Great News! Conservatives are disavowing 'Duh'bya'

[quisp]

here is an email exchange I'm in the midst of with some Freepers here at work. Synopsis: email about how conservative are tough and drink beer and liberals are wimps and drink white wine.

then guy who started it seems to imply the * isn't considered a conservative. If you want to read it in order read from the bottom up.


-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Monday, September 19, 2005 10:34 AM
To:
Subject: Re: Fwd: FW: History of Beer

Now who said "W" was actually a conservative?

-----Original Message-----
From:
Sent: Monday, September 19, 2005 10:34 AM
To:
Subject: Re: Fwd: FW: History of Beer


It's called a "measured response"

I wouldn't want to make you cry or anything. You might take me off your
email list.

(heheh, as if)

>>> 09/19/05 10:25AM >>>
Is this all you can come back with???

>>> 09/19/05 10:19AM >>>
"Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."
-- Benjamin Franklin (one of the original American liberals, and he
believes in God???)

So the Conservatives are the tough guys and Liberals are the wimps?

Then maybe you can tell me why the toughest tough Conservative has to
ask permission of Condi (see attached) to make a "conservative
movement".

>>> 09/19/05 09:46AM >>>
On the $!!!

>>> 09/14/05 01:53PM >>>


Good history lesson. Makes sense to me...


History began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as
members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers.
They lived on deer in the mountains during the winter
and would go to the coast to live on fish and lobster
in the summer.

The two most important events in all of history were
the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel.
The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These
were the foundations of modern civilization, and
together were the catalyst for the splitting of
humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals &
Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that
was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass
bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while
our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting
for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the
brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals
to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This
was the beginning of what is known as "the
Conservative movement."

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting,
learned to live off the conservatives by showing up
for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching
and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the
liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually
evolved into women. The rest became known as
"girlymen."

Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the
domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy
and group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting
to decide how to divide the meat and beer that
conservatives provided.

Over the years, conservatives came to be symbolized by
the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the
elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added),
but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water.
They eat raw fish but like their beef well done.
Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal
fare.

Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of
their women have higher testosterone levels than their
men.

Most social workers, personal injury attorneys,
journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group
therapists, are liberals. Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to
make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat
and still provide for their women. Conservatives are
big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police
officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes,
and generally, anyone who works productively outside
government.

Conservatives who own companies hire other
conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to
"govern" the producers and decide what to do with the
production! Liberals believe Europeans are more
enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were
coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West
was tame and created a business of trying to get more
for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history. Now you
know everything that's really important...........

[Syncronaut Seven]

1. You waste bandwidth for this?

:wtf:

[RushIsRot]

2. No, Dip Shit, you won't find any Conservative soldiers! n/t

[Clyde_dubyaD40]

3. I received this email a while back and here is what

I wrote back. It can be found at http://www.dubyad40.com/html/clyde/clyde012505.html



My turn:

The division of the human family into its two distinct political branches occurred some 10,000 years ago, when humans coexisted as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. The pivotal event of societal evolution was the invention of beer. This epochal event was both the foundation of modern civilization and the occasion of the bifurcation of humanity into its two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so it was necessary to stick close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men who were tired of unreliable hunting seasons decided to improve their situation by raising animals to go along with the agricultural endeavors, thereby having the ability to feed the entire village all year long. This in turn also allowed them more time to drink beer. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Other men who did not have the intellect or the ability to evolve with the changing times continued to go hunting each day. They would barbeque their day's kill, which usually ended up being a scrawny member of the rodent family. They would sit in envy as they watched the smarter forward thinking liberals in the village feasting on steak, baked potato, corn on the cob and all washed down with a COLD beer that was chilled by resting the keg in the nearby stream. Those who had refused to change because it was going against the traditional ways became the forefathers of the conservative movement.

Interesting side note: being that barbeque is a style of cooking that was developed by the French and Indians in Louisiana, it is ironic that this e-mail does not refer to it as Freedom grilling.

Another interesting side note: most of the conservatives who were unwilling to evolve eventually died off because of starvation, (Neanderthal man, perhaps?) the few who did survive were thankful to the liberals for showing pity upon them.

Besides being used as a tool to bolster ignorant right wing e-mails when did conservatives begin believing in evolution?

Conservative achievements include the torture of cats, union busting, drug rehabilitation for fat white radio hosts hooked on OxyContin, no-bid contracts, off-shore tax shelters for corporations and stealing elections so they can horde all of the meat and beer for the ultra-rich.

Over the years, liberals became to be symbolized by the stalwart of the American work ethic, a donkey. Strong, dependable and able to get the job done, while the conservatives are symbolized by a bloated thick skinned animal that has a head full of ivory and as everyone who has seen a circus parade knows, proceeds best by grasping the tail of its predecessor while leaving heaping dunes of dung on the streets of America. Modern conservatives (there is an oxymoron for you) tend to drink Dom Perignon in fluted glasses with their pinky finger in the air. They eat filet mignon, beluga caviar and pate but deny they like French cuisine on a regular basis.

