To DUers with kids ... at what age, roughly, does your kid start to question your

[zbdent]

absolute authority? When do they start to figure out that, when you say the moon is made of green cheese, they look at you and say "No, that's not true!"

At what point to they start to realize that the world is not made up of clear and distinct lines, of strict black and white? That there are gray areas, like when you talk about how fat some friend of yours is, but when that friend asks you if she's fat, you say "No, you're not ...", and the kid asks "Why did you say she was yesterday?"

At what point do the children start to realize that simple explanations of things are not enough, that the world is far more complex than the simple little answers really explain?

I'd like to know ... because it seems that the Republicans feel that the majority of the people in these United States have not reached that point (mentally) ... they still feel that "simple solutions to complex problems" really work ... that you can "fight terrorism" with a soundbyte ... that questioning something is tantamount to giving a nuclear bomb to a terrorist and saying "have fun!" ...

[waiting for hope]

1. FIVE....

I live this weekly....

[Democrat 4 Ever]

6. Age 2 - about the time they move from diapers to pull-ups. They aren't called

the "Terrible Twos" for nuthin! Kidding.

In my experience it was about the time they moved into their teens. Everything else up until then was just a built in learning curve for the parents for the fun times that hit around age 13. In one mystical, secret night you go from being an all-knowing, funny, loving, walking on water parent to a "who-the-hell-are-you and pretend-you-don't-know-me" persona non grata.

[waiting for hope]

13. My two year old is there...

The only problem is that she's not as verbal - does a lot of crying, throwing herself on the floor, going rim rod straight so you can't pick her up, pushes you away.....my son never went through that (Terrible Twos? What's that?) but now that he's in Kindergarten he has begun the "Uh Nuh, that's not right - my teacher said this! Or, why does so and so work that way?" - I am looking ever so forward to the tween years ....NOT.

[Democrat 4 Ever]

16. Know what you mean about the power of their teacher once in school.

We would have nightly battles with one daughter over brushing her teeth. For some reason she hated it until her first grade teacher told her that all children must brush their teeth every night before bed. That is all it took. Those pearly whites were polished every night from then on out because "teach said so." If that teacher had told my child to climb to the top of the school building and jump off I would have had to pack a parachute in her lunchbox that day for a year.

[BelleCarolinaPeridot]

2. I don't have kids yet but when I was about 5 - 6 , that's when I knew I had an opinion.

And oh boy , all I did was demand everything my way or nothing at all.

[fasttense]

3. From the moment they can talk they question authority.

It's true at least for my children. But it was fun raising them.

[Buzz Clik]

12. Yep, yep.

We learned early not to use "NO!" as a command to stop doing something. It becomes the first word they learn; so, when you say, "Junior, eat your lunch", the immediate response is "No!"

Yeah, they figure it out early. The question is not how the kids behave, it is how the parents behave. To quote Goldie Hawn from some movie concerning authority over children, "Who's in charge here?"

[Clark2008]

4. My son started that early - at about three.

It depends on the verbal and reasoning capabilities of each child. My son could understand complex issues at three, but couldn't tie his shoes until a few days ago - at 7 years old.

Go figure.

[waiting for hope]

18. OMG!

How did you do it? I'm still trying - refuse to give into the velcro revolution.

[Papagoose]

5. Each one is different

My older daughter is 11 - she almost never challenges my authority directly, though she knows that she is allowed, no, encouraged to question authority. My younger daughter is three and challenges, confronts and questions every word I say.

[HereSince1628]

7. Some people NEVER grow to question authority, they will always

find Manicheanism (black and white reasoning) appealing, they will always have a preference for simple solutions because they cannot tolerate the ambiguity that the alternative solutions to complex problems typically present.

We call these people CONSERVATIVES!

Google or other search engine on the name "Jost" and "Conservatism" or "Social Conservatism" to find a variety of papers and commentary on this topic.

[Kber]

8. age 2

I think that there is an "Indian Summer" of sorts, though from age 4 - maybe 7 or 8 when you are the reigning authority again.

But areound 9 or 10, it starts up again.

Between 13 and 17, not only are they convinced you are an idiot, they are mad at you about it. Then, sometime around 18 (hopefully) they accept your faults and begin to love and even like you for your own quirky, flawed, individual personality. It's a process that can last through their 20's.

[Warren Stupidity]

9. two. nt.

[goddess40]

10. Did they ever?

My boys seemed to have started early but it really turned out to be autism spectrum disorders.

