|
WEATHER BULLETIN
Up here, in the " Mile-Hi City ", we just recovered from a Historic event --- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands. (First, that should be "Mile-High City." As for the blizzard being of "biblical proportions" I can’t recall any blizzards being mentioned in the bible, but I guess it depends on one’s interpretation (like everything else in that book).
FYI:
George Bush did not come. (Yes, this is true. Maybe the people of Colorado don’t want him to do for Colorado what he's done for Iraq. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!)
FEMA did nothing. (Your point being? They never DO anything. Which is consistent with their mission statement. At least since the Bush administration began running it)
No one howled for the government. (I suppose the National Guard troops and helicopters feeding your stranded cattle were from Mexico or someplace then)
No one blamed the government. (No, I suppose they blamed God since this was a blizzard of biblical proportions. Go ahead, let me hear you blame God. CHICKEN!!!)
No one even uttered an expletive on TV. (Possibly true, although with the wind howling, who knows?)
Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit. (It can be arranged. They need the work)
Our Mayor did not blame Bush or anyone else. (See biblical proportions reference above)
Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else, either. (See biblical proportions reference above)
CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snowstorm. (So where did all that news footage come from? Was that YOU??? You’re my hero)
Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards. (Cards delayed in transit. Still on plane stuck (literally) at Denver International Airport)
No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House. (And put it where? On a snow drift?)
No one looted. (Maybe all the looters are frozen until spring)
Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something. (After Katrina we Americans now know not to ask FEMA for anything. We’re better off that way)
Nobody expected the government to do anything, either. (See above)
No Larry King, No Shepard Smith, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Al Sharpton or Jesse Jackson. (We’ve covered this once before haven’t we? You’re starting to repeat yourself a little here. And this is starting to sound a lot like plain ol’ envy. Although I’d have loved to see Chris Mathews’ ass frozen like a popcicle )
No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found. Now I KNOW its just plain ol’ envy. Shaun and Babs think you suck like we do -- being the RedStater that your are. Besides, they’re probably still enjoying all that great new powder at their winter lodges at Vail)
Nope, we just melted the snow for water. (So what could the citizens of N.O. do? How do you melt water?)
Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars. (Most Katrina victims don’t own cars. They’re poor, you know? And have you considered the fact that those people-plucking SUV’s contribute to global warming? And global warming contributed to your biblical proportions blizzard??? ……Is this TOO complicated for you? Should I use littler words?)
The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny. (They were on double overtime. We’ll all pay for it eventually)
Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snowbound families. (N.O. Restaurants were floating down the river. The food too)
Families took in the stranded people - total strangers. (There was no place to "take-in" families left in N.O. But people all over the state of Louisiana took in people, as did many other states. So what’s your point?)
We fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns. (In N.O. everything was wet. Fire was not possible in a deluge. Remember Noah?)
We put on extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die". (Extra layers of clothes? How would that have helped the people of N.O. deal with Katrina?)
We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks. (And of course this is the fault of the victims of Katrina. Its their fault they invited a hurricane to their fair city, that necessitated bringing in an affirmative action government, right? A Republican affirmative action government. Which explains everything)
Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves. (Great, then we won’t see any request now or in the future for any federal assistance to repair your snow levees. America thanks you. Oh, BTW, could you stop using federal land to feed your cows for FREE!!!!).
"In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate." (The world’s social problems? Hell, there’s hardly anyone that lives north of 48 degrees latitude!!! Given the fact that this area has the highest per capita acreage of land per person in the U.S., this should surprise no one. Well, there’s you)
It does seem that way, at least to me. (Of course, but then you’re an idiot)
I hope this gets passed on. (It did, and its as stupid as it sounds. I hope that YOU pass on)
Maybe SOME people will get the message. The world does Not owe you a living. (And maybe SOME people are just too stupid to bother explaining things to. As this generally requires that one have a brain)
|