC's counseling brigade. I got, "Well, tell me how you felt (past tense)..." "Mmmhmm, how did that make you feel?" and, what it ultimately boiled down to was: Fuck you, you're on your own. You're having an "unnatural emotional response". I know that that's bullshit, but nobody that I see seems to be taking this the way that I am. I just cried for ten minutes after seeing an ad on the Onion for a poboy san'ich, for chrissakes. That whole city, and FAR too many of its people are fucking GONE. I don't mean to sound too abrasive, but that's about the size of it. Gone...

I need to be in the South, helping people to rebuild, personally. Nothing else will let me sleep at night.'

MojoXN

[renie408]

16. Then go do that

And I would imagine that if no one else is reacting the way you are, that would be the definition of an unnatural emotional response.

If being there is the only thing that is going to do it for you, then stop talking about it and go.

[MissMarple]

18. Whoa, they don't seem to be very helpful...I wouldn't give it up though.

Maybe some one can steer you in a more active direction. You do sound like you need some positive activities related to disaster relief. You have resources, use them. :)

[MojoXN]

7. I was only in N.O. ONCE!

And yet that city made such an impression on me! I lived in Miami for six months, in little Haiti, NE 51st for the skeptical. Lots of Haitian people, lots of Creole. I went to N.O. for Mardi Gras in 2003, expecting that the "French culture" aspect would be roughly the same as the Haitian thing. No fucking way. The people of New Orleans identified with their shared French heritage so much that it defined that city. Beignets, the "lagniappe", the Marie Leveau voodoo, the whole of Naw'lins. There was nowhere like New Orleans in the entire world. And now it's gone, maybe forever. That saddens me more than I thought possible. And I thought that the human toll was bad enough... Why? For what? God, when will it end??? WHY DID THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN????

MojoXN

[renie408]

15. How old are you?

I am not being patronizing, I am just asking. I think that when you are young and faced with your first realization that there are great big, ugly chunks of life over which nobody and nothing has any control, it can be really overwhelming.

You need to talk to some kind of counselor who can help you develop some perspective. You need to stop watching 24/7 coverage of the disaster. You need to know that even in the face of so much ugliness, the world CAN recover. This is not the first bad thing to happen and it will not be the last. Think about it. How many millions of people were killed by the flu in the first part of the last century? The Depression? The Holocaust? Before that there was the Plague, many wars, and people died just from a cut on the hand. And yet, the world has trudged along. People still fall in love...children still laugh...flowers bloom...puppies lick your face...it is not all pain or all joy. It is a blend. This sucks. There is not much else to say. But that does not mean that it ALL sucks. Or that YOU suck.

I think I have already said this, but it looks like you have more going on than just angst over the situation in New Orleans. GET SOME HELP! It is not good for you to feel so helpless and depressed and alone. Please, PLEASE...go talk to your doctor or minister.

[MojoXN]

21. "How old are you?"

Old enough to have seen far too much ugliness from my fellow men.

"...you need to stop watching 24/7 coverage of the disaster."

I don't have T.V. The first thing that I did was quit looking at images of the destruction, of the chaos.


"...the world CAN recover..."

I agree wholeheartedly, but it isn't the world at large that I'm worried about, its the U.S.A.

"GET SOME HELP!"

Money and health insurance are about as common as hen's teeth 'round here.

But that's beside the point. I know headshrinkers... I trained to be one for 2.5 years. Any comfort that I'd get from 'mental help' would be illusory at best, and potentially disastrous at worst. Besides, do YOU have several dozen dollars an hour to spend on whatever? I sure as hell don't!

No offense intended, I'm just going through a rough spot right now, as I'm sure you've noticed.

MojoXN

[renie408]

25. No offense taken

But I might be giving some.

