Actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his senator

[0007]

Becoming Illegal

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone [phone]
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.



Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert


Burlington, IA

Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!

[Richard Steele]

1. Legally, all he needs is a notarized letter saying that he renounces his US citizenship.

He could be sending it to the INS inside an hour, if
he wasn't so totally full of shit.

[shain from kane]

2. Before he renounces his citizenship, he should read "The Man Without a Country".

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Man_Without_a_Country

[Hart2008]

8. NO. It is illegal to renounce US citizenship to avoid taxation. Won't work! n/t

[mitchtv]

3. I got this email a few months ago

freeper bullshit floats to the suface " Actual" letter indeed

[wryter2000]

4. Good luck with that, pal.

I'm sure you'll enjoy deportation to...uh...somewhere.

[LordJFT]

5. so he's mad that his senator voted for this bill?

would he have rather had the alternative, no bill at all and silent amnesty?

[wryter2000]

10. Welcome to DU

:hi:

[RaleighNCDUer]

6. Can you spell 'M O R A N' ?

"Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005."

Contingent on accepting illegal status, you must also accept illegal income - which means, if you paid heavy taxes, you were earning decent money - no longer an option. You want to make that trade off?

"Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year."

You think people who use the emergency room don't have to pay? People go into debt for YEARS by using the emergency room - my appendectomy last year cost $15,000 - without insurance, I'd be responsible for the whole amount, as would be anyone else.

"Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son."

Yeah. Lots of 'illegal' immigrants going to law school. As for in-state tuition, the only requirement is to live in the state for a year - and that one year residency applies to 'illegals' as it does to everyone else.

"Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car."

'Illegals' pay fines for unlicensed and uninsured driving just like everyone else.

"If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative."

By all means, revoke your citizenship. I'd love to deport your ass.

[silverojo]

7. I'm sure it's meant as a joke

It sure is hilarious! Truly rams home the unfairness of laws applying to Americans, but not to those who have entered the country legally.

[Richard Steele]

9. Yup. Just as hilarious as B*sh looking for WMDs in the Oval Office.

A regular fucking laugh riot.

[IdaBriggs]

12. I agree -- I think its excellent satire. nt

[jcrew2001]

11. Maybe he can quit his job, sell his home, and roam the desert

so he can really be an illegal alien.

[0007]

13. bttft