[Buzz Clik]

11. As soon as they can talk.

Two solutions to this problem:

1. Don't teach them to talk.
2. Don't take any shit from your kids.

Good luck.

[Solly Mack]

14. Children understand "NO" between ages 1-2 (depends on the child)

When they start using it back on you to assert themselves (usually around age 2), that's when your "absolute authority" ends and their questioning of everything you tell them begins.

At age 1- 2 their autonomy(sense of self as a separate person) - the path to and need of - is developing and they will assert it...and this includes challenging the parent, not just about don't do this or you have to do this or I'll do it myself...but "why?"


though the "why?" comes a little later (between 24 months - 36 months and can pop up before - the older they get the need for a better explanation for "why?" is needed - and "because" and "because I said so" just doesn't cut it. Children, young children, understand that "because" is dismissive and that there is more to it)

it's that first initial "NO" (to the parent) that signals the beginning of the end of your absolute authority

Young children are keen at spotting hypocrisy and are very much aware when a parents words don't match their actions. The thinking that things are more complicated than they seem begins within the family dynamic - where the child takes the skills and cues learned within the family to those outside the family - the sandbox, for example. By age 5 they are well aware that there different ways of seeing things...different perspectives. ("I like chocolate but Billy likes vanilla and that's OK)

Consider it a stepping stone - a progression of skills learned.


I'm not an expert but I do have training in early childhood development - though admittedly that was a lot of years ago and I haven't kept up.

[fasttense]

22. When my daughter was three, she would always ask why.

So we had a little saying. "Why is a crooked letter and Mommy is the boss." She would laugh at it and then go do what she was told. Sometimes she would say it before I did.

[Solly Mack]

24. Cute!

[rpannier]

15. We live in Korea and have four girls

2 from my wife's first marriage to her late husband and the twins.
They oldest just started 7th grade, the next is in 6th and the twins are in 3rd.
Periodically they question our authority and sometimes are defiant.
They have done that since they could walk. As they become more mobile they become less reliant on us.
As their world grows they want to learn more and sometimes want to have more authority.
Some of this is acceptable to us.
My wife is Korean, the older two girls are full Korean, all 4 girls attend Korean public school. My wife's attitudes on child-rearing mirror Korean society, and for the most part, mine do too.
They know never to challenge their grandparents, other old people or their teachers because if they do there are consequences.
Periodically they will challenge us, but for the most part they know the limits of how far they can push.

[12string]

17. kids

I never told my kids crap like that.when they asked a question
they got the real answer.its amazing what they can comprehend
even at three if you use terms they understand.

[southernleftylady]

19. lol my five year old son ask me all the time "mommy you're the boss right?" ..

lol YUP..
whatever mommy says... thats the word of god around here ;) ...
but seriously he does question things i say.. my baby who will turn two next month shakes his head no when he doesn't want to do something ;) lol thats questioning authority isnt it?

[AlCzervik]

20. as soon as she started reading she started questioning.

in forth grade each child got a copy of the newspaper everyday and at first they just started reading bits and then they had to figure out what story belongs in what section then after awhile they started really reading the newspaper and thats when a lot of questions started happening, big questions--"IF there is a god why would he let this happen mom?"

[MistressOverdone]

21. Around 18 months

[Seldona]

23. Before they can even talk imho.

And they really do spend the rest of their childhood questioning and pushing you. It is what they do, heh.

[SusanaMontana41]

25. My son was about 2

when he started questioning authority, and he repeated the cycle in his early teens. He'll be 20 next month and still questions authority — as do I.

[Maat]

26. See, that's my problem - Beloved Daughter is just like me!

Has a BIG mouth on 'er that always has questioned authority (well, at least since 2).

;-)

[SusanaMontana41]

27. Your daughter is just like you, huh?

Well, given your sig line, that can't be a bad thing ...

:hi:

[Maat]

28. Yes, and I'll tell you a little secret.

We 'dopted her at age 2. And it blows my husband's mind how much alike we are. We bonded strongly right at the start. We use the same expressions and hand gestures, and such. She marches with me in the anti-war protests, and goes to the peace vigils with me. I'm raisin' her right!

Thanks for the kind thoughts!

Take care! Good fortune to you!

:hi:

[SusanaMontana41]

29. Same to you, Maat,

and to your assertive daughter!

:toast:

[rhino47]

30. About what I call the "Fuck You Fours"

I have two daughters and one son.They all started around three and half or four with the what ever look.