Look, if all you are going to do is cry, rage about the problem and refuse to listen to anything that anybody says...what good is that doing? You have essentially said that this problem is unfixable. When offered suggestions on how to help yourself and others, you argue with every one. You appear to enjoy beating your breast. So have at it...but don't slam people who took the time to try to help you just because they didn't realize that you don't actually WANT any help. You just want to feel bad. And are doing a damn good job.

[MojoXN]

28. "You just want to feel bad. And are doing a damn good job."

No, I want to feel NORMAL. And I don't. This is more terrible than I ever could have imagined. I appreciate the kind words and advice, but to be honest, I can't take them to heart right now. My soul is sad. Very sad. I don't see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. I'm sorry if I angered you.

MojoXN

[NoFederales]

22. Please keep posting, but heed the advice to speak to a counselor

Writing and speaking will help you deal with the pain and anger, BUT you must not suffer this alone. Try to find some like-minded folks next door, in the neighborhood, at school--and talk and cry for as long as need be. Be with people, not a keyboard; there is no compassion or care from a keyboard. People! got it? No nervous breakdowns.

If these feelings persist, try a doctor. I despise medications, but if they can give you an edge on ailments, then it's worth it. Take care and let us know how you are doing, eh?

Take care of yourself.

NoFederales

[butterfly77]

24. your not the only one

My family tells me to stop looking at the coverage but when I do I think about it where ever I go. I wake up thinking about it too

[hamsterjill]

27. Tears and More Tears

It's what separates "us" from "them"...

[Lindsay]

29. Sounds like the average counselor is being no help to

people.

My sister, who is a therapist, says always look for a social worker, because their training is more holistic. They don't prescribe drugs (although they usually affiliate with a psychiatrist who does) and they don't nod and say, "And how did you feel about that." For whatever that's worth.

Me, I'm on disability for severe and chronic depression and anxiety. I do take medication, which has kept me from putting a bullet through my head. But I can give you a little advice from my own experience.

You can't help anyone else if you're crying all the time. So take a little break and take care of yourself. Turn off the computer and take a warm bath. Or listen to some music you really like, or watch your favorite DVD. Or cuddle with your dog or cat or significant other or a stuffed animal. Have a glass of wine or a cup of herbal tea. Light scented candles if you like them. Just do something nice for yourself.

And remember that we here at DU care about you, and we'll get through this together somehow.

[MojoXN]

30. Thank you.

That's all I can say. Thank you.

MojoXN

[magellan]

33. Feel exactly the same way

I've been in turns of rage and tears for a week. The unnecessary suffering, the ongoing failure of the government to act in a responsible and timely manner. I'm too good at putting myself in other people's shoes and I'm too familiar with how the Bush** cabal operates to be as surprised by each new revelation of their sadism as I am horrified. They truly find new lows every day. I want to scream and end up sobbing. Every night I dream of nothing else but these poor people and our inability to put an end to the Bush** regime before this happened.

I can't tell you how to stop caring, and even if I could I wouldn't. I can only suggest what's helped me cope a bit, and that's doing something constructive to help those who are so desperate for a little hope right now.

There was a thread over the weekend about volunteering to input missing persons data for Katrina PeopleFinder. Just go to the PeopleFinderVolunteer link on that page. I'd never worked with wiki before so I had to figure it out on my own, but I've completed a couple of tasks as of last night. If you decide to do this but need help PM me, I can give you some tips.

Whatever you do, don't just sit and stew. Remember the old cliche 'misery loves company'. It's really important to talk to a friend or relative who feels the same level of grief and frustration as you do. Virtual is okay, but I'd recommend a heart-to-heart with a real voice answering you, confirming you aren't alone in how you feel. That shouldn't be hard to find.

[MojoXN]

34. Thank you.

ALL of you. I feel much less terrible than when I started this thread. There are things that I can do to alleviate suffering. I will do these things, not as penance, but as a labor of love. If I truly want the South East to revive, all I can do, as of now, anyway, is to start small, like evryone else.

THANK YOU DU! You'll never know how much this means to me...

MojoXN