Smells like Santorum's desperate

[spinbaby]

I got my hot little hands on a Santorum fund-raising letter--you can practically see the sweat running off of it--which I transcribed here in all its glory, including the charming all-caps format:

URGENT * CONFIDENTIAL * URGENT

I NEED YOUR HELP -- IMMEDIATELY!

JOHN, WE ARE ALREADY UNDER TREMENDOUS ATTACK BY THE RADICAL LEFTISTS AND THE CASEY, JR. CAMPAIGN. WE CANNOT LET THESE ATTACKS GO UNANSWERED. WE MUST LAUNCH A FULL-SCALE COUNTER ATTACK TO SET MY RECORD STRAIGHT!

AT THE SAME TIME, SANTORUM 2006 FACES A CRITICAL BUDGE EMERGENCY. IN FACT, WE HAVE A GRASSROOTS SEGMENT OF OUR CAMPAIGN -- KEY TO OUR WINNING ON ELECTION DAY --THAT IS SERIOUSLY UNDER FUNDED.

CAN I COUNT ON YOUR GENEROUS, IMMEDIATE SUPPORT AGAIN TODAY? PLEASE HELP ME ANSWER THIS EMERGENCY WITH A CONTRIBUTION OF $750, $400 OR, AT LEAST $250 RIGHT NOW.

(snip out some whining about money)

WE ARE IN A KNOCKDOWN, DRAG-OUT BATTLE WITH LEFTISTS WHO ARE RABIDLY SUPPORTING DEMOCRAT ROBERT CASEY, JR. THAT’S NOT A REAL SURPRISE TO EITHER YOU OR ME, I KNOW.

BUT IT’S THE LEVEL THE PRESS HAS STOOPED TO THAT IS SO AMAZING. IF I KNEW ONLY WHAT THE PHILADELPHIA AND OTHER BIG PRESS OUTLETS SAID ABOUT ME, I WOULDN’T VOTE FOR ME EITHER!

THIS IS A SUBSTANTIAL CHALLENGE. ONE I MUST MEET! HERE’S WHAT WE ARE GOING TO DO:

1. WE’RE TAKING STEPS TO TRIPLE OUR GRASSROOTS EFFORTS: WE NEED MORE YARD SIGNS, DECALS, BUMPERSTICKERS, AND MORE PEOPLE GOING DOOR-TO- DOOR WITH INFORMATION ABOUT MY RECORD AND MY POSITIVE MESSAGE FOR OUR STATE, FOR OUR FAMILIES AND FOR OUR CONTINUED SUCCESS.

2. WE’RE RAISING $2.75 MILLION OVER THE NEXT 90 DAYS TO FUND OPERATION EMERGENCY MEDIA, A SERIES OF EARLY RADIO AND TELEVISION ADS DEDICATED TO TELLING THE VOTERS THE TRUTH ABOUT MY RECORD ON YOUR BEHALF.

RAISING $3.75 MILLION OVER THE NEXT 90 DAYS ISN’T EASY -- BUT WE CAN DO IT IF YOU’LL HELP RIGHT NOW!

THE VICIOUS ATTACKS ON ME BY A LEFT-LEANING MEDIA, AND THE GROUPS LIKE NERAL, MOVEON.ORG AND THE DEMOCRATIC NATIONAL COMMITTEE -- PARTICULARLY BY HOWARD DEAL -- AMOUNT TO A REFERENDUM ON OUR SUCCESS! I WELCOME THE FIGHT!

(snip more whining about money and a Web address: www.ricksantorum.com/2006emergency. The Web address doesn’t actually work.)

[jrw14125]

1. what's a "budge" emergency?

[BlueEyedSon]

2. "Smells like Santorum"

ba-da-boom!

:rofl:

[spinbaby]

In poor taste, I know

But I just couldn't resist.

[BlueEyedSon]

15. "Taste"?????

I'm still getting past the SMELL!

[sui generis]

7. ah the smell of

steaming smegma and frothy fecal matter. I somehow doubt it "tastes like chicken".

:puke:

:rofl: almost feel sorry for him. Ah, the pico-second has passed.

