Help me get some of that 20 million bucks. Here's my

[rzemanfl]

propaganda release:

Although sectarian violence in Iraq has been curbed, Iraqis continue to die accidentally from preventable causes, such as:

1) Power tool accidents. A great many Iraqis die from power tool accidents-mostly from drilling holes in their joints and heads. Power tool safety is being made a priority, with lesson one being, don't work with power tools unless your arms and legs are free to move.

2) Trying to swim while tied up. Showing off by swimming with bound limbs is being strongly dicouraged.

3) Avoiding vigorous aerobic excercise. Statistical analysis shows that if Iraqis ran from place to place rather than walking or standing about, the death rate from the random gas explosions that plague the country would be significantly reduced.

This is the first of a series, and will be continued when I get the check and it clears the bank. The next article is going to be about how beheading interferes with diagnosing death from natural causes.

[uppityperson]

1. Don't forget the always popular "get to know your neighbor" program

could probably do a lot with that one.