Reader Mail: The Friday Fruitcakes

[Bob Geiger]

Well, it's Friday, which means it's time to look in the old mailbag and see what conservative Nobel Laureate tries to give me my comeuppance this week…

Mr. Pat Green writes:

If you think Kerry could talk the French et al into committing troops to the war in Iraq, you need to get back to Haight- Ashbury, quickly, and resume your Vietnam era activity, because you are still lost in the clouds.

Kerry is a complete moron who is no more a leader than Tiny Tim.

PS-my son is in Iraq NOW.

And I say...

Dear Pat;

As always, it's good to hear from one of the minority who still supports this war and the Chickenhawk-in-Chief.

I took one primary thing from your e-mail: That you have insight into Tiny Tim that many of us may have missed and we all may be guilty of not giving the eccentric entertainer his due. John Kerry has led men into battle and has been a leader on a good many noble causes over the last five years -- most of which haven't seen the light of day in a Senate ruled by a right-wing band of Simon Legree wannabes.

But just for you, I contacted the Worldwide Institute for Noting and Glorifying the Noble Unforgettable Tiny Tim (WINGNUTT) and they wholeheartedly agreed with your assessment of the ukulele-playing cultural icon.

"Tiny Tim was a leader in the entertainment community and, unbeknownst to many, was a primary player in the inner circles of both the Johnson and Nixon administrations," said Horace Stringfellow, President of WINGNUTT. "Most people have no idea how involved he was in leading every facet of American policy in the 1960s and early 1970s."

Asked about reader Pat Green's effusive praise, Stringfellow became emotional.

"Most people look at Tiny Tim simply as the falsetto-voiced singer who thrilled so many on the Johnny Carson show," said the WINGNUTT president, wiping away a tear. "But to have anonymous Americans like Pat Green coming out of the closet, so to speak, to recognize Timothy's enormous, unsung leadership fills me with joy."

So you see, Pat, you may have written to rip me but, without knowing it, you've made Tiny Tim fans everywhere very happy.

P.S. Did you see 60 Minutes last week, Pat, or were you busy watching one of your Jeff Foxworthy DVDs? If your intent was to demonstrate even a shred of moral authority by saying your son is in Iraq, forget it. Save it for someone who isn't a Vet himself (me) and who has not given more for his country than your cowardly president ever dreamed of. If you ever happen to see Ed Bradley's great 60 Minutes piece from last Sunday on more lying by Bush leading to the war -- I don’t know where you live, so I can't help you find CBS relative to Cartoon Network or Nickelodeon -- you may not feel so righteous about our cause in Iraq.

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Mr. Paul D. Shaver checks in with this bit o' babbling:

What I find hard to understand it that still, day after day, people like you continue to cry, and cry about the election. Hey, GET OVER IT!!!!!!! I retired after 20 years in the military, and as far as I can remember, NO ONE WAS DRAFTED!!!!! I have talked with many vets from Iraq, and the vast majority of them are proud of what they did, and some have even volunteered to return. The military is not a democracy, you don't get to choose and pick where you will go, you go where you are ordered, and if you don't like it, get out when your time is up. I retired after 20 years, only because I had to. If I had my way, I would still be on an aircraft carrier, and serving proudly. And, oh by the way. Did you know that your chances of being shot/murdered are higher if you live in Washington DC than they are in Iraq?

Just a thought.

To which I respond…

Dear Paul,

While I love your work as David Letterman's musical sidekick, you seem to miss the point despite claiming to have actually served in the military. In a military unit, everyone has responsibilities and that goes all the way up the chain of command to the Commander-in-Chief. For military leaders, part of their charter is to keep faith with the troops and, in this context, to not lie to them.

Much of what you say in your e-mail is true. However, what you conveniently leave out is the fact that your president -- he's damn sure not mine -- and his entire Chickenhawk cabal have the blood of almost 2,400 American men and women and tens of thousands of Iraqis on their hands.

And, because of your ignorant, sheep-like support for them, it is on yours as well.

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Tune in next time for another edition of the Friday Fruitcakes. And, for you hateful, self-loathing Republicans – keep those cards, letter and e-mails coming.

You can reach Bob Geiger at [e-mail] and read more from him at Democrats.com.

[snowbear]

1. "Friday's Fruitcakes"

Love that title! That's what Chris Matthews should call the 3 losers he has on his show every Friday!

The musical sidekick for Letterman is Paul "Shaffer" though, so that "Shaver" dude isn't the same guy.

I can't imagine Paul Shaffer standing up for Mistah Booosh. No way.