United States Constitution suffers stroke, hovers near death.

[rurallib]

The United States Constitution suffered a major stroke and heart attack last night following the passage of a law legalizing torture by the government with a provision to suspend habeas corpus for selected prisoners.
"The Constitution has had some ups and downs over the years but has rallied back to health before," said the ACLU, a close friend. "This is probably the most major blow ever inflicted, though", the ACLU continued.
The Constitution just recently celebrated its 217th birthday, but has been in failing health in recent years. It sustained a major injury in the Iraq invasion and this lead to various diseases including executitis, fascism and theocracy. It is felt that these diseases weakened the Constitution and made the stroke more debilitating.
"We hope for the best", said the ACLU. "There is just no other Constitution like this one and we would hate to see it die."
Constitutional physicians Thomas Jefferson and James Madison have been called to help on the case. Previous illnesses have been cured with a strong opposition party, a separation of powers among the three branches of government and a strong and independent free press.
Jesus Christ has not been consulted in this case since he does not deal in Constitutions.
Others in the Constitution's family such as the Declaration of Independence and the Geneva Conventions have also recently showed signs of weakening due to similar illnesses.
More reports later if there are no celebrity stories we'd rather follow.

[yourout]

1. In a rather odd twist....Senator Bill Frist signed an ....

order to euthanize the venerable document after reviewing a video taped interview. "The Constitution has outlived its usefulness and has become a burden on the power hungry and the war mongering"

[rurallib]

2. "It was a quaint document" offered Alberto Gonzolez.

"But of very little use in this day of terrorists behind every tree."

[nevergiveup]

3. Word has it

that the president of Amerika is presently accepting contract bids for phase one in the reconstruction of Mt. Rushmore. Washington and Jefferson will be removed in the first phase.