Another side note: as a liberal, I drink Bud Light and I consider my steak cooked when it is walked through a warm room. Sushi is fish bait and I have no idea what tofu looks like.

Liberal women are kind, considerate, warm and loving people who know how to fight back while still keeping their femininity, unlike the conservative trans-testicular's like Ann the man Coulter.

Most white collar criminals, corporate attorneys, racist homophobes, drug or sex addicted radio hosts, religious fundamentalists, dictators and skinheads are conservatives.

Conservatives created the instant replay challenge in football because they cannot accept playing by the rules and have the need to revisit past events over and over until they get their way.

Liberals drink all different kinds of beer, do not suffer from penis envy so therefore find no need to carry big guns and kill large animals for sport, learned from their parents that being a cowboy is nothing more than a man playing with his food and never felt the need to be a lumberjack stuck out in the woods with other men for long periods of time. Liberals are scientists, inventors, doctors, lawyers, teachers, construction workers, policemen, soldiers, accountants, astronauts, explorers and take part in every other field of endeavor. Liberals who own companies hire the best people for the job and to not feel the need to question an employee's political views.

Conservatives are not forward thinking, are happy with the status quo, hate democracy and are willing to do anything needed to get their piece of the pie without regard to the consequences of their actions.

Conservatives do not believe in alliances nor do want to hear anyone question their actions. They forget that the founding fathers were liberals who wanted freedom from an oppressive monarchy and that is was the conservatives who remained loyal to King George.

The wild west was tamed by liberals seeking a better life for their families and it was the conservatives who came in and tried to take the credit.

[cssmall]

5. All right. Here's the anthropological/archaeological evidence to prove

this false. Though, since this is science, most people with a closed mind will not believe it.

Hunter/Gatherer societies are not divided solely by gender, but by gender roles and age roles. Men and juveniles hunt, but because a hunt is a costly sign (in fact, the energy expenditure for a hunt is so damn high) the actual production of food stuffs for early man was fruits, seeds, nuts, and vegetables. All members of the band were rewarded equally because each served a purpose. It was, in fact, a communist existence and the idea you ate what you caught is wrong: you ate what someone picked up. Hence, the idea that H/G societies should truly be called Gatherer-Hunter societies.

It should be noted that beer is attributed to the anicent Sumerians, whom, like the Egyptians, ate their beer like soup. This founding was the key to agricultural processes, according to a work in progress. The domestication of animals was still the hallmark of a nomadic existence, which means sheperds were nomadic; hence the difference between Cain and Abel which could be read a metaphor for Jewish culture realizing that it was settling down from its more nomadic, faithful roots.

The poster is fairly truth when he says those who did not end their nomadic ways and still hunted usually only came back with a small animal to eat. But, even in the first stages of an agricultural existence, there was still an equal division of labor. It wasn't until dogma starting forming on gender role and labor division do people start establish social institution and structure (the nation-state).

Modern societies, to finish the post quickly, urbanization caused the most violent reactions to liberalism, strictly to keep the worker illiterate, disenfranchized and all things in common. But, because of the Christian faith, no one could bring this idea into coorelation with the tenets of the faith. So, when Darwin wrote the Origin of the Species, people like Herbert Spencer wrote about social darwinism as being the reason why rich deserve to be rich and get richer.

[quisp]

6. Great response!

and welcome to DU.

I like my steak rare enough that a good vet could get it back on it's feet again.

[cssmall]

4. What a moron!

Liberals invented the
designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to
make the pitcher also bat.
:wtf:

No, the ultra capitialist owners of the AL wanted to have the DH so that they could have more offense and make more money because fans dig the long ball. Tell that fucker to search his facts.

[louis-t]

7. Facts? Why does a conservative need facts?

Thomas Sowell, the noted Black Conservative, is featured in the Detroit News occasionally. He always starts his article with a premise or statement (which he seldom proves). He builds a whole argument based on the statement, which is never proven, never verified, has no statistical merit, etc.

[cssmall]

8. Kings of Arguing the Unsound Argument,

[FreedomAngel82]

9. LOL

How hilarious. They're now trying to get away from him. How funny and sad.

[renie408]

10. Stupid stereotypes

My extremely Liberal, construction working, toolbelt wearing, beer drinking, F350 4X4 truck driving husband would like to have a conversation with your conservative friends. I think I will watch his back while he is at it. I am a fairly Liberal horse training, colt breaking, shit shoveling, stallion managing woman who can lift two 50 pound feed bags at once and stack 60 pound bales of hay five high. I honestly do not know a conservative that I could not kick their ass...without half trying. Men included.

[zbdent]

11. I love the first part of your post:

'Now who said "W" was actually a conservative?'

For the freeptard who posted it, uh, "George W. Bush said it! Remember, 2000 election - 'I am a compassionate conservative.'"!!!!