[Teaser]

3. Is it really allcaps?

Who knew that Santorum moonlighted as an internet troll?

OK, I suspected it...

[tabasco]

4. Ooooooohh - the RADICAL LEFTISTS are coming!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes!! We're coming to your town to force you into gulags until you accept our RADICAL LEFTIST ideology!!!!

BE AFRAID!!! ALWAYS BE AFRAID!!!!!!!!!!

[bookman]

5. Can't trust that...

..."Howard Deal" character. :)

[Mr_Spock]

6. "LEFTISTS" - huh?? pathetic fear mongering!! I hate Republicans!

This is awful and unAmerican!!

This guy makes me sick and he is representative of the Repuke party these days IMHO.

[Faygo Kid]

8. Hey, he forgot to include DU in his attack list.

We should be offended. Include us in, Ricky boy!

[cdb]

9. Casey is far from a radical--

This is sheer fear-mongering desperation on little ricky's part. I hope to never hear his name again.

[Norquist Nemesis]

10. Who is the group "NERAL"?

And Howard "Deal"? Well, at least he got it correct for once that it's the "Democratic" National Committee.

Boohoohoo Waaaaahhhhhh! He's running scared because he knows he's losing. And he's not losing because of 'attacks' from the 'radical left' anything. It's because he panders to the Extreme Right Fundies while playing footsie with guys like Abramoff and DeLay that people are kicking his ass to the curb.

[rodeodance]

17. maybe NAREL?--the pro abortion group?? (I am not sure of the acronym)

[Faygo Kid]

18. National Abortion Rights Action League (NARAL)

Pro-choice, not pro-abortion.

[Norquist Nemesis]

24. Pretty sure it was meant to be NARAL n/t

[Dhalgren]

11. My gods! This is a US Senator ?!?

The man cannot even spell! Is this spelling problem some sort of right-wing disability? What could be the cause of this apparent inability to spell in your native language? And to also be unable to use the spell-check that is a universal feature on any word processing/email program? It beggars the imagination...

[spag68]

13. language skills

If you are surprised about his language and writing skills, need I remind you who his boss is?

[spag68]

14. language skills

If you are surprised about his language and writing skills, need I remind you who his boss is?

[BR_Parkway]

20. It's written to his supporters - looks just like a Freeper post to me

ALL CAPS, OMG THIS IS HUGH!!! I'M SERIES type appeal to the base.

The writer obviously wanted the people to respond, he was trying not to go over their heads. Puncuation, proper use of Caps and spell check are so 'elitist' dontcha know?

[Dhalgren]

28. You're right! He had to go "native" with his "peeps"...er...freeps...

[NoAmericanTaliban]

12. Looks like MoveOn hit another nerve.

the more they hate moveOn the more effect it most be having. No mention of commie pinkos?

[rodeodance]

16. too too bad. my heart is bleeding.

[Bake]

19. Best line in the whole thing:

"IF I KNEW ONLY WHAT THE PHILADELPHIA AND OTHER BIG PRESS OUTLETS SAID ABOUT ME, I WOULDN’T VOTE FOR ME EITHER!"

They must be telling the truth! LOL!!

Bake

[lyonn]

21. Couldn't happen to a nicer fellow

This dweed needs to be as far from Wash. D.C. as possible. Pennsylvania's are no dummies.

[NoFederales]

22. Who is Howard Deal?

If legit, this must be some neanderthal aide's work--not that I would excuse Santorum.


NoFederales

[spinbaby]

23. My mistake

I went back and checked--that was a transcription error on my part. The rest of the errors are all theirs.

[rockymountaindem]

25. That reads like a Nigerian scam e-mail

"Please to be introducing myself, the widow of a cruly murdered very powerful African diplomat..."

[fencesitter]

26. Radical Leftists?! Call us "Freedom Fighters"

Sounds like armed communist insurgents coming out of the hills. Oh please.

[hopein08]

27. Why do Repubs ask for a mininum $250 and Dems ask for a minimum $35?

That says a lot to me.

Was it really in all caps?

Desparation in its finest.

[dajoki]

29. How sweet...

Us Pennsylvanians will take out the 3rd ranking senator. CRY BABY RICKY!!