Jews ask God to be un-chosen! What do you think of this?

[rainy]

I receives this today.

To: The Lord G-d Almighty
From: The Jews: a.k.a. The Chosen People

Subject: Termination of Contract, Special Status The Chosen People
As you are aware, the contract made between you and Abraham is up for
renewal, and this memorandum is to advise you that after, yea, those
many millennia of consideration, we, the Jews (The Chosen People)
have decided that we really do not wish to renew.

We should point out immediately that there is nothing in writing,
and, contrary to popular beliefs, we (The Jews) have not really
benefited too much from this arrangement. If you go back to the early
years of our arrangement, it definitely started off on the wrong
footing. Not only was Israel and Judea invaded almost every year, but
we also went to enormous expense to erect not one but two Temples,
and they were both destroyed.

All we have left is a pile of old stones called the Western Wall (of
course you know all this, but we feel it's a good thing to account
for all the reasons we wish to terminate the contract). After the
Hittites, Assyrians, Goliaths, etc, not only were we beaten up almost
daily, but then we were sold off as slaves to Egypt of all countries,
and really lost a few hundred years of development.

Now we realize that you went to a great deal of trouble to send Moses
to lead us out of Egypt, and those poor Egyptian buggers were smitten
(smote?) with all those plagues. But, reflecting on those years, we
are at a loss to understand why it took almost forty years to make a
trip that El Al now does in 75 minutes. Also, while not appearing to
be ungrateful, for years a lot of people have asked why Moses led us
left instead of right at Sinai? If we had gone right, we would have
had the oil!

OK, so the oil was not part of the deal, but then the Romans came and
we really were up to our necks in dreck. While it's true that the
Romans did give us water fit to drink, aqueducts, and baths, it was
very disconcerting to walk down one of the vias, look up, and see one
of your friends or family nailed to a three-by-four looking for all
the world like a sign post. Even one of our princes, Judah Ben Hur
got caught up with Roman stuff and drove like a crazy man around the
Coliseum. It's a funny thing but many people swore that Ben Hur had
an uncanny resemblance to Moses...go figure.

"Son of You" (there was nothing said about this with Abe) and before
we knew what was what, a whole new religion sprang up. To add insult
to injury, we were dispersed all over the world two or three times
while this new religion really caught on! We were truly sorry to hear
that the Romans executed him like so many others, but, ...alas, (and
this will make you laugh,) once again WE were blamed. Now here's
something we really don't understand. That our rabbi really came into
his own. Millions of people revered and worshipped his name and
scriptures. ..... and still killed us by the millions.

They claimed we drank the blood of new born infants, and controlled
the world banks (Oy! if only that were so.) We could have bought them
all off, and operated the worlds' media and so on and so on. Are we
beginning to make our point here?

OK so let's fast-forward a few hundred years to the Crusades. Hoo
boy! Again we were caught in the middle! They, the Lords and Knights,
came from all over Europe to smack the Arabs and open up the holy
places, but before we knew what hit us, they were killing us right,
left, and center along with everyone else. Every time a king or a
pope was down in the opinion polls, they called a crusade or holy
war, and went on a killing rampage in our land.

Today it's called Jihad. OK, so you tested us a little there, but
then some bright cleric in Spain came up with the Inquisition. We all
thought it was a new game show, but once again we and, we must admit,
quite a few others were used as firewood for a whole new street
lighting arrangement in major Spanish cities.

All right, so that ended after about a hundred years or so... in the
scheme of things not a long time. But every time we settled down in
one country or another, they kicked us out! So we wandered around a
few hundred years or so, but it never changed. Finally we settled in
a few countries but they insisted we all live in ghettoes...no
Westchester's of Moscow for us. There we are in the ghettoes, when
what do you know?

The Russians come up with the Pogroms. We all thought they made a
spelling mistake and misspelled programs, but we were dead wrong (no
pun intended). Apparently, when there was nothing else for them to
do, killing the Jews (a.k.a. The Chosen People, are you getting our
drift?) was the in thing.

Now comes some really tough noogies We were doing quite well, thank
you, in a small European country called Germany, when some house
painter wrote a book, said a few things that caught on and became
their leader....whoo boy what a bad day that was for us...you know...
your Chosen People.

We don't really know where you were in the earth years 1940 to 1945.
We know everyone needs a break now and then.....even Lord G-d
Almighty needs some time off. But really...when we needed you most,
you were never around.

You are probably aware of this, but if you have forgotten, over six
million of your Chosen People, along with quite a few unchosen others
were murdered. They even made lampshades out of our skins. Look, we
don't want to dwell on the past, but it gets worse!

Here we are, it's 1948, and millions of us are displaced yet again,
when you really pull a fast one. We finally get our own land back!
Yes!!! After all these years, you arrange for us to go back... then
all the Arab countries immediately declare war on us. We have to tell
you that sometimes your sense of humor really eludes us. Ok, so we
win all the wars, but it's now 2006 and nothing's changed. We keep
getting blown up, hijacked, and kidnapped. We have no peace
whatsoever Enough is enough.

So, we hope that you understand that nothing's forever (except you of
course) and we respectfully would like to pull out of our verbal
agreement vis-à-vis being your chosen people.

Look, sometimes things work out, sometimes they don't. Let's be
friends over the next few eons and see what happens. How about this?
We're sure you recall that Abraham had a whole other family from
Ishmael (the ones who got the oil). How about making them your chosen
people for a few thousand years?

Respectfully, The Committee To Be UN-Chosen

[rockymountaindem]

1. On the contrary, I think that's idiotic

Taking this strictly from a theological point of view, all of the things that the Jews have gone through would have wiped out most other groups our size. Specificly, all the groups mentioned in this piece that started as long ago as the Jews are all wiped out by now. I think that's got to make the Covenant seem a little more appealing, don't you?

[Cassandra]

2. Here's a fun companion piece to that.

http://www.satirewire.com/news/march02/chosen.shtml

[Freedom_from_Chains]

5. This line is classic ROTFLMAO

Whatever, I think it's safe to say that people didn't know what they were agreeing to."

Now they do, Contreau added, which he said explains why so many religions had lately been exalting God's existence, but downplaying their own.

[Freedom_from_Chains]

3. That is too good, it does seem like the Jews have certainly

gotten the short end of the stick over the years so I can't really blame them for not wanting to renew the contract. But you know, they might try a little negotiation, you know diplomacy, as that seems to be the in thing these days and see how that works out. But, if they were able to decide to go ahead they should make sure they get it in writing this time with some very specific times and dates included in the verbiage.

Otherwise, if I were in their shoes, I would just go back to the worshiping Baal thing. It couldn't make things worse and from I understand the fertility parties were pretty cool, if you know what I mean.

[rockymountaindem]

4. I heard the child sacrifices were kind of a downer though

[Freedom_from_Chains]

6. Yeah, but G-d did rescind that request at the last moment. n/t

[rockymountaindem]

7. Not Ba'al...

Evidence of elaborate child-sacrifice rituals have been found from several cultures which believed in Ba'al, most notably the Carthaginians.

[Freedom_from_Chains]

8. O,K. so everything has a downside too it

What are you looking for, perfection?

[rockymountaindem]

9. In a deity, I'd say that's definately something to look for

:)

[Freedom_from_Chains]

10. Oy vey, that's what's wrong with America today,

they want it all and they want it all now. :toast: