The Republican Oath

[Kablooie]

Republican Oath

I'm a Republican Because...
I BELIEVE the strength of our nation lies with the wealthy individual and that each wealthy person’s dignity, freedom, ability and responsibility must be honored.
I BELIEVE in equal rights, equal justice and equal opportunity for the wealthy, regardless of race, creed, sex, age or disability.
I BELIEVE free enterprise and encouraging individual initiative have brought this nation opportunity, economic growth and prosperity for the wealthy.
I BELIEVE government must practice a fiscal responsibility which allows wealthy individuals to keep more of the money they earn.
I BELIEVE the proper role of government is to provide for the people only those critical functions that cannot be performed by individuals or private organizations and that the best government is that which governs the least over the wealthy.
I BELIEVE the most effective, responsible and responsive government is government closest to wealthy.
I BELIEVE Americans must retain the principles that have made us strong while developing new and innovative ideas to meet the challenges of changing times for the wealthy.
I BELIEVE Americans value and should preserve our national strength and pride while working to extend peace, freedom and human rights for the wealthy, throughout the world.
FINALLY, I believe the Republican Party is the best vehicle for translating these ideals into positive and successful principles of government for the wealthy.


Neocon Addendum

I'm a Neocon Because...

I BELIEVE the strength of our nation lies with disregard for the common person’s dignity, freedom, ability and responsibility.
I BELIEVE in limited rights, limited justice and limited opportunity for the common people, regardless of race, creed, sex, age or disability.
I BELIEVE unfettered enterprise and elimination of common individual’s initiative will bring this nation opportunistic profits, and promote the separation powers between the common people and the elite.
I BELIEVE government must practice fiscal flagrancy and insure that the common man receives a minimum of money they earn.
I BELIEVE the proper role of government is to provide for the people only those authoritarian functions that cannot be performed by individuals or private organizations and that the best government is that which restrains the common man.
I BELIEVE the most effective, responsible and responsive government is total government domination over the common man.
I BELIEVE Americans must retain the principles of power that have made us strong while discarding new and innovative ideas to insure that we dominate the changing times.
I BELIEVE Americans value and should preserve our own national strength and prejudices while working to wage war, restrict and demean others throughout the world.
FINALLY, I believe the Republican Party is the best vehicle for translating these ideals into autocratically supreme principles of government.

[Rocknrule]

1. Simplified version:

I believe that gays are sub-human and will all burn in hell
I believe that war is good and peace is bad
I believe that America should be a theocracy, not a democracy
I believe that Clinton's penis is the root (pun intended) of all evil
Finally, I believe that George Bush is higher and more awesome than God